The Top 10 Worst Lyrics On ‘Bionic’

Jun 8th, 2010 // 50 Comments

There are a lot of things we really love about Bionic, Christina Aguilera’s libidinous electro-pop project that drops in stores today—the vibrant CD booklet artwork is exquisitely photographed, the album’s ballads are some of the most beautiful songs Christina has ever recorded, and a few of the dance tracks are sure to be club hits.

However, we have very, very little love for many of the album’s lyrics, which fall somewhere between tacky, tasteless and just plain lazy. Below, we pick Bionic‘s Top 10 Worst Lyrics—and believe us, it was hard to narrow it down to just ten terrible lines.

THE TOP 10 WORST LYRICS IN BIONIC

10. “The old me’s gone, I feel brand new / And if you don’t like it, fuck you.” – “Not Myself Tonight”

It’s not very clever just to shout out vulgarities at people who don’t appreciate you. We have a feeling bluntly telling people to eff-off isn’t winning any of your haters over. (Also, the only person to remain charming while saying “fuck you” in a song was Lily Allen.)

9. “Strawberry cream is like a dream, my fantasy is reality / When the morning comes, I know that I will, too.” – “Sex for Breakfast”

These lyrics in this song, which comes off like a Mariah Carey/Robin Thicke throwaway B-side, just make us roll our eyes—and what does strawberry cream have to do with anything? Because you’re talking about breakfast? Does anyone eat strawberry cream by itself? Why not just throw in a Cap’n Crunch rhyme? Or Leggo my Eggo? Also, that orgasm wink is as subtle as Bionic gets.

8. “Hit up prince charming, tell him give me a call / Never mind, screw him / Cause I found somebody better / Never mind, screw him / I make myself so much wetter.” – “Vanity”

Another crude rhyme included just to shock people. We feel like we’re listening to the musical version of a Hustler magazine.

7. “Boys suck, make me sick / Inflated egos, little dicks / Use them up, spit ‘em out / I hate boys!” – “I Hate Boys”

Gotta wonder how her husband Jordan and son Max feel about this particular male-bashing song.

6. “You talkin’ out your ass like a wobblehead, you bobblehead.” – “Bobblehead”

The hook of this track from the deluxe version of Bionic is on a whole new level of irritating—it’s as though Christina sampled Charlie Brown’s teacher with his repetition of “wah-wah-wah”. But there is no such thing as a “wobblehead”, and when you resort to making up words Dr. Seuss-style, it’s a pretty clear indication you’re being a lazy lyricist.

Picture 1

5. “All the boys think it’s cake when they taste my (woohoo)/ You don’t even need a plate, just your face, ha (woohoo)/ Licky, licky, yum yum (woohoo)” – “Woo Hoo”

Christina is definitely not the first artist to pen a song about the joys of oral sex. But in an album already overflowing with horniness, not one track tackles sexuality in a fresh or clever way, instead resorting to lewd, uninspired lyrics.

4. “Thank you Mom and Daddy, cause I turn myself on.” – “Vanity”

Thanking your parents for making you hot is just plain icky.

3. “And now I take myself to be my lawfully wedded bitch.” – “Vanity”

Ah, “Vanity”, the song that keeps giving! Xtina marries herself in this stuffy, overproduced track—yes, really. We have a feeling that wedding would turn out about as classy as Christina’s infamous VMA performance with Britney and Madonna. (Except Christina would get more face-sucking time, and a lot more attention.)

2. “They’re only good for fruit, I mean bananas / Them boys so nuts, they’re drivin’ me bananas.” – “I Hate Boys”

What’s worse than making up a word to rhyme it with another word you can’t rhyme? Forgoing any sort of creativity whatsoever and just using the same word twice.

1. “A rubber band was an analogy / You could even say it’s a metaphor.” – “Elastic Love”

We’ve previously stated that “Elastic Love” is the best song on Bionic, so you know the lyric in question had to be absolutely terrible to wind up #1 on our list. Yes, Christina, we understood that your love was not, in fact, a rubber band, or any of the other office supplies mentioned in this song. You don’t need to literally spell it out for us. This lyric is the definition of space filler.

Are you enjoying Bionic despite these mind-numbingly awful lyrics? Did we miss any? Do you Xtina stans hate us for saying anything negative about your diva’s latest musical offering? Should we do a Top 10 of Lady Gaga’s worst lyrics to level the playing field? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

idolator

  1. Nonplussed

    Do you know?
    I’m actually rather shocked.

  2. Mel

    To answer the last question, YES, you should include a Gaga, Katy, Ke$ha etc..list. They have equally, if not worse lyrics. Just sayin, fair is fair, I do think the staff writers tend to be a bit harsher with Christina. But, you do make some good points. Some of Bionic’s lyrics are really kind of painful. Still, the positives out weigh the negatives, songs like- Desnudate, Glam, Elastic Love, I am, and Lift Me Up, are worth the purchase.

  3. Your #1 pick was spot on! I love that song, but that one lyric throws me off every time.

    As for a Lady Gaga list, there are so many [bad] lyrics to choose from and it would definitely spur some interesting comments. Don’t get me wrong, I love LG, but she, too, has some baddy bads.

  4. Brian

    Gaga writes her own lyrics, and none of them are this bad at all “Mel”

  5. cwize

    Christina is held to a higher standard, because unlike some of her “peers” (Britney especially, Jessica Simpson, now Gaga), she can really sing, and everyone had high hopes for her maturing into a bona fide superstar. Her lyrics and her videos will keep her in the “trashy eye candy tramp” category, however. It’s too bad. She’s got awesome pipes.
    Hey, Xtina – SING. It’s all you really need to do.

  6. MAIM

    You would need a top 100 to get all the horrible lyrics from Gaga, her songs don’t have any sense. And yes, this album is very sexual, it can get annoying some times.

    • Her songs don’t have any sense? Songs can’t possess anything, MAIM, so it’s ironic you’d attack a successful songwriter’s songs for supposedly not making sense.

      What song of GaGa’s doesn’t make sense? Or are you just being a hater?

  7. Marcelo

    Gaga’s songs are bad? How the heck did she start her career WRITING hits for biggest popstars? How the heck are all of her singles top 10 at the worldwide charts? How the heck does she get Madonna, Elton John, Sting, Bruce Springsteen, Britney Spears and many others talking amazing stuff about her work? I WONDER.

  8. STOPIT

    Why are ya’ll taking these lyrics so seriously, Its obvious they are just playing. Is there nothing else going on?

  9. Moises

    ahahaha awful CD

  10. X.

    I am torn on your #1 worst – I mean it’s SO ridiculous to spell it out that way that it kind of amuses me.

    I’d definitely have to pick something from “Vanity” as the #1 worst, but you could do a whole top 10 just with bad lines from that one.

    Glad you pointed out the worst bits of “I Hate Boys” and “Sex for Breakfast.” (Is she saying she hates ALL men because they ALL have little dicks? Whose dicks is she comparing them to then? Horses? Elephants? Giraffes?)

    I’d probably go with “wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah” or “like, whaaaaaaat? like, like, whaaaat? i don’t get it! like, whaaaat? whaaaaat? reeeeallyyyyyy??” as the worst of “Bobblehead.” (The totally random Nightmare on Elm Street shout out throws me too.)

    The interludes are pretty pointless/stupid too.

    HOWEVER – the fact that this album can warrant this much interest and discussion rather than having us easily dismiss it as bland and bad DOES say something for Xtina. As well as the fact that I keep listening to “Vanity” and “Bobblehead” with equal parts disbelief and ashamed enjoyment.

  11. Dabk

    It pains me how awful this CD is. What the hell happened to Christina Aguilera? Did she forget that her voice makes her insanely talented? Instead of singing “Beautiful”-esque songs, she sings this slutty trashy pop garbage to try to shock people. Its exactly what Gaga does(who is also very talented vocally) I’ve always liked Christina for her voice(and i’m a straight guy lol) but this is just too over the top and the lyrics are trite and just gross. Not your best effort Christina.

  12. it’s awful, to my surprises. Christina is held to a higher standard, because unlike some of her “peers” (Britney especially, Jessica Simpson, now Gaga), she can really sing, and everyone had high hopes for her maturing into a bona fide superstar. Her lyrics and her videos will keep her in the “trashy eye candy tramp” category, however. It’s too bad. She’s got awesome pipes. for more at http://www.1bag1.com

  13. Irony

    Don’t most pop songs these days have trite lyrics and cringe-inducing puns? One Ke$ha song wipes the floor with the entire “Bionic” album when it comes to bad lyrics. Lil Wayne is the absolute WORST when to making bad sexual puns. Example: lyrics from “Lollipop”

    “I get her on top she drop it like its hot
    And when im at the bottom she Hilary Rodham
    In the middle of the bed give and gettin head
    Give and gettin head, give and gettin head”

    More embarrassing to listen to than “Woo-Hoo”. And I’m not defending Christina’s bad lyrics at all, I’m just pointing out that there’s worse out there. FAR worse.

  14. Tim

    I haven’t listened to the album or anything so I really can’t make a firm judgment on Bionic, but does anyone notice she’s going in a different direction from previous work that’s really similar to say… everyone who’s currently popular at the moment (Gaga, Rihanna, Katy Perry)? Just throwin that out there.

  15. Javier

    Maybe you need to re-read what the other comment and the review are saying. They are not saying that Lady Gaga’s song writing sucks. Far from it, she does a great job and I am a huge fan of hers. What the review and others are saying is that Lady Gaga uses as much sexual innuendo as all other artists. Let’s face it, SEX sells in ALL aspects of society.

  16. Amanda

    She’s trying to stay relevant and shocking and new by being overly sexual. Can you say, tries too hard?

  17. Feral

    Exactly to all you’ve said!

  18. I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds “Vanity” so inexplicably catchy in spite of its lyrics being a train wreck of words. Hell, the lyrics are so trashy and absurd, I think of it less as a remotely sincere statement and some sort of campy, parodic act by a drag queen.

  19. T1NA

    Well, coming off the heels of Lady Gaga, I would say that xtina has COPIED her and, at the same time is COUNTER-ATTACKING Lady Gaga, while trying to re-claim her own …status before her super-extended hiatus. We know she has the money to afford staying away, BUT… someone should tell xtina or whomever else decides to do “disappear” that “Nobody should ever take that much time off! Someone better, slicker, sexier with a certain shock factor will ALWAYS swoop in…and Lady Gaga is now getting the attention xtina or whomever else once had”. It happened to Whitney, to Britney, to Madonna… even Kylie and Anastacia (but they were nothing like the first three SUPERSTARS and it was for a different reason). Still, this is the internet age and … people get bored faster. Mariah Carey is in a category of her own and has lasting power. Actually, so does Madonna, because when she comes back, it will be Lady Gaga WHO?

  20. T1NA

    Further to my comment: MADONNA is the ORIGINAL Pop Music STAR. Each and every other pop star has blatantly copied from Madonna in one way or another. That is why Madonna is THE ONE and ONLY undisputable QUEEN OF POP.-

  21. Karen

    Why does everyone have a go at Christina?

    I went to iTunes and picked out one Lady Gaga song just to see what I found, since I was so swayed that she was a lyrical genius.

    What did I find?
    “Oh, ho, Christmas / My Christmas tree’s delicious
    Yes everybody knows
    We will take off our clothes”

    Song: “Christmas Tree” — Lady Gaga

  22. lena

    “A rubber band was an analogy / You could even say it’s a metaphor”
    Always makes me laugh, as well as “Elastic love, some kind of spastic love”

  23. gen

    “Vanity” is hilarious.

  24. M

    Because she’s a bitch. Plain and simple. People wouldn’t dig at her if her attitude towards others weren’t bad. I’ve heard so many celebrities talk about how mean and nasty she was.

  25. Dar

    Omg I want a list for Lady Gaga now. I love the bitch and her music, but some of her lyrics are just sooo funny and stupid.
    And then she has songs like Speechless, Dance in the Dark, and her old songs and then I’m like ‘Oh, so she CAN write good lyrics’

  26. jean

    Okay, this is sort of off-topic but how does Lady Gaga go from something like this…

    “We are a generation, twisted by a myth.
    Confused and ludicrous.
    Holding onto love.
    Consumed by all the pleasures in out midst.
    A life with all the lips weve kissed.
    And losing all control.
    Were gonna start a resistance.
    We want independence.
    Were gonna give the world some of this.”

    To this…
    “I won’t tell you that I love you, just to hug you
    Cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin
    I’m not lying I’m just stunnin’ with my love-glue-gunning.”

    o.0

  27. krystal

    She has her fun stupid lyrics and she has her serious, meaningful, beautiful lyrics. Every pop star does.

  28. bender

    I’m 99% sure that if you break down ANY pop song released within the past ten years, the lyrics will all be just as ridiculous.

    Well, maybe not ANY song, but most of them.

  29. bender

    I really love Vanity and Bobblehead though.

  30. Mil

    1, 2, 3
    Not only you and me
    Got one eighty degrees
    And I’m caught in between
    Countin’
    1, 2, 3
    Peter, Paul & Mary
    Gettin’ down with 3P

    Gimme Gimme More, Gimme More Gimme Gimme More…and repeat 100 times

    Womanizer, womanizer, oh womanizer, oh your a womanizer, womanizer, womanizer…and repeat 100 times.

    Mm-hmm, soda pop, watch it fizz and pop
    The clock is tickin’ and we can’t stop (can’t stop now)
    Mm-hmm soda pop, bop, shu-bop
    The clock is tickin and we can’t stop

    With this fast car
    I can really get far
    And don’t brake my heart
    Let’s make out (let’s make out!let’s make out!)
    mmm Papa love you
    mmm Papa love you

    You’re fillin me up
    You’re fillin me up
    You’re fillin me up
    You’re fillin me up
    You’re fillin me up
    You’re fillin me up with your love

    see…everyone has bad lyrics :)

  31. angelica

    I agree with #1 SFM. I hate that line. It ruins the entire song for me, it’s so dumb.

  32. shaniqua

    britney’s oral jam (breathe on me) and self-love anthem (the touch of my hand) are sultry and subtle; “the small of my back/the arch of my feet/lately i’ve been noticing the beautiful me.” yet again, britney trumps christina.

  33. Chris

    YOU’RE SO PATHETIC THAT YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO PUBLISH THIS….IF YOU HATED THESE LYRICS ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT THEM, IT IS EMBARRASINGLY EVIDENT THAT YOU LIKE THEM ENOUGH TO TAKE YOUR TIME TO WRITE ABOUT THEM….I LOVE THEM OBVIOUSLY, SO THAT’S WHY I’M TAKING THE TIME TO DISCUSS THIS PITIFULL BLOG :-)

  34. Julio

    Wow I can’t believe people are
    making such a big fuzz about the writting. Come on people
    you can’t take it seriously. It’s obvious she is
    trying to be silly and fun with it. I think she wanted
    to give us a fun dance album for
    the summer. Who cares if the lyrics makes no sense.
    I think people are just picking on her. You got embra
    the album with an open mind, have fun and not take it to seriously !! That’s
    my opinion.

  35. Julio

    I agree :) I heart Christina !!

  36. ylad

    a song can be a hit even if it has senseless lyrics. stupid

  37. bvz

    lol, yes every artist has examples of bad lyrics, but bionic has such a large collection of horrible lyrics that even big fans recognize it.

  38. I just stopped by to promote Jasinta Campbell whom is Australia’s Miss Universe for 2010

  39. Little monster

    How dare someone insult Lady Gaga’s lyrics?! She worked really hard on them!
    Where are my keys I’ve lost my phone
    Alejandro Alejandro alealejandroooo
    that boy is a monster momomomonster
    I love this record baby but I can’t see straight anymore
    popopopokerfave popo f*ck her face
    sorry I can not hear you I’m kinda busy
    what’s the name of this club
    what what did you say aw you’re breaking up on me

  40. XadaX

    Idolator is definitely a Delusional Monster. Ignorant as always, didn’t Xtina said that this album was a bit childish – nothing serious. Yes, we need not only 10 but a 100 worst lyrics from Lady Gaga especially her Telephone – an abusurd song. This is pretty BIASED! BIASED I SAY! You have just lost your credibility as a reviewer. Tsk tsk tsk totally disappointed. A hater. WHY ONLY XTINA. MAKE SOMETHING ELSE IDOLHATER – a trying hard PEREZHILTON BLOG – you should also doodle on the pictures.

    “They’re only good for fruit, I mean bananas / Them boys so nuts, they’re drivin’ me bananas.” – “I Hate Boys”
    What’s worse than making up a word to rhyme it with another word you can’t rhyme? Forgoing any sort of creativity whatsoever and just using the same word twice.

    There’s worse:

    “& I cannot text you with a drink in my hand EH” – “Telephone”
    What’s worse than making up a word to rhyme it with another word you can’t rhyme? By making a new stupid word that has no meaning.

  41. Lopez

    This is stupid, all the other pop bitches have worst lyrics.

  42. #6 is my favorite / the worst one

  43. Josh

    Gaga can sing too. Why are xtina fans always so defensive about her. You make me wanna puke. As for Xtina and Gaga they both have beautiful and very different voices.

  44. Xadax

    @Josh BTW Gaga sings bad – a mediocre.

  45. OH MY GOD!
    I love this album and I know there are lyrics that don’t mean a thing, but what about the most beautiful songs in the album, Lift Me Up (Amazing rendition at the Hope For Haiti Now campaing), You Lost Me, Stronger Than Ever, I Am…
    You people don’t know what you’re saying when you bad talk Christina, still the biggest Pop Star behind Madonna!
    And yes, the Not Myself Tonight video has “copied” songs from Madonna, but have you listened to the new GREAT single by Gaga??
    It’s beautiful, but Express Yourself sounds awfully the same…
    Bionic is a fantastic album, not as “Christina-ish”, but it’s still her, her voice is beautiful, and no, I DON’T GIVE A S*** that she failed her national anthem, because I’m PORTUGUESE :D

  46. cashmere blanket

    You know thus significantly on the subject of this matter, produced me in my opinion consider it from numerous numerous angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be fascinated until it is something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. Always maintain it up!

  47. anonymous

    Most people have better things to do with their time than listen to an album but the song that gets to me most is “bobblehead”. I’m sure, millions of other people hate “bobblehead”. It’s just too mean,slanderizing probably not even true because people can see for themselves you don’t need to tell people someone’s a “bobblehead” if it’s really true they can see for themselves. Not saying it’s the worst thing to be a “bobblehead” anyway. I want to be a “bobblehead”. The song even makes Christina look like a lesbian which is just stupid and gross.

  48. anonymous

    Millions of other people hate bobblehead. Even the junkies. Bobblehead is the demise of the stupid, lesbian Christina Aguilera.

  49. Criss Vellen

    What the love are you complaining, guys!!! First of all, don’t bring together Gaga and Xtina!! they are so different. They are like two lines, that are never going to cross. And even that, Gaga REALLY CAN sing. Xtina too. They watch each other, learn things from each other. And I love the Bionic album. Just because it doesn’t soung Christina-ish, doesn’t mean that it is not her. I know some of the lyrics don’t make any sence, but she is just playing with making songs- dont blame her.

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