The Paradiso Girls Have Been Suspended In Amber For The Past Four Years
1. The blatant brand-whoring. The era of “aspirational” pop culture is over and done, and that definitely includes songs that were made for singing along with bottle service paid for by horny i-bankers. At this point, if you’re going to sing a song that gives a shout-out to a liquor, you might want to grab a rhyming dictionary and figure out what words match with “Mad Dog” or “Stroh’s.”
2. The Lil Jon cameo. Apparently on Hilson’s version, T-Pain was also in the mix. Budget cuts are tough, no?
3. The made-for-bleeping chorus. Sure, we may be living in the era of pop hits about oral sex and punny ways to say “fuck me,” but something tells me that a song with a chorus of “we could all get fucked up tonight” will be a bridge too far for fearful program directors.
4. Robin Antin, mastermind. OK, not that this has anything to do with the song itself—I can’t find “writing credits,” as they were, but the track was produced by Polow Da Don—but shouldn’t she be focusing on breaking Girlicious in America?
Oh, what am I saying. This song is going to be inescapable this summer. And there’ll be a remix, and Nicole Scherzinger will sing on it, and it’ll finally provide her with enough momentum to release a solo album. Right?