Dear Lady GaGa: Sorry, But You Do “Look Like The Other Perfect Pop Singers”

May 27th, 2009 // 17 Comments

Look, I know that your whole schtick is that you’re “in on the joke” regarding the dubious honor that is “celebrity” in this degraded age–the videos featuring reality-show castoffs that leave recreations of the crash that killed Princess Diana on the cutting room floor, the palling around with the noxious-yet-known Perez Hilton, the whole thing, the extensive library of quotes about not wearing pants. But dressing up in bubbles, lipstick, and not much else for the freaking cover of Rolling Stone and then blathering about how you don’t look like a pop star? You’re just doing this to get peoples’ noses out of joint, aren’t you?

Because Lady, if you wanted to “not look like a pop star,” your “wild” photo shoot would have been styled with you wearing, I don’t know, a muumuu and curlers, or perhaps a burqa. Sure, you may be really good at covering up what you see as imperfections in your face with crazy glasses and bangs that run all the way down to your navel, but I have a newsflash for you: If you’re going to be all pants-free below the neck and talk about how you’re bisexual but only on a “physical level,” you’re totally buying in to what people expect from their pop stars nowadays. Sorry! Perhaps now that you know this you can try to, I don’t know, write a better hook? Or at least stop touring with the Pussycat Dolls, who you really aren’t all that different from, despite your art-school protests?

The New Issue of Rolling Stone: The Rise of Lady Gaga [RS]

idolator

  1. Ugh. I thought that The Strokes were the peak of entitled trust fund kids with musical aspirations, and then she came along.

    In another decade, she’d just be another face in the crowd following Warhol around.

  2. Right, we had to figure this cover would come out sooner or later. Some of her songs are catchy enough (although they’re nowhere close to ever being classics), but I think it’s her “proclamations” and “statements” that really turn me off, like what she claims “Poker Face” is about. I think Rich at Fourfour summed it up pretty well awhile back- it’s good to see her genre of music being embraced, but she’s really just a mash-up of Gwen, Madonna, Christina and countless others.

    Also, Ms. Germanotta- your clothes are not “edgy.” They’re “foolish.”

  3. I have to say, the #1 comment I hear from gay Lady GaGa fans: “I love her, but she’s so ugly!” Granted, gay audiences are complete and total beauty fascists. But when your core fanbase has been saying this about you for years, it probably warps your self-image.

  4. It’s true. She’s not like most pop stars. Most of them are easy on the eyes.

  5. @dyfl: See, I really don’t think she’s ugly. With normal makeup and hair, she looks like a marginally attractive girl, with some definite Italian features in there.

    Did people think that Madonna circa 1985 was all that gorgeous?

  6. Wow that’s a lot of pink. Which boomer band will RS overcompensate with on next issue’s cover?

  7. @clarknhilldaleredux: This comment FTW.

    Let’s start guessing now: Queen? (Newly “relevant” thanks to Idol/GLambert.) Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood? (A lock before summer ends, thanks to that tour kicking off.) Honorary Boomers Lenny Kravitz or the Wallflowers?

  8. Her songs have the gothic dance beat that all guidos in New York grew up on in the late ’80s and early ’90s: Freestyle. This girl is a Yonkers Eye-talian. It’s in her blood–despite her age. Listen to Noel’s “Silent Morning”…If she was ten or fifteen years older, she would have been called Gina G. or something and shamelessly belted out the same pap. That being said, I can’t help but enjoy “Poker Face”. Hey, Madonna thought she was artsy, too, before running with the pop title. I give GaGa one more album to see if she becomes another anonymous freestyle singer with a few hits. She can write.

  9. The scroll over title of the picture was good for a chuckle.

  10. Lady GaGa is an attention whore who doesn’t own any pants.

  11. Great take on this over-hyped “artist”.

  12. I could ignore her and move on but it’s upsetting when there are amazing female popsters that deserve more attention: Robyn, Annie, Little Jackie, that Rachel Stevens album from a few years ago, Lily Allen (yes, pretty successful but more deserving of true hits), The Knife (I know I’m dreaming). Wouldn’t it have been swell if Goldfrapp had had two consecutive US #1′s with OohLaLa and Number1? No, instead we get this “artist” (puke) attacking us with the crappiest (admittedly, hook laden) crap in a long while. Funny thing is Lady GooGoo Cluster made me actually appreciate a couple of the recent Britney singles – and I’m not a fan.

  13. GagaIsGagly

    Listen.
    Lady Gaga is simply UGLY !!!

    There.
    I’ve stated what everybody else has been
    thinking for years (and you know it’s true).

    She looks like that ugly little kid who was
    the star of that one show called ‘Blossom’.

    Why won’t they both just get a nose
    job and their jaw/chin fixed already?

    Just because they are rich does not
    mean that they also have a right to
    go around traumatizing society
    with their unattractive faces.

    How dare they?!?!

    Do society a favor and call
    a plastic surgeon already.

  14. NM

    Are u kidding, Madonna was absolutely gorgeous & sexy in the 80′s. Lady Gaga looks like a man or atleast a younger tranny version of Donatella Versace

  15. ICYNDICEY

    I’ve seen pictures of Madonna and her videos from that time period. That Like A Virgin video…WOW…So hot! NOW THAT’S A GIRL!

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