Metallica Cannot Think Of Anything Better Than “Death Magnetic”

Jun 16th, 2008 // 19 Comments

death%20magnetic.jpgDeath Magnetic. Metallica is actually trying to get people excited for an album named Death Magnetic. Kill ‘Em All, Ride The Lightning, Master Of Puppets, …And Justice For All, Death Magnetic? Sorry, no. While as a title it’s arguably preferable to St. Anger, this new title consists of two words whose forced connection evokes nothing, except maybe the name of a song in an upcoming sequel to Starlight Express. Deic at least had some grandeur, coming off like some lesbian Valkyrie goddess.

To be fair to the hapless quartet, it’s probably hard to come up with an album title that doesn’t make Metallica seem even more ridiculous than they already are. But I still think any of these would sound more promising than Death Magnetic:

Management Firm Of Puppets


Locked, Stock And Ready To Rock

Psycho Anal Eyes

The Quietus

Sex Cauldron

This %^%# Doesn’t NEED A Title!!

Illegal Deathload

Contract Killers

Songs For Torben

Metallica: New Album Title Revealed [Blabbermouth]


  1. TheRunningboard7

    Wax ecstatic
    Death Magnetic

    noun adjective

    I’m thinking this is a good set up for a name competition.

  2. loudersoft

    They probably played some of these songs during their set at Bonnaroo, but I didn’t notice and I still found it nearly impossible to care. However, with all due respect, they put on a fiery and energetic show. James Hetfield was serious.

    I guess I just don’t “get” Metallica the way 17 year olds do.

  3. TheRunningboard7

    @TheRunningboard7: After reading my comment, and your post, I think Sex Caldrounic is my new favorite potential Metallica album title.

  4. Jay-C

    “Death” would have been a great title, and “Magnetic” would have been a great title, but together…not so much

  5. FionaScrapple

    Hapless? Puhleeze! Metallica rules – always has, always will.

  6. NickEddy

    Actually, “Magnetic Death” would have been fairly hot.

  7. PengIn

    @loudersoft: The Bonnaroo set was straight out of Lollapalooza 1996, which was why it wasn’t so bad.

  8. Clevertrousers

    Still, at least they’re not ripping off album and song titles from boardwalk novelty t-shirs like fucking suckass Aerosmith. I hearn Aerosmith’s next record is going to be called “No Fat Chix” and the first single will be “FBI: Female Body Inspector.” As for Metallica, I’m much more interested in the animated shennanigans of Dethklok than those stupid old a-holes.

  9. Captain Wrong

    @Clevertrousers: Oh gad I hope you are right.

  10. agentUrge

    The excerpts that I’ve heard from the new material are actually promising, IMO. Sounds like the Metallica I used to listen to.

  11. Camp Tiger Claw

    They should have called it:


  12. DaeSu

    I always wanted to make an album and call it “Frances Bavier.” James, Lars, Kirk, Robert — it’s all yours!

  13. Tenno

    I heard one new song and it sounded like Load / Reload aka: ASS.

    Maximum Death: The Deathening!

  14. Ianny

    Napster Bad?

  15. iHaveaRagingTebowner

    Murdered by Killing Death Assassins.

  16. Chris N.

    ‘Frances Bavier’ would be a pretty good name for a record, but not nearly as cool as ‘Elinor Donahue.’

  17. Anonymous

    Death Magnets would have been better, ‘cept “Magnets” doesn’t end in a “c,” ruining their symmetric design. We Libras notice isht like that. Actually, Wee Libras is a pretty good title! Yay, me!

  18. nonce

    Did they vote down Anal Staircase ’cause it was already taken?

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