Fantasia On Her Suicide Attempt: “I Just Wanted Out”

Less than a week after being released from the hospital following her shocking suicide attempt, Fantasia Barrino is publicly discussing what made her resort to such tragic actions. “I knew exactly what I was doing,” the American Idol winner says in a new interview with VH1’s Behind The Music, airing this Tuesday (the same day her new album, Back to Me, drops). “I just wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace.” More quotes below:

“I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out,” Fantasia explains. “At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with—all of it, all of that [expletive].”

“I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle,” she continues. “I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills… I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family—my father, dealing with men and their [expletive]—I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it.”

Fantasia even touches on her affair with Antwaun Cook, whose wife is threatening her with a lawsuit. “When I met him, he was separated … wasn’t living in his home. He didn’t want to be back with his wife – that is what I was told,” she says. “I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], ‘It didn’t work, I’m still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.'”

We’re wondering if a TV interview is the best thing for Fantasia to be giving less than two weeks after trying to take her own life—particularly on the day her new album is released, since discussing something so recent and traumatic comes off as a somewhat distasteful way to promote your music. But we do applaud her for being honest about her depression and taking responsibility for her actions. Hopefully the singer’s strength during this dark period of her life will inspire others going through a similar situation.