7 Pop Stars Who Won’t Be Attending Opening Night Of The ‘South Park’ Broadway Musical

Let us be the first to give our regards to Broadway, because after the South Park musical, The Book Of Mormon, which debuts in March 2011, the Great White Way will be full of blue humor. Based on the show’s history with the religious institution, we doubt any devote members of the Church Of Latter-Day Saints will be lining up for orchestra seats. And they’re not the only ones South Park has satirized (sometimes beyond all recognition) over its last 200 episodes—we have a feeling some of our most beloved pop stars will just happen to have “other plans” on opening night.

After the jump, check out which old goat, half-face singer, and gay fish are among the artists that won’t be waiting at the stage door with a bouquet of roses for Matt and Trey.

Stevie Nicks – Trey and Matt portrayed her as a goat. Ouch!

R. Kelly – R. Kelly’s “Trapped In A Closet” was used to try and help John Travolta and Tom Cruise get out of a closet. No big deal, except that Kelly keeps threatening to shoot everyone. Yeah, we’re pretty sure he’ll wait until The Book Of Mormon is made into a movie.

Jennifer Lopez – This episode is from 2003 (way back in her “Bennifer” days). Trey and Matt pit her against another J.Lo (aka Cartman’s hand), and for at least six months, the name J.Lo was synonymous with the phrase, “Taco flavored kisses for my Ben”.

Michael Jackson – Yes, we know the King Of Pop’s untimely departure would keep him from attending anyway, but we’re sure that the “Mr. Jefferson” episode is enough to make MJ return from the grave just to snub the show anyway.

Britney Spears – This episode, in which Britney shoots herself in the face and lives to record another album, is not so much “funny ha-ha” as it is “funny this-could-have-happened-in-real-life.”

Kanye West – If Kanye doesn’t understand why he’s a “gay fish”, he probably won’t understand the musical.

P. Diddy – We’ve got a hunch that this South Park episode is the reason Diddy’s “Vote Or Die” campaign didn’t return for the 2008 election.