“American Idol” Finale Causes Certain Corners Of The Internet To Go Nuts, Break Into Song

Much like fans of “Jate,” “Jam,” and all these people, there are certain denizens of the Internet who get chills when they think about “Kradam,” a.k.a. the pairing of American Idol contestants Kris Allen and Adam Lambert. And oh boy now that those two men are headed into battle in next week’s finale–and painting their nails in each other’s honor along the warpath!–the fan fiction fur is flying.


This Kris Allen & Adam Lambert community that I found on Livejournal had a lot of fanfiction involving the two finalists–who, do you know, are roommates in the Idol manse–but, you know, it was your typical florid stuff. Thankfully, there were a few other treats to distract me from sentences like “The two men explored and enjoyed one another thoroughly.” Like animated GIFs–


ohemgeeeee-2


–and speculation over whether the two were holding hands. But none of that compared to a song about the aforementioned nail-painting (in which Kris painted his thumbnail blue as an homage to Adam, while Adam left that nail blank) set to the tune of the previously Gokey-massacred “P.Y.T.”:

L.P.T. (Little Painted Thumb), A Duet By Adam Lambert and Kris Allen

Kris:
How Did You Paint Your Nails, Adam
And Ooh Won’t You Paint Me There
Right Away Won’t You Baby
Top Two, We’ve Got To Be
In Our Bathroom We Can Get It On
Don’t You Know Now
Is The Perfect Time
We Can Make It Right
Hit The Stage Lights
Then Tonight Ease The Lovin’ Pain
I’ll Let You Paint Me There

Adam:
I Want To Paint Your (L.P.T.)
Little Painted Thumb
You Need Some Paintin’ (B.K.P.)
Blue Kradam Paint
And I’ll Take You There
I Want To Paint Your (L.P.T.)
Little Painted Thumb
You Need Some Paintin’ (B.K.P.)
Blue Kradam Paint
I’ll Paint You There!

[Background]
Anywhere You Wanna Paint

Kris:
Nothin’ Can Stop This Burnin’
Desire To Be With You
Except For My Wife Katy
Won’t You Come, It’s an Emergency
Save Me From Gokey in Top 3
Honey, Come Set Me Free
Don’t You Know Now
Is The Perfect Time
Turn Down the Stage Lights
Just To Make It Right
In The Night
Hit The Lovin’ Spot
I’ll Give You All That I’ve Got

Adam:
I Want To Paint Your (L.P.T.)
Little Painted Thumb
You Need Some Paintin’ (B.K.P.)
Blue Kradam Paint
And I’ll Take You There
I Want To Paint Your (L.P.T.)
Little Painted Thumb
You Need Some Paintin’ (B.K.P.)
Blue Kradam Paint
I’ll Paint You There!



The line about getting it on in the bathroom is kind of a weird fit, meter-wise, and I think that “I’ll take you there” in the chorus could be swapped out with something more appropriate (take you where? to the nail place up the block?) but you have to admit that these lyrics are a lot better than the ones on, say, “This Is My Now.”


Kris Allen & Adam Lambert [Livejournal]

idolator
  • ObtuseIntolerant

    Um. Thanks again, internet, for reminding me I’m not all THAT crazy.

  • anibundel

    FanFiction writers frighten me. That is all.

  • ThreeGreen

    slashfiction writers comfort me. That is all.

  • saturn

    Stop! Just stop!

  • jonian2008

    Boy, that’s pretty disturbing. I’m sure they’re buddies right now, but come finale time, Adam is going to go for the Jason Mraz jugular.