The Paradiso Girls Have Been Suspended In Amber For The Past Four Years

“Patron Tequila” is the debut single from the Paradiso Girls, a girl group masterminded by Pussycat Dolls creator Robin Antin whose most famous member was a runner-up in the short-lived CW singing/ass-shaking competitive reality show Fetch Me A Skank The Search For The Next Doll. According to various bits of Internet lore, the track was supposed to be on Keri Hilson‘s long-delayed In A Perfect World…, but it was pulled from the track listing at the last minute. Which is probably not a bad thing, given that there are four big reasons it sounds like the perfectly wrong song for the current national mood.

1. The blatant brand-whoring. The era of “aspirational” pop culture is over and done, and that definitely includes songs that were made for singing along with bottle service paid for by horny i-bankers. At this point, if you’re going to sing a song that gives a shout-out to a liquor, you might want to grab a rhyming dictionary and figure out what words match with “Mad Dog” or “Stroh’s.”

2. The Lil Jon cameo. Apparently on Hilson’s version, T-Pain was also in the mix. Budget cuts are tough, no?

3. The made-for-bleeping chorus. Sure, we may be living in the era of pop hits about oral sex and punny ways to say “fuck me,” but something tells me that a song with a chorus of “we could all get fucked up tonight” will be a bridge too far for fearful program directors.

4. Robin Antin, mastermind. OK, not that this has anything to do with the song itself—I can’t find “writing credits,” as they were, but the track was produced by Polow Da Don—but shouldn’t she be focusing on breaking Girlicious in America?

Oh, what am I saying. This song is going to be inescapable this summer. And there’ll be a remix, and Nicole Scherzinger will sing on it, and it’ll finally provide her with enough momentum to release a solo album. Right?

Paradiso Girls – Patron Tequila [YouTube via Music Is The Heart Of Our Soul]