Dolly Parton: Not Dead

Aug 25th, 2008 // 6 Comments

Dolly%20Parton20.jpgJust in case you heard the rumor this weekend that Dolly Parton had died from congestive heart failure, WBIR in Knoxville would like to let you know that Dolly is alive and well, according to her agent, Pete Owens.

Owens believes the rumor that Parton died from congestive heart failure may have started Friday night. Apparently, a local high school announced Parton’s death during its football game. Owens does not know which high school made the unfortunate mistake.

So put away your black mourning fringe and rest easy tonight. Dolly is still alive; her boobs are still huge; all is right with the universe. Let’s celebrate with a classic performance of “I Will Always Love You”!

Dolly Parton rep says singer alive and well [WBIR]
I Will Always Love You (Hee Haw, 1974) [YouTube]

  1. Anonymous

    Sweet Sweet Boobies.

  2. cheesebubble

    Dolly can never die because her mortal body is slowly being replaced by agressive plastic surgery techniques, etcetera. At the ripe age of 62, she’s more bionic than human.

  3. Anonymous

    Yes, proving that it’s never too early to be embalmed.
    [blog.newsok.com]

  4. ObtuseIntolerant

    She was awesome looking back when she was in proportion, wasn’t she? Be well, Ms. Parton!

  5. mishaps

    I am reminded of that back in the day SNL skit with Natalie Cole doing followups to “Unforgettable” with all her dead dad’s dead friends — Tammy Wynette shows up to sing, to the tune of “Stand By Your Man,” “I am not dead!/This is how rumors get started…”

  6. mishaps

    (My mistake, she doesn’t sing, she’s talking, and Natalie sings.)

    [snltranscripts.jt.org]

    Tammy Wynette has, of course, since died.

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