Dear Lady GaGa: Sorry, But You Do “Look Like The Other Perfect Pop Singers”
Look, I know that your whole schtick is that you’re “in on the joke” regarding the dubious honor that is “celebrity” in this degraded age–the videos featuring reality-show castoffs that leave recreations of the crash that killed Princess Diana on the cutting room floor, the palling around with the noxious-yet-known Perez Hilton, the whole thing, the extensive library of quotes about not wearing pants. But dressing up in bubbles, lipstick, and not much else for the freaking cover of Rolling Stone and then blathering about how you don’t look like a pop star? You’re just doing this to get peoples’ noses out of joint, aren’t you? Because Lady, if you wanted to “not look like a pop star,” your “wild” photo shoot would have been styled with you wearing, I don’t know, a muumuu and curlers, or perhaps a burqa. Sure, you may be really good at covering up what you see as imperfections in your face with crazy glasses and bangs that run all the way down to your navel, but I have a newsflash for you: If you’re going to be all pants-free below the neck and talk about how you’re bisexual but only on a “physical level,” you’re totally buying in to what people expect from their pop stars nowadays. Sorry! Perhaps now that you know this you can try to, I don’t know, write a better hook? Or at least stop touring with the Pussycat Dolls, who you really aren’t all that different from, despite your art-school protests?