Like we said: the night was soul-crushing. Most tragic of all, though, was country crooning coach Blake. On this Night Of Shattered Dreams, Mr. Shelton failed to win any contestants for his team, despite four solid rounds of appeals. After the night’s auditions, the superstar admitted he felt “loser-y.” Lesson learned: maybe bringing your ACM award to auditions is a good idea.
Having no statue for frame of reference, these contestants were unmoved by Blake’s begging:
Collin McLoughlin, 24, Bedford, NY
Collin dropped out of college to pursue his music career…which actually means he graduated college, but didn’t finish his graduate degree at NYU. Nonetheless, his mom is still very peeved about his still-living-at-home situation. She has, however, agreed to forgive him (for now) if a coach turns around. Collin’s rendition of “Wild World” by Cat Stevens gets all three guys to spin. Perhaps Blake should have pulled the “but we’re both wearing vests” card that he has in the past, because Collin goes for Adam Levine as his coach. The Maroon 5 frontman might want to work on Collin’s style, though, which appears to have been inspired by early Dawson’s Creek episodes.
Joselyn Rivera, 17, Pembroke Pines, FL
Joselyn was born prematurely, and therefore had neurological deficiencies growing up. In fact, she still wasn’t talking by the age of 5, until a doctor prescribed music. No lie: Joselyn found her voice with Barbie Karaoke. Although she has a shaky start to Kelly Clarkson‘s “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You),” she utterly kills it with the high notes at the end, and gets some mid-song turns from Christina Aguilera and Blake. Knowing the “Your Body” diva has an obvious advantage, Blake resorts to being catty, and says that Christina has been “known to be abusive with artists that are on her team.” Ouch. Even Adam stands up for the burned Christina at that point. Blake’s comments aside, Joselyn joins Team Xtina.
Benji, 24, Orlando, FL
Benji used to be a Formula race car driver, but that got too expensive. So he decided to pursue a more reliably profitable career: music. His performance of “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” incorporates a raspy falsetto that sounds startlingly similar to Adam’s. Naturally, Levine turns around, followed by Cee Lo Green, who is not wearing shoes. Moving past that wardrobe oversight, both guys make their cases, and Christina jumps in to say that Benji sounds a bit like Adam. Blake, still fussy from losing Joselyn, retorts, “I don’t think he sounds like a jackass at all,” and then looks around for someone to high-five him and tell him what a good burn he just made. Instead, Benji pays no heed to the comment and joins Team Levine.
Things get worse for Blake when the non-televised performance portion of the evening lands Cee Lo three performers — Todd Kessler, Ben Taub and Emily Earle — and none for Gretchen Wieners Blake. At this point, it might be worth texting his wife to swing by the studio with his award.
Mycle Wastman, 40, Seattle
In a testament to good skincare, Mycle Wastman – who is 40 but looks 20 – takes the stage. His performance of Al Green‘s “Let’s Stay Together” is strong and soulful, and gets all three male judges to turn around. (Christina, perhaps still reeling in the regret of landing Beat Frequency last night, is more conservative with her spins this evening). Cee Lo is so excited about Mycle that he comes up with a line about how he was named after Al Green, which is immediately refuted by Adam. Nonetheless, after Cee Lo declares “nobody does soul music better than Cee Lo Green,” Mycle picks him for a coach.
Another week of blind auditions are complete, so the coaches take a breather backstage. This leads to Cee Lo to stripping down to his undershirt (not what we meant by wardrobe change, guys). With less than half of the spots left, it’s gloves off for the coaches, awards out for Blake and all out for the rest of the contestants as the remaining spots are filled.
Our thoughts are with you, Blake, as you work your way through this night of rejection. On the plus side, it looks like you won’t have Christina and Cee Lo to compete with next year, and it’s way too early to worry about dealing with Shakira and Usher. Buck up, kid: you’ll always have your ACM.