Cher’s Ringlets Wish You A Merry Christmas

I was recently alerted to the online presence of this hypnotically bad 1976 Sonny and Cher Christmas special, and this Cher-led Christmas medley really takes the cake. It’s set in a Dickensian soundstage, and some maybe famous people show up to help her out. Her “Oh Holy Night”… man. It’s like the Vibrato Goblin jumped down her throat. The felt-like fabric of the costumes comes straight from a 1975 Jo-Ann Fabric Store, like people are dressed up in the Formica color palettes. If anybody has ever been to the decrepit made-for-making-out Monster Plantation ride at Six Flags Over Georgia they should recognize Cher’s look, particularly the heavy duty ringlets; she looks just like that lady that greets you at the beginning of the ride!

From the same special, this 70sization of Jingle Bells is pretty jamming, and it comes complete with an “R”s as “W”s solo section from Chastity wherein she looks like she’s either about to cry or take a big poop. Cher’s tight-as-hell braids are out of control. Those things look like bullwhips!

Bernadette Peters, Captain Kangaroo, and Chastity (why is she still singing?) show up to help out with “Christmas Rock N Roll”. Bernadette wrestles with Ms. Melisma and loses. Captain Kangaroo sounds like Johnny Cash.

Pure insanity. Santa (as played by William Conrad) looks drunk and dirty. I need a shower.

William Conrad tells a story. Chastity seems genuinely interested.

Man, do I miss variety shows! Can we give Rosie one more chance? Wait. No.

  • Reidicus

    Oh, what a dead on reference — compare for yourselves!


  • Lucas Jensen

    Miz Scarlett? That’s her name, Reid?

  • Reidicus

    Mizzy Scarlett, I think, is what they called her. At one point, back when Atlanta still had some regional identity, that was an appropriate regional reference. Now we’re just a faceless corporate burbclave.

  • Chris N.

    My favorite holiday tradition is Paul Shaffer’s annual impression of Cher singing “O Holy Night.”

  • Lucas Jensen

    @Chris N.: I love Paul Shaffer.

  • uptonking

    Cher at her worst is really Cher at her best. (I love her warble; it’s the sound you would expect a fat pigeon to make). At least I assume she was always in on the joke. Check out the appearance David Bowie made on her solo show. They sing this bizarre medley of oldies book marked by Bowie’s ‘Young Americans’. You can find it on YouTube. The musical transitions are alarming, the theme non-apparent (has something to do about being young in America, I guess), and while Cher waffles between looking embarrassed or bored, Bowie (probably coked out his mind) seems to enjoy being ridiculous. There is also a clip of them doing a duet of a cut from Bowie’s ‘Young Americans’ (Can You Hear Me). What missed opportunity. But what a fun piece of kitsch.

  • Chris N.

    Cocaine is a hell of a drug.