Which “Actual Musician” Is Looking Back In Anger About “Buzz Ballads 2″?

Dec 30th, 2008 // 30 Comments

Because this was too good to pass up: Jess’ October post on the ’90s crass-in compilation Buzz Ballads 2 resulted in what may have been our most foul-mouthed, anger-tinged, comment of the year. Sure, 30 tracks of ’90s post-grunge schmaltz would put anyone in a bad mood, but this aggravated comment from someone who goes by the name “actualmusician” went the extra mile and got me thinking that some rock-radio staple out there wants to spend his new year selling the drama, and not applying novocaine to his clearly hardened soul:


Fuck all of you no talent wannabes who criticize these bands on this compilation of music.
First of all they did not name the title of this disc.
And second they probably put their songs on the disc to make money because most of them have none because you idiots all download your music off the fucking internet instead of buying their records or actually paying for the fucking download.
Don’t criticize someone else’s art if you cannot write the lyrics, compose the sheet of music, and produce the fucking record yourselves.
Most of you probably cannot even read music, or play something besides what you can learn by ear. Shut Up! You have no right!
And all that shit about this is a free country is just a defense mechanism to help you shield yourself from getting your feelings hurt. BooHoo!

The defensiveness and the sorta-inner knowledge of how the comp was named (hey, I didn’t know that Ed Kowalczyk and Gavin Rossdale didn’t get a say in its marketing strategy) make me think that “ActualMusicia” has to be someone whose band is on the compilation. So here’s the track list, once again!

Disc One
Stone Temple Pilots, “Plush”
Creed, “Arms Wide Open”
Oasis, “Don’t Look Back In Anger”
Staind, “So Far Away”
Simple Plan, “Perfect”
Fuel, “Bad Day”
Everclear, “Wonderful”
Finger Eleven, “One Thing”
P.O.D., “Youth Of The Nation”
Collective Soul, “December”
The Jesus & Mary Chain, “Sometimes Always”
Candlebox, “Cover Me”
The Lemonheads, “Into Your Arms”
Barenaked Ladies, “Pinch Me”
Sugar Ray, “Someday”

Disc Two
Hoobastank, “The Reason”
Lifehouse, “You And Me”
Our Lady Peace , “Clumsy”
Three Doors Down, “Be Like That”
Hole, “Malibu”
Counting Crows, “Round Here”
Cranberries, “Dreams”
Toad The Wet Sprocket, “Walk On The Ocean”
Gin Blossoms, “Until I Fall Away”
Sister Hazel, “All For You”
Live, “Selling The Drama”
Bush, “Swallowed”
Tonic, “You Wanted More”
Eels, “Novocaine For The Soul”
311, “Love Song”

It has to be Stapp, right? Has to be.

Earlier: Buzz Ballads 2: Scraping The Barrel To Sell You The Drama

  1. MayhemintheHood

    When I went to the original article, ActualMusician’s comment was the last. Did he really kill the thread like that? No comebacks? Or did you just disable comments in fear of Scott Stapp? Either way, that commenter sounds pretty funny and he should come around more often.

  2. Anonymous

    Personally, I hate the overwrought TV commercials they use to sell these useless compilations, but I found the post by “actualmusician” to be hilarious! Of course, I “criticize someone else’s art” on a regular basis, so maybe I’m biased, but I don’t think that this commenter has a clue….

    Bands don’t “put their songs” on compilations like Buzz Ballads or the Now series ’cause the standard label contract typically doesn’t pay royalties on comp albums. Sure, they have to pay songwriting royalties, and I suppose that would bring Scott Stapp a few dollars, but I’ve never known a band that wanted their music included on a comp.

    As for reading music or learning to play by ear, damn, the great Howlin’ Wolf couldn’t even read, much less pass an exam at Berklee, and his catalog kicks the crap out of any of these band’s work. That being said, Buzz Ballads 2 is certainly a creepy trip down memory lane. With the exception of Hole, and maybe Collective Soul, if I never heard any of these bands again, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it…and does the Jesus & Mary Chain even belong on this comp??!

    Of course, I’m a ’70s kinda guy myself…Sabbath, Uriah Heep, Alice Cooper & Deep Purple rule!!!

  3. Al Shipley

    @MayhemintheHood: I believe their comment was left just today, nearly 3 months after the original post, which gives credence to the theory that one of the Buzz Balladeers in question stumbled across the post whilst googling themselves.

  4. MayhemintheHood

    @Al Shipley: Ahhhhhhh, gotcha. I didn’t check out the time the comment was left…just assumed it was back in October. That comment just got funnier.

  5. bcapirigi

    Well, it wasn’t Courtney Love (not the good spelling), I doubt it was the Jesus and Mary Chain, and everybody seemed miffed that the eels were on there, so I doubt it was one of them. Eliminating the ones that are still fairly popular/well-likes, that leaves… Collective Soul? Tonic? I’m gonna say Tonic, because I always got them confused with Fuel, even then when all I did was listen to this stuff.

  6. bcapirigi

    @bcapirigi: er… note the good spelling.

  7. Rob Murphy

    Obviously, it was Gwen Stefani, who stumbled across the post while googling to find out if anyone was still writing about Gavin Rossdale.

  8. The Van Buren Boys

    I’m just going to assume that this was Scott Stapp. It’s more fun that way.

    Anyway not only do I buy music, but I can also play and read music as well so I guess I’m qualified to criticize. As for being able to write lyrics, my ten year old cousin could write better lyrics than those in at least 75% of the songs in the compilation.

  9. ghostyhead

    It’s also his/her only comment… and he/she only got commenter status this month. So they got a commenter account just to be a dick about a worthless comp? Yikes.

  10. Audif Jackson Winters III

    It doesn’t include “fookin’”, so we can rule out both of the Gallagher brothers.

  11. Maura Johnston

    @ghostyhead: Oh, you should see our rejected comments file. Let’s just say that a lot of people take a wrong turn into my warm embrace when they really want to be visiting the Pretty Ricky chat room.

  12. baconfat

    i love how the commenter uses the internet to express his antipathy towards the “fucking internet.”

    my guess is a member of finger eleven or lifehouse. just a gut feeling.

  13. Rob Murphy

    Maybe it’s not someone on the CD, but some other ActualMusician googling their favorite artist, so…

    Miley Cyrus looking up the lyrics to “Arms Wide Open”?

  14. NeverEnough

    @Maura Johnston: Ahahahaha! You should have a post full of ‘em.

  15. John P Strohm

    As a former member of a band on the comp (yikes) and as an occasional contributor to this site, I can say with confidence that the poster was NOT Evan Dando. I think the guesses on the comments thread so far are pretty solid. And I laughed so hard when I read the post in question that my mouthful of latte squirted out of my nose. Actual musician indeed…

  16. Anonymous

    @Rev.Keith:

    What he said about Howlin’ Wolf.

  17. John P Strohm

    @Rev.Keith: your comments regarding comp royalties (and artists’ desire to be included on such comps) are factually off the mark.

  18. Ted Striker

    @John P Strohm:

    Crap. Dando was my guess, actually.

    It’s obviously someone from a band who prides himself on his art, man. I’m going with Tonic.

  19. Anonymous

    Not including “I’ve Got You Where I Want You” by Fly they kind of leave it open for a sequal.
    Oh, and I can read sheet music (and Middle English), but I can not play by ear. Strange. I’m guessing Staind. Seems very suburban Chicago to me.

  20. Maura Johnston

    @K-Rex: God, I loved that song. Terrible for karaoke though.

  21. John P Strohm

    @Ted Striker: It’s clear from the post that actualmusician is a raging self-important douchebag with no sense of humor – that should narrow the field a little bit. I’m not going to leap to Dando’s defense on all fronts (though I’ll confess I’m quite fond of the guy and of his work), but I will say he’s definitely neither self-important nor a douchebag, and he has a razor-sharp sense of humor. And he’s the last guy on the friggin’ planet that would ever google himself – or surf the Internet for any reason for that matter (unless he was trying to find the weirdest videos on youtube).

  22. John P Strohm

    @Lucas Jensen: Damn, I told those bozos not to credit me.

  23. Lucas Jensen

    @John P Strohm: John, you were great on that Three Doors Down jam. ;)

  24. Chris B.

    I think it’s Art Alexakis – he’s got a history of jumping in to discussions on the internet to “set the record straight”.

  25. DocStrange

    There’s a few good songs there (“Don’t Look Back in Anger”, “Into Your Arms”, “Novocaine for the Soul” and “Sometimes Always” (Jesus & Mary Chain? What are you doing here? You have better compilations to appear on!)) a few guilty pleasures (“All For You”) and a bunch of stuff that made me hate being a listener of alt rock radio in the 90′s (my local alt station – which like many New England alt stations with the exception of WAAF – has been immune to the mainstream rock creep of recent years – made a point of never playing Creed, and a few years ago put all of their un-listened to Creed discs in a Blendtec blender, a video of which is at the bottom of my message).

    Another reason I hate these Buzz compelations is that they make me feel old (but not old enough as they failed to license the music of the three bands I listened to the most growing up listening to WBRU – The Cure, They Might Be Giants and Blur)

  26. DocStrange

    Also, boy, actualmusician! you wait until December to post on something from October. I guess you needed to wait until the next time you were allowed back into the library, nameless drummer for Toad the Wet Sprocket?

  27. MayhemintheHood

    @Maura Johnston: The video features some prime Katie Holmes, too. That’s a killer combo.

  28. DocStrange

    @Lucas Jensen: I just picked the one band out of the Buzz bands that I know, but can’t remember music because it was too bland, nor any of the members.

    Well, to rule out the other people, Hoobastank, 3 Doors Down and Finger Eleven are too busy rolling on their large piles of money to both what some blog says about a random compilation they appeared on.

    Maybe it’s the original lead singer for Fuel who the band kicked out solely so Chris Daughtry could be their new one, and then got a new guy when he said no instead of asking the one who sang on their hits back. My other guesses are Eric Erlandson of Hole or the guy who sings for Tonic.

  29. Lucas Jensen

    @DocStrange: That guy from Toad the Wet Sprocket was pretty nice and funny.

  30. bcapirigi

    @DocStrange: They did play Creed, a lot, if you’re talking about BRU. They also started playing Metallica around the same time. They pretend they never did, now, but they also pretend they never played Jewel and Sheryl Crow for most of the nineties.

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