Taco Bell Cares About Helping Bands’ Bottom Lines, Widening Bottoms

Kate Richardson | October 10, 2008 1:00 am

What does music taste like to you? A quarter pound of ground beef covered in melted cheese and spicy sauce wrapped in a stale tortilla and dubious marketing ideas? You’re in luck! Taco Bell has begun the latest installment of its Feed the Beat program, which gives $500 in free food to 100 bands (many of which are made up of white dudes with ugly haircuts) from all across the country. In what may be a diabolical and awesome scheme to fatten up the country’s screamo scene, Taco Bell is asking the musicians to spend their money on Fourthmeals, a.k.a. “the food you foolishly consume at 3 a.m. in a parking lot for probably tragic personal reasons.” The other component to this campaign is the Best of the Beat contest, in which three bands will win a single produced and promoted–on “Taco Bell’s iconic Sauce Packet” (adjective choice and capitalization theirs)–by the Meximelters. Let’s have a look at some of the lucky competitors!

Alesana I don’t know anything about hardcore, or post-hardcore, so forgive me if this band is actually totally rockin’ and I just don’t have the reference points to know that Alesana is anything other than a really funny screamo band.

(Water on the drums, dude! Water on the drums!)

A Skylit Drive This video is about screamo groupies. You’ve been warned.

I:Scintilla Just when you thought screamo was the worst thing about this promotion…

30H!3 “Don’t trust a ho, never trust a ho, won’t trust a ho.” This song is bad even for empty synthesizer music about rich assholes.

So there are a hundred bands and I’ve obviously hand-picked four of the most obnoxious. But from what I can gather, it’s a pretty representative sample. So what you might want to do is visit the site, find the least offensive band, and vote for them so that none of these jokers get a free Taco Bell-produced single. We can’t allow the sacred and “iconic” sauce packets to be marred by crappy screamo!

Feed the Beat [Official site]