The key “Criminal” points we gathered from BreatheHeavy.com’s post, via an “(unconfirmed) top secret document”:
:: “Criminal” is a two-day shoot — September 18 and 19.
:: There will be “hot girls” in the video.
:: There will also be a guy playing Britney’s fiance, who is described as “a douchebag” and who will apparently flirt with the “hot girls” at a classy event.
:: Product placement alert: Britney will glance at a Swarovski watch.
:: Brit gets slapped by the fiance! How criminal! He also “squeezes her face tight.” Get out of there fast, Britney!
:: Wait — don’t go yet, Britney! Someone named Jason saves the day by punching the fiance out. Hey, Spears’ real-life boyfriend is named Jason, too. Does that mean…oh, now we get it.
:: Britney will have a body double. We’re choosing to think it’s for the violent scenes and not any dancing scenes. So there.
:: Britney will have stunning dialogue, including this: “Yeah…wait, no.”
:: Britney and Jason will passionately kiss. Walls will also explode. Does one cause the other? Time will tell, folks.
In the end, we just have to keep calm and remind ourselves that all we really know for sure is that this thing is being shot in the UK. Are you looking forward to Britney’s “Criminal” video? Let us know below.