Michael Jackson Continues His Journey Toward Infinite Creepiness

Nov 19th, 2008 // 2 Comments

What is it about the spooky shell of a human known as Michael Jackson that inspires people to make such monumentally misguided decisions? Some people entrusted their children to him; now comes word that someone had the genius idea to advance him huge sums of money for an album he never produced and was never going to in the first place because he’s not capable of earthly functions anymore. Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa of Bahrain, apparently operating under the assumption that Jackson could somehow be restored to his previous glory, pumped millions into a record deal for Jackson in the hopes of reviving his career. Now Jackson claims that the money was a “gift” and Sheikh Abdulla is taking him to court in London for the sum of £4.7 million. Hold on, though–that whole series of events may be pretty sketchy, but it’s just not weird enough to be a Jackson story yet.


Michael Jackson could be made to fly to the High Court in London to testify in a breach of contract case, despite his doctor saying he is unfit to travel.

The court heard the singer was waiting on test results about an unspecified condition and that “even in a best-case scenario it would be unwise to travel”.

However, lawyers for Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa said he could be “bandaged up” and appear in person.

This “unspecified condition” is really just “being Michael Jackson.” But here’s the part that really gets the skin crawling:

The doctor has advised that Jackson would not be fit to travel regardless of the results.

But medical experts consulted by the defence team said that pathology results relating to such a condition would usually take 48 hours, Sheikh Abdulla’s lawyer Bankim Thanki said.

As Mr Jackson had seen the doctor ten days ago, Sheikh Abdulla was “rightly sceptical” about the doctor’s letter, Mr Thanki added.

The defence team’s experts also said that, even if test results were positive, it would be possible for Mr Jackson to fly to London with “suitable dressings”.

Suitable dressings?” OK, it’s official. Michael Jackson is now Jeff Goldblum in The Fly.

What else could explain such cryptic statements? Oh wait, maybe his crooked doctor is just being weird and vague because Michael Jackson is a desperate nutjob in need of an excuse to flee from his own terrifying reality. The question is, what’s going to happen when he runs out of money to pay doctors for their “Please excuse Michael from life today” notes? One shudders to think about the prospect of this narrative getting even more tragic.

Jackson ‘too sick’ for court case [BBC]

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  1. cockfightbarmitzvah

    I believe the “unspecified condition” is known in medical books as Batshitcrazyitis. The only known cure for it is prolonged exposure to the drug Quitbeinsodamncrazy.

  2. Anonymous

    it’s called, i pumped my face full of plastic, and now it’s melted off…boo!

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