Not Directly Music-Related, But Still Kinda Relevant Dept.

Dec 18th, 2008 // 23 Comments

So much for orange tongues holding your memories of late nights, everybody: “MillerCoors agreed to stop selling Sparks, a caffeinated alcohol drink, as part of an agreement Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan announced Thursday.” But wait, it gets worse: “MillerCoors will also cease marketing campaigns that appeal to underage youth, like its sponsorship of professional air guitarist William Ocean.” Oh, great. Now what are the young air guitarists practicing in their basements going to aspire to? [St. Louis Business Journal; HT Dan C.]


  1. Lucas Jensen

    I might have already told this story here, but my coworker Jon and I didn’t know what Sparks was a few SXSWs ago, and they were free, and we each drank, like, four. They tasted like Sweet Tarts! I thought my skeleton was going to jump out of my nostrils. Sparks does sponsor a lot of cool, free shows here in Athens. So does Camel!

  2. Maura Johnston

    @Lucas Jensen: not anymore!

  3. moomintroll

    Aww, Sparks-tongue was the only thing that made the Pitchfork Festival amusing this year. (Well that and Jarvis)

  4. MayhemintheHood

    So many kids in Silverlake are bummed right now. I always hated Sparks, never understood it’s appeal to the young, cool kids. It tastes like shit and makes you look like you have jaundice.

  5. Maura Johnston

    i wonder if i should add a ‘miss u’ tag to this post.

  6. El Zilcho!

    Stupid underage kids, they ruin all the fun.

  7. baconfat

    I was a huge fan of Sparks until I found out it was part of the MillerCoors family. But I was really looking forward to just one night with a grip of the announced-then-shelved Sparks Red for old times’ sake, which I suppose will never happen now.

  8. T'Challa

    @Lucas Jensen: Man, it sounds like we might have been at the same Vice party at that SXSW you mentioned. It was also the first time I’d ever had the stuff, and probably quaffed just as many if not more (my fuzzy recollection is around five).

    My friends and I stayed up the entire night, watching the sunrise from the hotel balcony, buzzed out of our brains. But totally wide awake! And I will always have love for Sparks because of that night…

  9. Bob Loblaw

    “Get out of my rock-related pantomime fantasies, get into my car.”

    -William Ocean

  10. NeverEnough

    @Maura Johnston: Yes!

    Since I got pregnant, both Sparks and Zima have gone out of business. DAMMIT! I’m wondering if I should rush out and stock up on some now– big belly and all.

  11. Jess Harvell

    haha i am so mad (“mad”) that gawker beat me to a corny-ass “when they came for zima, i did not speak up…” gag.

  12. RaptorAvatar

    Few other beverages were as conducive to my lifestyle as Sparks. Mourn ya til I join ya, borderline toxic fit of transcendance. Now, who wants to help me make Cisco the next hipster drink?

    @T’Challa: @Lucas Jensen: That’s exactly why they got rid of it. You guys are just like the kids who ruined acid by thinking they could fly.

  13. Jess Harvell


    this should be the “new thing” in novelty cocktails.

  14. MayhemintheHood

    @RaptorAvatar: You had to pick one of the few beverages that tastes worse than Sparks. I wish I could join you on that one. How about hipsters just do coke/amphetamines while drinking regular booze, like normal people.

  15. Lucas Jensen

    @MayhemintheHood: Cisco is the pits. I like Joose.

  16. Anonymous

    @MayhemintheHood: Because cocaine is expensive and doesn’t remind me what a huge dork I am.

  17. Lucas Jensen

    What’s gonna happen with Drank?


  18. Anonymous

    I’m seriously stocking up. I love the stuff. You’re flying high and feeling dangerous for just a few bucks. Can’t beat it.

  19. ghostyhead

    Seriously, it’s liquid cocaine, only much cheaper and legal.

    Damn kids ruining everything!

  20. T'Challa

    @RaptorAvatar: well, if laughing like loons with your friends over the varying degrees of orange everyone’s tongue has turned while rifling through the bottomless bag of SXSW promos is a bad thing, I don’t want to be good!

    PS: No one was harmed in the making of this Sparks-induced memory…

  21. T'Challa

    @RaptorAvatar: The only difference being that on Sparks, you CAN fly!! Just watch…

  22. Tauwan

    Guess I’m going back to Night Train.


  23. I can’t take these drinks, they’re just far too harsh on me. You get so much more drunk because of all the energy rush that comes with it. I always skitz out and need something to relax with afterward.

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