The Onion Sorts Out The Least Essential Albums Of 2009

Thank goodness the Onion’s A.V. Club  susses out the least essential albums clogging the market each year. How else would consumers be warned of the perils of, say, Playlist: The Very Best Of Clay Aiken or Johnny Cash Remixed while out splurging during the busy fourth quarter shopping season?

Do you think a trivial thing like a recession is enough to deter holiday shoppers with a few extra nickels in their pockets from picking up Katy Perry’s Unplugged set? Hell, no! Bad taste will always transcend market forces.

Hop below to see the A.V. Club’s list of the Least Essential Albums Of 2009. (And tell Aunt Barb sitting at the table beside you to put her wallet back in her purse.)

Least essential remix album: grave-desecration division: Various Artists, Johnny Cash Remixed

Least essential peek behind the curtain: Katy Perry, Unplugged

Least essential comeback by the most obnoxiously awful and sort of Christian-y hard-rock band of the last 20 years: Creed, Full Circle

Least essential celebrity vanity album (and that’s really saying something): The Boxmasters, Modbilly

Least essential album of music that parents think is cool, dumbed-down for their kids: Various Artists, Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions Of Guns N’ Roses

Least essential album by a celebrity who doesn’t actually appear on it: Various Artists, Bill Cosby Presents The Cosnarati: State Of Emergency

Least essential act of generational grave robbery: Nat “King” Cole, Re:Generations

Least essential solo album by the least essential Red Hot Chili Pepper: John Frusciante, The Empyrean

Least essential cash-in on the overwhelming grief for a dead pop star (that wasn’t perpetrated by a member of that pop star’s family): Michael Jackson, The Remix Suite

Least essential greatest-hits collection that makes a mockery of the very notion of a greatest-hits collection: Clay Aiken, Playlist: The Very Best Of Clay Aiken

Least essential rap album by a stand-up comedian: Mike Epps, Funny Bidness: Da Album

Least essential entry in a long-running series that doesn’t feature the word “NOW” in the title: Voices: WWE The Music Vol. 9

Least essential album of 2009: Everclear, In A Different Light

  • CaroleH

    Have you actually listened to The Very Best of Clay Aiken? It is a beautiful album for people who like to hear real singing and definitely picks up the best of his five albums.

  • adam

    The Empyrean may not deserve a place on any “most essential of 09″ lists, but I can assure you that you won't want much to do with the next Post-John Frusciante RHCP album.

  • musicfan123

    And, of course, you have listened to all of these? You would not make the list unless you had, right?? Sometimes, what you surmise is not correct.

    I am not sure of the importance of this slam to many people. Why?? This is an unnecessary fluff that means nothing and is hurtful at the same time.

  • Snuffy

    Funny list. Dead-on choices!

  • who cares

    you people are so lame. i cant believe that you even give this shit a home on the internet. FUCK YOU

  • LOL

    wow are you a fucking idiot…. the red hot chili peppers wouldn't even be around without the genius of john frusciante… their music sucked before he joined the band and started becoming good once he did (the hit song under the bridge, the mother's milk and blood sugar sex magik cd), sucked once he left (one hot minute), and was good again when he came back (californication onwards). john>flea>anthony>chad. but they all rock.

  • Milky

    I love A/V club, except for whoever handles the music. More typical indie-rock snobbery here – get over yourselves already and write something meaningful, or at least funny. This is supposed to be a humor publication, no?

  • Binky

    I can't believe that so many people who lack a sense of humor even bother reading the onion. “And, of course, you've listened to all these…blah, blah”? Really? Everyone here needs to take themselves (and John Frusciante) a bit less seriously.

  • Too True

    couldn't have said it better.

  • americana

    Couldn’t disagree more about the essentialness of “The Empyrean.” Not a perfect album, but there’s a lot of great, original material on that record. The guitar solo on track 3 might be the best guitar solo of the year. Also- least essential member of the Chili Peppers? Their rhythm section is solid, but without Frusciante, that band will have nothing innovative anymore. Their melodies and guitars will suck, and all they’ll have is Anthony Keidis going “rip-rap-rock-a-ricki-ticki-ting-tang” in every song.