First here’s the new version of Bieber’s “U Smile,” as rendered by Nick Pittsinger:
And now for the six jams we’d like Nick to hop on, pronto. (Note: we used an extremely scientific, top secret method to suss out the best tracks that would work in this form. Alas, revealing said method would bring about the Biebpocalypse—and we simply don’t want that.)
1. Lady Gaga, “Alejandro”
Not only would it sound heavenly at a just-over-half-hour length, we’d also be able to more easily pinpoint all the other songs Gaga “borrowed” from to craft this hit.
2. Taio Cruz, “Dynamite”
We have a sneaking suspicion Taio holds the key to the universe already. This would just provide audio proof.
3. Debbie Gibson, “Foolish Beat”
Debbie is a religion. Don’t believe us? Then watch this—and worship!
4. Cut Copy, “Hearts On Fire”
While the above version of Bieber’s “U Smile” may now be able to score a full movie, we suspect this one could soundtrack the entire original Star Wars trilogy.
5. Sir Mix-A-Lot, “Baby Got Back”
This way Baby would have so much back she’d be in front of herself.
6. Kylie Minogue, “Slow”