Taco Bell Cares About Helping Bands’ Bottom Lines, Widening Bottoms

Oct 10th, 2008 // 17 Comments

What does music taste like to you? A quarter pound of ground beef covered in melted cheese and spicy sauce wrapped in a stale tortilla and dubious marketing ideas? You’re in luck! Taco Bell has begun the latest installment of its Feed the Beat program, which gives $500 in free food to 100 bands (many of which are made up of white dudes with ugly haircuts) from all across the country. In what may be a diabolical and awesome scheme to fatten up the country’s screamo scene, Taco Bell is asking the musicians to spend their money on Fourthmeals, a.k.a. “the food you foolishly consume at 3 a.m. in a parking lot for probably tragic personal reasons.” The other component to this campaign is the Best of the Beat contest, in which three bands will win a single produced and promoted–on “Taco Bell’s iconic Sauce Packet” (adjective choice and capitalization theirs)–by the Meximelters. Let’s have a look at some of the lucky competitors!



Alesana



I don’t know anything about hardcore, or post-hardcore, so forgive me if this band is actually totally rockin’ and I just don’t have the reference points to know that Alesana is anything other than a really funny screamo band.

(Water on the drums, dude! Water on the drums!)

A Skylit Drive



This video is about screamo groupies. You’ve been warned.

I:Scintilla



Just when you thought screamo was the worst thing about this promotion…

30H!3



“Don’t trust a ho, never trust a ho, won’t trust a ho.” This song is bad even for empty synthesizer music about rich assholes.

So there are a hundred bands and I’ve obviously hand-picked four of the most obnoxious. But from what I can gather, it’s a pretty representative sample. So what you might want to do is visit the site, find the least offensive band, and vote for them so that none of these jokers get a free Taco Bell-produced single. We can’t allow the sacred and “iconic” sauce packets to be marred by crappy screamo!

Feed the Beat [Official site]

  1. sXenester

    vote for Soul Control, solid dudes, solid hardcore… 108-ish.

  2. Dead Air ummm Dead Air

    OWWWWW….my eyes!!!

  3. iantenna

    ah. for this promotion they’ve mined that same alternate universe that alternative press resides in. who are these people and where do they hang out? wait, don’t tell me, i’m better off not knowing. i prefer weed and a sense of humor to coke and ego.

  4. Maura Johnston

    @iantenna: Hey, former Best New Music recipients A Place To Bury Strangers are in there too!

  5. Anonymous

    How did Robert Pollard make his way into this contest?

  6. encyclopediablack

    Missing captions.

    Alesana: Yes, we all get our hair cut at the same place.

    A Skylit Drive: Yes, we do get our hair cut at the same place as Alesana.

    Scintilla: Ace of Base meets Hot Topic.

    3OH!3: We used to get our hair cut at the same place as Alesana and A Skylit Drive…..but then we moved to Williamsburg.

  7. D.R. Mosby

    “Alesana”? “A Skylit Drive”? “I:Scintilla”? “3OH!3″?

    Have all of the good band names been used up? Is there only gibberish to choose from now?

  8. Anonymous

    @goldsounds: I thought you were kidding and had to check for myself. WTF?

  9. Maura Johnston

    @D.R. Mosby: yes.

  10. iantenna

    @Maura Johnston: hehe. yeah, well, i’m pretty sure that publication is living in a coke heavy alternate universe as well.

  11. Anonymous

    except for APTBS and Pollard, looks like the next Vans Warped Tour line up.

  12. Cos

    @encyclopediablack: Must all twenty-something boys in bands have the same haircut?

    Don’t they know you’re supposed to start doing this after you start going bald?

  13. Dan Gibson

    I realize I’ve plugged the act before on Idolator, but my vote would certainly be for The Gaslight Anthem, who are mysteriously involved in this debacle.

  14. MayhemintheHood

    @Dan Gibson: Ha. That was actually the music that started playing when I went to the website. I raced to find out where the stop button was, then saw it was a band of which I had just read the name of 30 seconds earlier.

    I love The Bronx, therefore I don’t wish unlimited Taco Bell upon them.

  15. thearcanemodel

    @goldsounds:

    eh, can’t say i blame him, and i bet he just founded it really funny and/or another way to release another piece of recorded music. see john schmersal’s perfectly understanbale rationale from last year (granted, there was no sauce-single involved). it’s kind of retarded that anyone should have to publicly “explain” a decision something like this, esp. in these cash-strapped times, but whatevs.

    [www.pitchforkmedia.com]

    semi-related: i still can’t get over how much ass the boston spaceships record kicks. and i was convinced i had developed permanent pollard fatigue.

  16. Anonymous

    @thearcanemodel: Yeah, totally agree. I wouldn’t blame him for anything, it’s just kinda funny seeing him along side lots of bands with stock options in guyliner. And thanks for the Boston Spaceships rec, I totally overlooked that cause I’ve been burnt out on him.

  17. Lax Danja House

    That 3OH!3 song is actually pretty catchy, except for the really shitty breakdown at the end.

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