For A Platinum Weird Holiday, Give Your Woman A Metallic Vibrator Designed By Dave Stewart

Dec 10th, 2008 // 9 Comments

Straight fellas and lesbians, here’s one for your lady for the holidays! What self-respecting music fan wouldn’t desire a vibrator endorsed by one-half of ’80s powerhouse pop duo The Eurythmics? No, no, no, not Annie Lennox—she’s too classy and/or successful for that. Nope, Dave Stewart and vibrator designer jimmyjane have put together this doozy, a Dave Stewart-branded version of jimmyjane’s “Little Something” vibrator line.



In a stunning display of Web 2.no synergy that absolutely no one ever will ever care about ever, the vibrator comes with a digital download of Stewart’s hot new jam, “Let’s Do It Again”, a song which has lyrics every bit as trite as that title suggests. Check out the video here. It features porn stars writhing and some band playing something and people shopping for things?

Honestly, who is this thing for? As tipster First Attempt asks, “Why link a vibrator to the beardy bloke from the Eurythmics? I’m sure most women don’t go ‘Mmmm, sexy’ at the mention of his name.” Furthermore, read the description of the Little Chroma Tonight model:

For front-row rockers, LITTLE CHROMA TONIGHT is lathed from high-grade aluminum, then anodized to a deep black finish. This dark and enigmatic companion is the perfect backdrop for the handwritten chorus of Dave Stewart’s song.

The ultimate backstage pass, the vibrator comes with a leather cord threaded through the cap so it can be worn around the neck and taken out on the town. Also on the strap is a custom guitar pick – just in case a serenade or a solo is in order.

The ultimate backstage pass? Handwritten chorus? A custom guitar pick? Never mind the fact that Stewart is most famous for keyboard-driven songs, this whole enterprise is hokier than Pay It Forward.

Stewart already plied his vibrating wares on the Howard Stern show in September in an apparently “legendary” appearance… so legendary that the videos have been taken down! Apparently he went on there and did the usual Howard Stern-approved antics: he talked about having sex with famous people, ogled some models with Howard, and played “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” with a vibrator. He’s offered up an MP3 of “Somewhere Under The Rainbow”, and I call shenanigans on it. The vibrator sounds completely pitch-shifted, like one of those sampling keyboards Collin Donnelly had when I was growing up. We used to make farting noises into it and play songs back with the pitch-shifted fart sounds and laugh and laugh and laugh. I was 10. Besides coming to the porn chic party about five years too late, apparently, Stewart still thinks girl and boy parts are still funny.

The Dave Stewart Vibrator! [First Attempt]
Hum Along With Jimmyjane + Rock Fabulous [Jimmyjane]
Dave & Howard Stern “Over The Rainbow” With Vibrators [The Dave Stewart Songbook]

idolator

  1. NeverEnough

    You should see the Heaven 17 We Don’t Need This Fascist Groove Thong I’m wearing.

  2. Maura Johnston

    @NeverEnough: ahahaha

  3. Lucas Jensen

    @NeverEnough: Yay!

  4. Chris Molanphy

    @NeverEnough: FTW.

  5. bcapirigi

    it would be better if it used the ohmibod technology and vibrated to the beat of Here Comes The Rain Again or, perhaps, Sisters Are Doin It For Themselves.

  6. NeverEnough

    @Chris Molanphy: Here’s how lame I am: ever since I first saw someone use “FTW”, I thought it meant “fuck the world”. Urbandictionary.com just shed some light onto that little misconception (it also proved useful in learning what “Superman” referred to in that Soulja Boy song. Can’t say I saw that one coming… and neither did she!

  7. Lucas Jensen

    @NeverEnough: OMG really? That’s awesome. I said “my bag” instead of “my bad” for about 15 years, thinking, like, if you screwed up you were left holding the bag, so to speak.

  8. Maura Johnston

    @NeverEnough: i thought the same thing!

  9. NeverEnough

    @Maura Johnston: Thank god it wasn’t just me.

    @Lucas Jensen: “My bag”! I love that. On a not-really-related note, my boyfriend in high school took German. One day, he jokingly told me that “Achtung” meant “surf’s up”. Naive, 16 year old me believed him. Fast forward an embarrassing amount of years: I’m watching a Hitler documentary and hear The Fuhrer say what I think is “surf’s up” and am confused because Germany is land-locked. Duh.

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