No. 39: Aubrey O’Day Feat. Roscoe Umali, “Never Fallin’”

Oct 27th, 2009 // 17 Comments

A New Order-biting track from an ever-fameballing pop starlet that will make you get down on your knees and pray… that she decides to make a career change.





Former Danity Kane member Aubrey O’Day’s “Never Fallin’” first attracted attention from these quarters for its persecution-complex reworking of the chorus to New Order’s “Bizarre Love Triangle”, in which the falling in the chorus was observed by people who got down on their knees to… hate. (Isn’t that sort of thing better done standing up and looming over its target?) Yes, apparently even Jesus didn’t have it as bad as the Making The Band-spawned O’Day, despite her claims to reporters that she’s in on the joke most of the time.


“Never Fallin’” is little more than an excuse for O’Day to show off the way she behaves on ’80s Night at the local club, with her flailing about the hordes of people who live to despise her as a slightly pitched-up version of New Order’s iconic beat pulses behind her. There’s only one verse, but it certainly does a lot: Aubrey directly addresses her “haters” in six-ish lines that manage to work in a TMZ shout-out, a reference to her airbrushed-til-2054 Playboy spread, and a grasp of meter that’s so whacked-out, you start to wonder if she’s actually some sort of avant-garde poet, working in something called “iambic bimbometer.” This, in particular, is breathtaking:

“But hey if you really knew what went down
Saying that I-I-I get around
My 15 minutes
But you ain’t even had one whole minute
I have to get it off my chest
All real when it comes to my chest
You can ask Big Hef
This girl keeps it real”



For the record, her “haters” actually get about three minutes and 46 seconds. Sorry, Aub! Better luck next time?


Aubrey O’Day – Never Fallin’ (feat. Roscoe Umali) [YouTube]
Aubrey O’Day [Official site]
F2K: Idolator Counts Down The 50 Worst Songs Of The ’00s, One By Ear-Splitting One

  1. MhS

    Who is this Orianthi person?

  2. DJP

    what the hell is this

  3. holy jesus. stoked that i’m so out of touch that the only “new” radio i listen is college and country. i managed to miss all of these songs so far, save for “you’re beautiful,” of course. this one is the worst so far.

  4. Loverly trainwreck here JAYSUS. I love how she needs so long to explain who she is. “It’s me. Aubrey O’Day. Of Danity Kane? You know? I was on TMZ?”

  5. Orianthi is an Australian guitarist who was going to play with Michael Jackson until… well, you know.

  6. If you play this and that Hilary Duff track that sampled Personal Jesus back-to-back you can hear my record collecting crying.

  7. Via Scott Woods, here’s a much better use of “Bizarre Love Triangle,” from Nikki Awesome’s “You Say.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMyRV_AiK8o

  8. I wonder when New Order stopped being the cool synth pop band with all the hits and started being idiot twentysomething shorthand for”OMG THE 80S ROXXORED”

  9. Damn, TMZ-pop is like its own genre of terrible songs. Brooke Hogan’s “About Us,” Tila Tequila’s “I Love U”…there’s gotta be about twenty of these alone. (Best of these is probably Paris Hilton’s “Jealousy,” which is great.)

  10. If I was doing an “overrated songs of the 00′s” I’d probably stick in Britney’s “Piece of Me,” which is just as dumb but sounds better.

  11. MhS

    @janinedm: and wait don’t tell me… she’s got an album coming out!

  12. (Weird, I still like that Tila Tequila song because I keep thinking of it as an alternate version of the Natalie Portman rap.)

  13. Never Fallin’ > My Humps

    (though it probably doesn’t deserve it; the New Order sample at least keeps my ears from hurting as much as they otherwise would be)

  14. @Christopher R. Weingarten: I don’t think the transition has been completely made. There is still time to save ‘em!

  15. Damn, that’s as bad as it comes! Holy jesus… isn’t there a law against this or something?

    *Isn’t that sort of thing better done standing up and looming over its target?*

    *a grasp of meter that’s so whacked-out, you start to wonder if she’s actually some sort of avant-garde poet, working in something called “iambic bimbometer”*
    LOL
    I didn’t know many songs on the list before reading it – oh, those were the times… but at least the writing is great, to make up for the harrowing music…

  16. when this song first came on i laughed, and then i realized it was real. so sad.

  17. holy jesus. stoked that i’m so out of touch that the only “new” radio i listen is college and country. i managed to miss all of these songs so far, save for “you’re beautiful,” of course. this one is the worst so far.

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