‘American Idol’: Top 12 Girls
It’s that time of the season where American Idol finally becomes an interactive show—it’s up to you, America, to vote for your favorite singer and leave all the wannabes and copycats eating their dust. This Thursday we’ll lose two girls and two guys, and as far as the females are concerned, it’s a tough call.
Not because they were all so extremely talented, or because they blew our minds with their vocals skills—it’s because there were just too many disappointing performances to choose from in the girls Top 12. In fact, we think we’ve figured out why all the judges have insisted that a girl will win Season 9 of American Idol — they’re practicing reverse psychology. If our next Idol performed a song last night, well, we’re in big trouble. Catch the recap of all 12 performances below.
Paige Miles: “All Right Now” by Free. We can’t understand a word she’s saying, as she struggles to find the melody while still finding time to show off her power vocals. At least she’s confident.
Judge’s Thoughts: Simon thinks she has the best voice of the girls, but wouldn’t have picked that song. Kara disagrees—she likes the song. And Ryan Seacrest embarrasses Paige by making her admit that she’s sewn into her outfit and hasn’t been able to pee for five hours. The good part about going first is that she’s free to go relieve herself, but the bad news is that she set the bar awfully low, and 11 girls now have the chance to upstage her.
Ashley Rodriguez: Leona Lewis’s “Happy.” It’s nowhere near as good as Leona’s, and she goes flat. The song is much bigger than Ashley, and it’s overpowering her.
Judge’s Thoughts: Kara, Randy and Ellen admit it wasn’t that great, and they want her to do songs we wouldn’t expect her to sing. Simon has the guts to say it wasn’t original and that she’s going backwards: “I’m afraid you may be in trouble tonight after that.”
Janell Wheeler: Heart’s “What About Love.” We were so impressed with Janell’s “American Boy” cover during Hollywood Week, but the honeymoon is over: she’s shaky and flat, and we can sense that she’s drowning on national TV.
Judge’s Thoughts: They’re basically all indifferent. Simon’s bon mot: “You delivered 100% effort and delivered 65%.”
Lilly Scott: “Fixing A Hole” by The Beatles. Lilly whips out the guitar to perform a really oddball song (for this type of show), but she’s definitely interesting. She gives a memorable performance and displays a super-cute and likable coo while she sings.
Judge’s Thoughts: Ellen loves it and calls her voice distinctive. Simon likes it but doesn’t think she has star power — yet. Randy likes that she sounds like an indie artist who doesn’t care what other people think. We bet she cares what America thinks, since they’re responsible for putting her through.
Katelyn Epperly: “Oh! Darling” by The Beatles. Katelyn looks like she stepped out of 1984 with her bright red lipstick, pleather dress and giant head of perm-style hair. As far as the song goes, she’s a little whiny but sounds a lot like Joss Stone.
Judge’s Thoughts: Simon says he likes her despite that fact that she screamed parts of the song, adding that she “needs a lot of work.” Kara says Katelyn knows her voice and how to use it, but she doesn’t like the whorish red lipstick. (No, she didn’t use the word “whore,” but we could read it in the thought bubble over her head.) And what’s Katelyn’s response? Kara believes Katelyn is thinking she’s a big ol’ “bitch.” Is this the first time the word “bitch” was uttered on American Idol? Oh, Kara, think of the sponsors!
Haeley Vaughn: “I Want To Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles. (Three Beatles songs in a row? Really?) Haeley does a country variation of the version of this song from the Across the Universe soundtrack. She’s a bucket of sunshine, but she screams parts of the song. Not to mention, Haeley can’t hide her lisp while singing, and it’s distracting.
Judge’s Thoughts: Kara admits it was a technical mess, but likes that she has fun. Simon thinks it was “verging on terrible” and that the nonstop smiling bugged him. Well, she ain’t smiling now!
Lacey Brown: Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide.” She has a really unique (and slightly annoying) baby voice while singing. She sounds a bit like Martha Wainwright, actually.
Judge’s Thoughts: Randy thought it was the wrong song, pitchy and terrible. Ellen thinks she’s better than that, and Simon thought it was depressing and indulgent… but says she has nice eyes? Well, we guess she can always be an eye model if she gets voted off.
Michelle Delamor: She sings “Fallin'” by Alicia Keys, and we’re just happy she wasn’t the one to tackle a Leona Lewis song, since she looks like the third Lewis triplet (along with the girl in the new Kanye West video.) She’s not as good as Alicia, but you can tell she tried to switch it up a bit — unfortunately, it’s still not enough to make it anything more than a carbon copy. Well, minus a piano.
Judge’s Thoughts: Ellen thinks it’s fantastic, but safe. Simon is perturbed that the performance didn’t make him go “wow,” but he thinks she looks fantastic. (Since when did Simon become the style judge in Posh’s absence?) Randy describes Michelle by using the terms “hot and dope and cool,” and we wonder why someone hasn’t anonymously placed a theasarus on his seat after nine seasons of the exact same critiques.
Didi Benami: Ingrid Michaelson’s “The Way I Am.” Didi has the most professional voice in the bunch, and was smart enough not to look directly at Simon when she sang the lyric “I’ll buy you Rogaine” like some other (unlucky) contestants have on this show.
Judge’s Thoughts: Even without his hairline being suspect, Simon remains dour. He’s mad that everyone wants to sound like Adele and Duffy, and he calls Didi’s take on it “dreary.” Kara appreciates that she made changes to the original recording, while wordsmith Randy wants an “outward oomph” from her. Ellen thinks it would have worked better if this were one song out of a bunch, but doesn’t work as a first impression.
Siobhan Magnus: Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game.” Siobhan officially has the coolest day job of any competitor on the show — she’s a glassblowing apprentice. Simon called her a “dark horse” in the pre-performance clip, and we think he’s right. Siobhan wisely avoids coming off as a copycat by singing a song originally recorded by a (damn sexy) man, and she pulls out an impressive performance. She has total control over her vocals, too.
Judge’s Thoughts: Kara thought it was a bit nasal, but felt a connection. Ellen says, “I forgot we were at a singing competition and I thought I was just being entertained.” Simon calls her “a funny little thing.” All of them like her, but none of the judges can stop talking about the Stevie Wonder song she sang during Hollywood Week. Let it go, guys, that was so last week.
Crystal Bowerox: Alanis Morisette’s “Hand In My Pocket.” Crystal plays the guitar and harmonica (hey, it worked for Taylor Hicks!). She’s confident, and shows off her musicianship. We think she sounds a bit too much like Alanis, though.
Judge’s Thoughts: Simon gives her the truth: “There are thousands of you doing this outside Subway stations right now” and tells her doing an Alanis Morissette song is a “sound-alike.” He suggests a David Bowie song, and Crystal agrees that would be fun. “Let’s Dance” next week?
Katie Stevens: Michael Bublé’s version of “Feeling Good.” Adam Lambert did the Muse version of this song last season, and we could listen to that performance on repeat. Katie’s take? Despite getting the Almighty Pimp Slot at the end of the show, she sounds off-key, and prances around the stage like she’s competing in a high school talent show.
Judge’s Thoughts: Ellen and Simon thought she sounded way too old, and Kara is concerned Katie couldn’t hear herself sing, since she was uncharacteristically pitchy.
Best of the Night: Siobhan Magnus, for surprising all of us with an unpredictable and powerful take on Chris Isaak’s super sexy song. (And for seriously having the most bizarre occupation of the bunch.)
Worst of the Night: Janell Wheeler needs to do a whole lot more to gain our support back.
Best Quote of the Night: “If it was a mess, it was a hot mess,” said Ellen of Haeley Vaughn’s country-western take on The Beatles’ “I Want To Hold Your Hand.” We know Ellen is trying to put a positive spin on a painfully accurate critique, but does Ellen know what “hot mess” means? It’s not exactly a compliment. But Haeley is probably too young to know that.
Putting the female Idols’ social networking statistics into perspective, it’s interesting to see that the contestants who are the most popular on the web didn’t necessarily hit it big with the judges last night. (For the record, Katie Stevens is only second to Didi Benami in the scramble for Twitter followers, but her performance of “Feeling Good” fell flat.) Did their legions of followers get off the computer long enough to pick up a phone and save them from elimination? Or did they hear their favorites’ unimpressive performances and quickly de-friend them forever? We’ll find out on Thursday.
