Well, I no longer live in student housing, Rilo Kiley is unfortunately not in the building, and I’ll play the modesty card and argue that I’m not nearly as hilarious as Maura suggests, but yes, here I am again in the mtvU blogging pit (of doom). Oh, it’s not all that bad. The music is really loud and the table is far too high (or maybe it’s the chairs that are too low) to type comfortably, but the staff is very friendly and there are free mini-hamburgers so we’ll call it even.
8:13 p.m. Some guy dressed like a frat boy on laundry day is singing a song about beer pong. COLLEGE!!!!!
8:17 p.m. Cool Kids are performing a crowd pleasing “SCREEAAAM!” type song and laundry frat boy is crowd surfing. I’m trying to figure out how blogs work so things might be a bit bumpy for a few minutes…
8:23 p.m. Best Video award goes to Motion City Soundtrack. They didn’t say which song! Oh well, the video director just yelled Texas A&M at the end of her speech, I think. What?
8:26 p.m. Just looked it up–that fratty guy’s name is Asher Roth. He was saying something on the red carpet about bringing back good times hip-hop. Are you confused yet? Don’t worry, we’re in this together. Also, I should mention that I’m publishing without an editor so it might get a little ugly.
8:33 p.m. Ok, I may have figured out how this works. Let’s go. The girl who played the rebel character in the movie Saved! just introduced Lykke Li.
8:37 p.m. Lykke Li is beating the shit out of a cymbal and playing a kazoo. COLLEGGEEE MUUUUSIIIIC! But seriously she sounds good live. If you like suspiciously adept Scandinavian pop artists she’s a good bet.
8:44 p.m. Some guy has joined Lykke Li on stage. Who is it? I feel as if I should know. Shit, everyone is waving their hands and they know who he is! It’s a kind of funky song.
8:50 p.m. You know, this event is a lot like college actually. Right now I feel just like I felt during my Natural Science midterm a few weeks ago: I didn’t study hard enough, and everyone else seems to know more than I do. It was Q-Tip who came out during Lykke Li’s song, by the way. See? Just like in Science I get a C+ in music blogging.
8:55 p.m. Chromeo just won the Left Field Woodie.
8:59 p.m. Haha I’m looking at Drake from Drake and Josh (a Nickelodeon show). He looks bored. The DJ just put on “Paper Planes” and the crowd is loving it. Rest assured that will be the go-to party song of the next three years. I’m eating some french fries that I stole and put in my jacket pocket.
9:05 p.m. Oh, shit, the DJ just Rickrolled us (there’s a big screen projecting music videos during the breaks).
9:08 p.m. Moby went to UConn
9:11 p.m. Best Music on Campus Woodie goes to…The Bride Who Wore Black. Emo-types who go to NYU, actually.
9:13 p.m. Mark Fucking Hoppus is on stage, man. I walked very close to him in the free food room and 13-year-old me was very pleased. He’s hot these days, I have to say. He’s being obnoxious, as usual. Introducing All Time Low. But he’s making fun of asymmetrical haircuts, so OK.
9:18 p.m. All Time Low: a decent pop-punk band seven years too late. Ohhh my, they have dancing girls in sparkly bikinis! Things just got a whole lot more like a pro football cheerleading session in here.
9:24 p.m. Ok, they gave away a Breaking Woodie award to There for Tomorrow, whoever they may be.
9:30 p.m. We’re in a commercial break, so let’s take a minute to reflect on the red carpet. One of my favorite moments was when I talked to the dudes from the All American Rejects about the documentary Okie Noodling (the band is from Oklahoma). I was telling this to my friend on AIM just now and she said something that I think more or less defines my career in music blogging: “You do realize you’re the exact person 14-year-olds want to kill. Like that ungrateful, smart ass person that gets to meet emo celebrities and talk bullshit with them.”
9:34 p.m. Debbie Harry wearing a heinous wig (oh God, does she have cancer?) introducing Santogold. Santogold lives up to hype–give her a listen. She’s currently wearing what looks like an LSU marching band uniform from 1985. It’s purple and gold lemme, matching eye shadow. She sounds good live. Everyone so far has been surprisingly up to snuff live and the sound is not half bad in here.
9:41 p.m. Spank Rock is here now in Santogold’s set. Do the Woodies just keep him around to terrorize the award show? He was outta hand last year, if I remember correctly.
9:44 p.m. An “internet comedian” is presenting the Good Woodie award (for bands that are charitable or something). The Guy from Jack’s Mannequin aka The Guy from Something Corporate won. Ok, ok I admit that I thought he was cute on the red carpet. Weird, squirrely, mustache-having, but endearing. He said he was afraid of the internet, and I respected him for that.
9:50 p.m. Break time at the Roseland Ballroom. Let’s talk red carpet. Yes, I did discuss the song “Konstantine” with the guy from Something Corporate (he was a good sport), Santi White of Santogold was really pretty up close, and apparently asymmetrical haircuts are still a thing. I think that’s about all you’d need or want to know, really.
10:00 p.m. All American Rejects making boner jokes, promoting their new album, being flippant about this awards show (the nerve!). They’re presenting Woodie of the Year. Lil Wayne, MGMT, Paramore, Santogold, and it goes to…Paramore. The dudes in AAR just mooned the audience with Paramore written on their asses. At least I think that’s what happened. I looked up and I saw ass. Anyway, Paramore won. The lead singer of AAR made a lurid thrusting motion. You know how it goes.
10:06 p.m. Vampire Weekend performing with Chromeo. Sounds like Vampire Weekend performing without Chromeo at this point. Oh wait, the heavier guy in Chromeo is doing some vocoder action.
10:10 p.m. Vampire Weekend is cute. Maybe that’s just my WASP roots talking, but I can’t help it. They sound a lot better than they did on SNL. Aaaaand now they’re playing A-Punk. Wise choice. The kids are loving it. Music for privileged white people in New York by privileged white people in New York.
10:16 p.m.: It’s done. Final thoughts when I get home.
FInal thoughts: This year’s show was about the same experience as last year’s, though perhaps a little more smoothly run, and with free food! Santogold was my favorite performance, but really everyone sounded decent to genuinely entertaining. It was not a half bad show, though the question remains: who cares? A few people flipping through the channels in dorm rooms will catch it, and I suppose a few who get mtvU on fancy cable, but beyond that the Woodies are relegated to live-blogs and internet photo galleries. And it’s almost a shame, too. Despite any crankiness, when I think about it the Woodies are short, reasonably relevant, not too self-serious, and an excuse for shameless erection humor, which is more than any other televised award show can say for itself.