Five Videos That Are More Bloated Than A Belly After A Beer-And-Fries Binge

noah | June 26, 2008 11:00 am

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Today’s completely dubious claim about why an arm of the music industry might be hurting comes from Wired‘s Scott Thill, who wrote in response to R.E.M.’s new, ad-agency-created video for “Man-Sized Wreath”: “Music videos aren’t dead, they’re just dying, and they’re dying because of bloated videos like ‘Everybody Hurts.’ When fans can use their favorite songs to make their amateur films without fear of losing their comparatively miniscule cookie jars, then the new age of promotional video will be here at last.” Say what?

Friend of Idolator Eric Harvey demolishes this point pretty well (seriously, has any techno-utopianist actually watched more than the top 1% of the “user-generated content” they’re so quick to rhapsodize about? especially all the pieces of it that are 100% reliant on “bloated” mainstream media’s products?), pointing out that music videos as a medium are really dead because, surprise, there are fewer outlets for them to be broadcast in full than there were 10 or 15 years ago. So I won’t rehash his point, although I will point out that the one-minute snippets of videos on those remix/reruns of FNMTV don’t really count as “broadcast in full.” Instead, I’ll run down a few videos that are really, truly, full of hot air and gas–overly grandiose money pits that aren’t just a little too “artsy,” which is the word that I think Thill was actually going for, but that actually, from a distance, resemble flaming piles of cash. And yeah, they may be obvious, but apparently we need to be super-obvious these days so as not to get run over by those people who think that because they’re on the Internet, they invented the entire world.

5. Meat Loaf, “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)”

The parenthetical in the title only adds to that bloat.

4. 2Pac, “California Love”

Eric nominated this mini-Thunderdome extravaganza, for obvious reasons.

3. Britney Spears, “Toxic”

Sure, the song is undeniable, but this clip seems more like an excuse to try out new nipple-obscuring technologies than anything else.

2. Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson, “Scream”

This video cost $7 million in 1995 dollars. Which is $9,675,434.17 in 2007 dollars, and probably over the $10 million mark in right-now dollars, what with the price of oil shooting up on a daily basis.

1. “Weird Al” Yankovic, “Fat”

This definitely qualifies as “bloated.” Plus I can never get enough of the “yo, Ding Dong, man” part.

Is There Even A Middle Ground Anymore [marathonpacks] Meat Loaf – I would do anything for love [YouTube] 2Pac – California Love [YouTube] Britney Spears – Toxic [DailyMotion] Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson – Scream [DailyMotion] Weird Al Yankovic, “Fat” [DailyMotion]