Y’all are familiar with this doofus and his shtick right? Young and preppy white dude rapper with enough post-alt appeal and self-awareness to avoid instantly being binned as straight-up novelty. Wrote a dopey-ass song called “I Love College” — his alma mater happens to be in my home town — so chillax in its bro-friendly stoopidity that it makes the Uncle Kracker oeuvre sound like a gabba remix of “Brass Monkey.” Extols virtues of watery domestics, poor but vigorous dancing, and capturing frat ragers and/or sex with sorority sisters on cell phone cameras. My pal Michaelangelo Matos recently wrote of Roth’s probable (currently No. 22 and rising) hit: “Let’s hope these remain [the year’s] longest four minutes.” Now I am no fan of Mr. Roth’s. But it’s only the second week of March. Surely we can come up with a stinker worse than “I Love College.” Right? Five ideas for possible 2008 hits that would have me instantly covering my ears/spinning the dial/putting my fist through the TV* after the jump.
- Limp Bizkit reunion not only produces hit single, it produces enough hit singles to get to the ballad.
- Kanye gets his heart broken again, discovers Frippertronics and gamelan.
- Some A&R genius finally demands a record sampling/interpolating “Never Gonna Give You Up” a la “Right Round.” (While this would make me want to die, I would, however, still like a cheesy rap single that samples Darude’s “Sandstorm.”)
- Katy Perry’s “difficult second album” and its attendant turgid, over-compressed concept-rock about celebrity/venereal discomfort.
- Chad Kroeger gets his heart broken, discovers AutoTune and old drum ‘n’ bass records.
And so I ask you, fair readers, what potential pop puke would you least like to hear in the next nine months?
*Probably would just turn the TV off, actually. TVs are expensive.
Asher Roth – “I Love College” [YouTube]