We’re all for artistic freedom, but honestly, you can’t just run around water-boarding people’s ears with this kind of nonsense. This is our new feature, Mad About Ads, in which we attempt to destroy the forces of musical evil by pulling them apart piece by piece.
I Can’t Believe It’s Megan Mullally: First off, we can’t believe they got rid of Fabio. We thought he was the face of the butter substitute, now and forever more. And W in TF is Megan Mullally doing here instead? Megs, you’re about to star in Karen: The Musical on Broadway! Yes, we know even Cachillionaire Ellen Degeneres does TV spots, but she doesn’t appear in ridiculous ads that butcher 70’s hits and her reputation at the same time. Megan, we’re sure you get Google Alerts of yourself. So when you read this, give us a call. Let’s have brunch and talk this all out over omelets. All is not yet lost.
I Can’t Believe It’s Tyce Diorio (that choreographer from So You Think You Can Dance): Tyce Diorio wrapped up his last stint on So You Think You Can Dance with a gorgeous rendition of Bye Bye Life” from All That Jazz, but now it may be time to say “Hasta La Vista, Credibility.” Who goes from SYTYCD to ICBINB unless they’re more interested in quick cash than lasting art? Tyce ought to be choreographing Lady Gaga videos, not producing weak breakdance/jazz routines in grocery stores. Just tell us, Tyce: who hired Megan Mullally’s back-flipping stunt double?
I Can’t Believe It’s Produced by Matthew Gerrard: Yes, the same songwriter who co-wrote Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway”, Hannah Montana‘s theme song “Best of Both Worlds”, and tunes from the High School Musical movie, produced “Turn The Tub Around”. How is that even possible? This song makes us want to buy ICBINB and then use it to fill our ear canals so that we may never accidentally hear it again. In the behind the scenes “Turn The Tub Around YouTube” video, Senior Brand Manager Barry Sands says that they wanted a very modern feel which is why they went with “Turn the Beat Around”. Yeah, going with a song that was last remade by Gloria Estefan over 12 years ago screams “modern”.
I Can’t Believe Those Are The Lyrics: Look, most ads are lame. That’s why we TiVo past them as if our sanity depended on it. But this kind of writing would make Don Draper actually jump out of his office window onto 5th Avenue just like the animated guy in the opening credits of Mad Men. Let’s have a look shall we?
Turn the tub around
Feel the admiration
This is so profound
Turn the tub around
Check each word and letter
How it does astound
Can’t believe it’s better
The admiration? Over margarine? Astound? Sure. Astounded by how preposterous these lyrics are.
I Can’t Believe This Is All In The Name Of Trans Fats: The amount of money poured into this ad campaign can only mean that ICBINB really took a beating when news broke that transfats are actually responsible for increasing instances of heart disease, global warming, and Britney’s decision to wear that dress to last night’s Grammys. The folks at I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter probably had a huge board meeting with lots of power point graphs that resembled giant pieces of toast that had been smeared with ICBINB and tried to come up with a solution. Annnnd this was it. We can’t believe it either.