I Need Halloween Help

Oct 30th, 2008 // 27 Comments

I ain’t gonna front: I am one of those too-old-for-this idiots who takes Halloween very seriously. To be fair, Athens is Halloween Bonkers: Every single person in town gets dressed up, from the frat boys to the homeless to the bitter, bitter townies. Like everything in my life, I treat it as a competition, and I usually do aight in terms of costumes. I’ve been a smashing Elton John a couple of times (unfortunately, there is a resemblance). I’ve been the Brawny Paper Towel Man and Robert Smith, and once, I was Pikachu in a costume made for eight-year-olds. Pikachu hid nothing that night.

I think these are two of my greatest accomplishments.

Me as an Andy Warhol print of myself. Save for the makeup, this took about 10 bucks at Kinko’s and an hour or so of prep. It was a pain to walk around carrying it, though, because everybody kept walking into me.

Last year, I went as Benny from ABBA. I think we pulled it off.

I gravitate toward the music-related costumes usually, but this year I am at a complete loss. My ABBA team is disbanded, nobody ever wants to do my Plan 9 From Outer Space or Manos: The Hands of Fate ideas. Walking around as someone from “Pop Song 89″ in Athens would hit just a little too close to home.

I turn to you, Idolator readers. Here I am. I am a blank canvas. Paint me. I am your clay. Mold me so I don’t have to resort to rocking out with my cock out.

ABBA photo courtesy of Mike White.


  1. Chris N.

    Is that your house behind you? Awesome.

  2. Anonymous

    What about Vicky or Andy from Little Britain?

    BTW – you just won a place in my heart, like forever, for that Warhol/Abba costumes. Genius.

  3. Dead Air ummm Dead Air

    Chuck Klosterman + burritos?

  4. Lucas Jensen

    @Dead Air ummm Dead Air: Wow. Thanks.

  5. Lucas Jensen

    @Dead Air ummm Dead Air: That fish eye lens did me NO favors as far as the ABBA goes.

  6. NeverEnough

    The ABBA outfit might be the best thing I have ever seen. Well done!

  7. Catbirdseat

    How about a character from MAD MEN or GOSSIP GIRL???? I bet *no one* else will think of that!

  8. moomintroll

    That Abba costume is amazing! You can’t top it…don’t even try.

  9. Weezy F Baby

    if you’d be willing to part with a portion of that beard you could put together a pretty good Yosemite Sam costume. Grooming specifically for Halloween always gets big points.

  10. Lucas Jensen

    @moomintroll: The ladies MADE those outfits of theirs.

  11. janine

    I’m not big on Halloween, but I considered going as a box of Franzia. You decorate a cardboard box so it looks like the Franzia box and then tape a bag of the stuff inside and then, you know, drink it. The whole idea sort of morphed from this concept of having a fake pregnancy belly that had a bag o’ wine. I dunno, whatever.

  12. Lucas Jensen

    @janine: That is freaking great.

  13. moomintroll

    @Lucas Jensen: Anni-Frid’s cat jumper/dress thing is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day…perfect.

  14. Lucas Jensen

    @moomintroll: It’s actually based on a real outfit. All of them are. That’s what’s so great.

  15. Silverfuture

    Considering you’re a bigger white guy with a beard, I suggest that you get some black & white face paint and some Faygo and go as Shaggy 2 Dope.

  16. Lucas Jensen

    @Silverfuture: You saw that other post, didn’t you? No way will I ever do that. And am I really that big? Man, I’m starting to get a complex here. It’s a fisheye lens! And I’m 5’5″! It’s hard to lose the weight!

  17. fabulousrobots

    You resemble my boyfriend. Therefore, grab a lady (or dude cos it would be hilarious) and do what we’re doing: Lucille Bluth and Gene Parmesan from Arrested Development. Dress up as a repairman with a fake nose, take it off, and then have your (drunk) companion scream a lot!

  18. Maura Johnston

    i suck so bad at halloween.

    just putting it out there.

  19. Handsome Pete

    I’ve been trying to get my girlfriend to go out as The Captain and Tennille for years. With no luck.

    I hope others can have the joy that I never had.

  20. Candice Jones

    I was going to be Mayor McCheese but I am broke after CMJ, so I don’t have enough money to make my burger head. I also thought about being Arnie from Pete & Pete but I don’t have my one-sie from when I was Powered Toast Man last year. Apparently I’m going to be Katie Holmes to my friend’s Suri Cruise costume.

    I really want one of my friends to dress up as a muppet… I think you should dress up as Dr. Teeth of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. You already got the beard.

  21. Silverfuture

    @Lucas Jensen: I didn’t really mean it to sound as insulting as it may have. Sorry.

    I did see that other post, but that particular costume (which I may rock myself, if I find a place to wear it) was inspired by the fact that I see people on the L here in Chicago unironically wearing ICP gear at least a couple times a week. Yay, midwest!

  22. Anonymous

    Man, I really wish I still had those of pics of the year you were Pica Chu!

  23. Anonymous

    You can go wrong with the “classic” living room costume. Perhaps, try the kitchen this time.

  24. Lucas Jensen

    @Rockinlikedokken: That was a classic! Why, you threw that one together in about two seconds, no?

  25. Lucas Jensen

    @Handsome Pete: Seems like it would be easy, too! Dump her!

  26. Candice Jones

    Kevin kinda looks like blonde Kris Barratt.

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