Asher Roth: Can/Will 2009 Go Lower Than “I Love College”?

Y’all are familiar with this doofus and his shtick right? Young and preppy white dude rapper with enough post-alt appeal and self-awareness to avoid instantly being binned as straight-up novelty. Wrote a dopey-ass song called “I Love College” — his alma mater happens to be in my home town — so chillax in its bro-friendly stoopidity that it makes the Uncle Kracker oeuvre sound like a gabba remix of “Brass Monkey.” Extols virtues of watery domestics, poor but vigorous dancing, and capturing frat ragers and/or sex with sorority sisters on cell phone cameras. My pal Michaelangelo Matos recently wrote of Roth’s probable (currently No. 22 and rising) hit: “Let’s hope these remain [the year's] longest four minutes.” Now I am no fan of Mr. Roth’s. But it’s only the second week of March. Surely we can come up with a stinker worse than “I Love College.” Right? Five ideas for possible 2008 hits that would have me instantly covering my ears/spinning the dial/putting my fist through the TV* after the jump.

- Limp Bizkit reunion not only produces hit single, it produces enough hit singles to get to the ballad.

- Kanye gets his heart broken again, discovers Frippertronics and gamelan.

- Some A&R genius finally demands a record sampling/interpolating “Never Gonna Give You Up” a la “Right Round.” (While this would make me want to die, I would, however, still like a cheesy rap single that samples Darude’s “Sandstorm.”)

- Katy Perry’s “difficult second album” and its attendant turgid, over-compressed concept-rock about celebrity/venereal discomfort.

- Chad Kroeger gets his heart broken, discovers AutoTune and old drum ‘n’ bass records.

And so I ask you, fair readers, what potential pop puke would you least like to hear in the next nine months?

*Probably would just turn the TV off, actually. TVs are expensive.

Asher Roth – “I Love College” [YouTube]

  • DocStrange

    It’s April and i’m the first commenter.

    Oh well. My nomination is “The Man That Can’t Be Moved” by the Script (technically a 2008 song, but not released here until last month). It’s not as bad as “I Love College” but it very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very bland.