4 Things We Love About ‘GQ’s “10 Things We Hate About ‘Born This Way'” List
Where would the Internet be without lists? Take, for example, arbiters of all things gentlemanly and quarterly, GQ: one editor for the publication admitted to being so pissed off by Lady Gaga, he furiously typed out 10 Things We Really Hate (And One We Love) About Lady Gaga’s Born This Way. Whether you’re a Little Monster or a Gaga hater, it’s a snicker-worthy read. We even found ourselves guffawing out loud while examining a few key points, pop lovers that we are. Read on!
First off, don’t shoot the messengers! The author of the list is Sean Fennessey, so feel free to either friend him or spank him with your disco sticks. His GQ writeup targets everything from the LP’s Gaga-as-road-hog cover art to “the existence of ‘Judas’.”
Here are a few of the highlights:
7. The Wordless Warbling Everyone from Michael Jackson to Mariah Carey to My Morning Jacket have scored hits without actually singing words that exist. And when Gaga was all, “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Rom-mah-rom-mum-mah! Gaga-ooh-la-la!” we were all, “Gaga’s a genius.” But somehow, in the ensuing year since “Bad Romance” became a phenomenon of alliterative gibberish, the trick feels cheaper. Nonsense choruses are the stuff of pop music marginalia, but Gaga, sensing her power, may have gone too far. “Electric Chapel,” in particular, reeks of a lack of ideas, not a distortion of form. Sing words. It’s easy.
WE SAY: Now, now, GQ — what about all the hit songs with titles that aren’t actually words, such as Crash Test Dummies’ “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm,” Boyz II Men’s “Uhh Ahh” and, one of pop’s longstanding head-scratchers, Poison’s “Unskinny Bop”? Maybe Gaga’s simply having a hard time letting go of the early ’90s?
6. The Stupid Song About Hair Called “Hair” “I am my hair,” Gaga says on this song’s chorus. “I am not my hair,” india.arie said in 2007. Neither is right. You are carbon-based life forms.
WE SAY: “Hair” has already been derided across the online realm as being akin to Lea Michele’s cheeseball Glee tune “My Headband.” And don’t even front like you’re not up on all things Glee, you naughty, naughty GQ!
4. The Hair Metal Slather All Over This Sometimes Gaga seems to be in on the joke. Take “Highway Unicorn (Road to Love),” for example. It’s a power ballad about getting in a car, having sex, and falling in love. And it’s the kind of a rip-roaring, chest-clenching song that makes you want to barrel into the next karaoke bar. Then, after a hundred or so listens, you realize it’s basically a Poison song.
WE SAY: See, GQ, we knew you were down with Poison.
The One Thing We Love: The Involvement of Robert “Mutt” Lange “Yoü and I” is also a product of that German obsession we were going on about. Only in this case, the needless umlaut and Germanisms are totally justified thanks to Robert “Mutt” Lange, the hyper-genius producer of such albums as AC/DC’s Back In Black, The Cars’ Heartbeat City, and, erm, Shania Twain’s Come on Over. He turns “Yoü and I” into a monster of grinding rhythms, big-dick riffs, and the kind of chorus fit for a queen. All hail Mutt.
WE SAY: All hail Mutt, who also twiddled the knobs for Michael Bolton, Nickelback and — get ready to rawk, children — Billy Ocean. Actually, we absolutely agree that “Yoü and I” is a Born This Way highlight. Maybe it’s the fact that the boozy ballad channels such early-’70s Elton John classics as “Bennie And The Jets” and “Honky Cat” — in which case we have to give it up for Sean’s spot-on assessment of “big-dick riffs…fit for a queen.”
Bravo, GQ! Paws up, baby.
