MOG Leaps Into Battle, Weaksauce Rhymes In Tow

MOG has been one of those “music 2.0″ sites desperately in need of an identity since its launch a few years ago. First, it was a last.fm-styled playlist watcher that had blogging attached. Then it dabbled in masterminding its own ad network, as well as allowing people who blogged on its site to stream songs from their entries. And now it’s trying to be a “Huffington Post of Music,” which basically means that the site’s apparently not-well-trafficked homepage is cluttered with links to local pages that then link through to blogs that participate in its various networks. A genius way to increase pageviews—although its real ace in the hole, according to TechCrunch, seems to be that “[the site's] entire editoral staff consists of only six people, and its contributing authors aren’t getting paid—they’re just writing about what they love.” (Can someone tell me why it consistently seems that the “brave new world of Music 2.0″ is one where only executives are allowed to make money off digital music?)



The news of MOG’s rebranding would be merely eye-roll-worthy were it not for the, um, “battle rap” that the site has decided to unleash in conjunction with this repositioning. It was apparently written by MOG CEO David Hyman, who feels that what the blogosphere is missing are people who are into “real music.” (You know, like Bob Dylan!) Hyman was so impressed with his handiwork, he posted it to his blog, and put it smack dab in the middle of his site’s homepage, touting the “BATTLE RAP DISSING COMPETITION” it was kicking off. Let’s look at the lyrics!

MOG’s in the house; if you fakin’, get out
MOG’s in the house; if you fakin’, get out
What is it? Yeah, it’s the M-O-G
And we some real-ass hustlers, you better believe us
Yeah, and we takin’ the crown
So if you fakin’, get out, ’cause we ain’t playin’ around
Who is it, man? It’s the M-O-G
And we some real-ass hustlers, you better believe us
Yeah, and we takin’ the crown
So if you fakin’, get out, ’cause we ain’t playin’ around

The impostors launch their flash but they just ain’t got no soul
Silicon Valley geeks in it just for the dough
They don’t know Jimi from Joni, don’t know Dylan from Neil
They just know what’s on the Billboard, and they think it is real
We’re sick of your bullshit and your hype and your cheese
I mean come on, you are not going to last – bro, please
‘Cause when the MOG dog bites, it’ll never let go
It’s gonna tear your ass down, make you reap what you sew
I’m not going to name names, suckas know who you are
Y’all are lackin’ in the game, man, not up to par
What we do with 12 people takes you 210
You can never reach the level of the MOG, my friend
Y’all should’ve known better, music isn’t the same
As biotech, software, and video games
If you fakin’, get out, because we takin’ the crown
If you fakin’, get out, because we takin’ the crown

Yeah, it’s the M-O-G
And we some real-ass hustlers, you better believe us
Yeah, and we takin’ the crown
So if you fakin’, get out, ’cause we ain’t playin’ around
Who is it, man? It’s the M-O-G
And we some real-ass hustlers, you better believe us
Yeah, and we takin’ the crown
So if you fakin’, get out, ’cause we ain’t playin’ around

This game is not for suckers, you stupid motherfuckers
So if you are a sucker, get out. Bounce.
Now. And start selling some hedge funds
You guys are snakes in the grass, not legends
Y’all might have got bigger way mo’ faster than us
But all the real music fans see through your B.S.
So take your notes and try to copy, we ain’t chippin’
You know we been up in the game for years like Pippen
So take your Soulja Boy, your Fergie and your Lohan
We want Nas, Jay-Z and Snoman
And yes – you will die a slow death
And M-O-G will be there, we will take your last breath
We gonna cover you with dirt and cover you in the bog
And swear no one will remember you like spiral the frog

And then the chorus gets repeated one more time. (If you really, really need to hear it, it’s streaming from the TechCrunch link above.) So yeah, the takeaway seems to be “SpiralFrog croaked, but we’re still around! (For now, anyway.)” I am by no means a battle rapper, so I will probably stay out of this particular spat, but I would like everyone to know that there are lots of songs out there that pretty well sum up my response to the whole kit and kaboodle that this site is trying to sell.

MOG Gets An Overhaul, Looks To Become Definitive Music News Portal [TechCrunch]

idolator
  • Anthony Miccio

    Y’all might have got bigger way mo’ faster than us
    But all the real music fans see through your B…yuss?

  • Maura Johnston

    @Anthony Miccio: your kyuss?

  • Lucas Jensen

    Is this a real thing that exists in my universe?

  • Lucas Jensen

    That might be a worse rap than this: [www.deuceofclubs.com]

  • janine

    Everybody knows that Eli Porter is the G.O.A.T.

  • removed from the loop

    I actually use to frequently post there, but yeah, this is horrible. I wonder how much influence Rick Rubin had in this.

  • MayhemintheHood

    @janine: Ha. That video never fails to make me laugh my ass off.

  • King of Pants

    Go, MOG employees, go!

  • Zombilina

    Oh, Maura, why so insecure?

  • Maura Johnston

    @Zombilina: i’m sorry, who are you?

  • Anonymous

    weaksauce???? Are you kidding – MOG is badass – so what if they only have 6 editors – isn’t that 5 more than you Idolator?

  • Maura Johnston

    @loudpiper: hello, mog employee!

  • Maura Johnston

    @loudpiper: and yes, it is five more than we have. congratulations on being able to do simple math. and yet! i don’t really have a business model that’s predicated on sucking up the content of a bunch of unpaid people to the site’s front page so i prosper.