Idolator’s Glee-cap: We Say “Hello Again” To ‘Glee’

Erika Brooks Adickman | April 14, 2010 10:01 am

For our first Glee-cap for Glee’s firstepisode of 2010, we’d like to take a “New Direction” with our breakdown (or a mash-up, if you will) of last night’s return episode. Of course, we’ll cover slushies to scheming Sue Sylvester; basketball to break-ups; oldies to McKinley’s Old Maids’ Club; but with our own special rendition. Relive the entire “Hell-O” episode as “Hellos” and “Goodbyes” after the jump.

First the “Hellos” of “Hell-O”:

Hello Slushies: Even after winning Sectionals, the glee kids can’t catch a break.

Hell-o Sue Sylvester: Just when we thought it was safe to go back in the water, she’s back from suspension (thanks to blackmailing Principal Figgins) and she’s more evil than ever. That’s what spending time in Boca can do to someone under the age of 65.

Hello Stakes: It turns out that if New Directions doesn’t place in Regionals, they’re kaput. Thanks again, Sue!

Hello, Glee Gimmickry: Hey writers, It’s fine if you want to have a themed episode (and mega stunt casting), but stop making the weaving together of songs look and feel like the work it probably is. Hello Again, Jerk Puck: We know Puck isn’t the brightest light, but we find it hard to believe that he wouldn’t know the difference between Quinn getting “super sized” and gaining baby weight. Has he never seen a cover of Us Weekly?

Hello Basketball Season: Apparently, Finn’s a basketball star. Who knew?

Hello “Hello, I Love You”: Finn fancies himself the Lizard King and serenades every girl (in Glee fantasy world or Glee real life?) with his take on The Doors’ hit—every girl except Rachel that is.

Hello Glee-some?: Santana and Brittany ask Finn out on a date–together. But at dinner they only promised to make out with each other, phew.  For a second there we thought Glee was turning into Gossip Girl. Hello “Gives You Hell”: We only wish there could have been a glee class at our high school that allowed us to sing what we were feeling emotionally directly to guys who dumped us. Regardless of how great Rachel’s rendition of the All-American Rejects’ song, it didn’t quite fit the criteria of Mr. Schu was looking for.

Hello Jesse St. James: Rachel Berry’s new love interest Jesse St. James (Jonathan Groff) is cute and as glee-obsessed as she is, albeit for a rival team. He’s a hunk that’s got a So what if he’s just a seat warmer for Finn. Hello “Hello”: Sure, we get how “On The Rebound” Rachel could fall hard and fast for her glee idol (and rival) Jesse St. James right in the middle of a music library, but it’s impossible to take anything seriously when they’re singing  Lionel Richie’s “Hello”.  But perhaps that has less to do with the performance song (complete with an awaiting string quartet) and more to do with the fact that every time we hear “Hello” all we can picture is Lionel falling for that blind college student who then makes a bust of his head in her sculpting class.

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Hello Breadstix—The Comedy Club?: What do they put in the water at this Italian restaurant that makes everyone and everything beyond hilarious. Brittany (Heather Morris) was the star of this scene. Her delivery of lines like “Did you know that Dolphins are just gay sharks?” was sheer comedic perfection.

“There was a mouse in mine.”

Hello “Hello Again”: Mr. Schu’s assignment is just so incredible, that it even inspires him to find songs that have “Hello” in the title(note the sarcasm). So while Finn’s on a date that’s all kinds of wrong with Santana and Brittany, Schu’s finally trying to get things right with his new lady. So he busts out some Neil Diamond to romance Emma.

Hello “Highway To Hell”: We’re not sure what kind of school Carmel High is that allows it’s students to perform an AC/DC song.  Probably the same kind of school that has the money for glee club pyrotechnics and a supervisor that encourages kids to drink Red Bull.

Hello Idinia Menzel: Idinia plays Vocal Adrenaline’s fiery and sultry head coach, Shelby Corcoran. (Did anyone else see her and think she’s Rachel in ten years?)

Hello Old Maids’ Club: You’ve got to give Sue credit, she really knows how to find her opponents’ weaknesses. Compiling a group of mustached girls with hormonal problems into a circle telling their sob story was the perfect way to push Rachel into the arms of Jesse. But if Rachel really believes that she has to settle for what she can get at 17, she’s in for a long lonely Cathy comic strip kind of life.

Hello Rachel, The Liar: She’s right. It was almost impossible to ignore her high maintenance because of her (sometimes blunt) honesty. But now that Rachel’s keeping a secret of her and Jesse from not only New Directions, but from Finn, it’s hard to give her a slide on her other personality “quirks”.

Hello “Hello Goodbye”: After being teased for what feels like ages, to finally see it performed by New Directions was incredibly satisfying. While it wasn’t the kind of song and dance we’ve seen with numbers like “Walking On Sunshine” and “Don’t Rain On My Parade”, it was solid and Glee‘s way of letting us know that we’re in for some great musical surprises for the second half of this season.

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Now The Goodbyes:

Goodbye Forced Dialog: We’d like to say see ya to the forced dialog in future episodes. We’re mainly talking about Finn’s interaction with Mr. Schu about finding his “inner-rock star”. The whole “Oh, that’s why the band’s here.” And well, I guess I’ll sing “Hello, I Love You” since that’s a Jim Morrison song and I think he’s pretty cool. That dialog was about as believable as the idea that Rachel still wears a training bra. Goodbye Terri: No really, can we say goodbye yet? The she-devil dropped by her old place in to pick up her “Bruckheimer DVDs” (we could totally see Terri being a huge fan of Armageddon) and to ruffle Emma’s feathers—err—place settings.

Goodbye Standards: What high school allows dancing like Vocal Adrenaline’s in their school’s shows?

Goodbye Jesse St. James: Ugh! What is it about the names Jesse and James together that just spell bad news for women? It turns out New Directions was right, the Vocal Adrenaline star is just after her for sabotage.

Goodbye Sweet, Lovable Mr Schu: We all felt bad when his wife was crazy fake-baby lady. But after his roll on his couch with Shelby (the same couch he tried to “bake some crescent rolls” with Ms. Pillsbury), now who’s the jerkface?

Goodbye Will and Emma (For Now): Emma pushes Will to have some alone time to get to know himself (the guy can’t seem to take his own advice). Any chance Mr. Schu’s “alone time” include Shelby?

Goodbye Finn and Rachel (For Now): Oh Finn, if only it hadn’t taken an entire episode to realize that what that your “inner-rock star” wanted was to be the Sonny to Rachel’s Cher, then they wouldn’t be in this musical mess.

Aloha (that’s hello and goodbye in Hawaiian) until next time. We’re off to strike a pose.

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