Let’s reintroduce ourselves to the judges. Keith Urban, the gentleman that he is, gamely leads Nicki Minaj, in a figure-hugging orange dress, to the judges’ panel. Randy Jackson, in one of his many wacky blazers, leads his gal Friday, Mariah Carey, to her seat. Tonight it is but a sheer panel of nylon that remains between Mimi’s boobs and the rest of the world. How exciting for everyone!
Before we get to the voting results, Ryan Seacrest leads us through a montage. Hey guys, remember when everyone had such promise? Back when Charlie Askew first started growing his mustache? I’m already feeling nostalgic for when I genuinely thought Zoanette Johnson might stand a chance.
The guys are up first. We get a little wrap-up to remind us how the men did earlier this week. For those of you who missed, I did an amazing job of recapping it.
Ryan reads the first result, the first man in the Top ten. It’s a stunned Paul Jolley, in a mint greet button-down. He emerges onto the stage and I am shocked he doesn’t just faint into Ryan’s arms. To his credit, he picks up the mic for his victory song.
If it were me, I would have run at Keith, screaming, “We made it! Can you believe it?” before tripping and falling down the front of Mariah’s dress. Rather than do that, Paul belts, “How Do I Get You Alone?” before plopping into his seat on stage.
Ryan then lets Burnell Taylor know he made it to the Top 10. The Louisiana native jumps for joy before collecting his emotions for his performance of “Ready for Love” by India.Arie. I do think he’s definitely the most interesting of the male singers with a strong voice. Mimi applauds Burnell’s song and says she is indeed ready for loving Burnell even more than she did before.
I am unfamiliar with how the results show goes. Do the remaining singers in the room just fall down a trap door into a pit of flames? How quaint!
Ryan opens the envelope to reveal the third member of the Top 10 and it’s none other than Curtis Finch Jr. He runs to the stage, giddy, before launching into his victory song, John Legend‘s, “So High.” He delivers a trademark, soulful C.F. performance. I can’t wait for him to bless the judges and all of America.
Devin Velez clutches his pearls at the news that he is the next man to make it to the Top 10. He needs a little moment, and Ryan quite sweetly coaxes him through the doors. He takes a quick breath before starting his victory song, “The Power Of One.” Nicki congratulates Devin on his consistent performances before his mom rushes to the stage to grab a big hug. I love how shocked Randy looks. And then I get it because I see she is not wearing shoes. Ha!
The last man standing is Lazaro Arbos. I’m glad he opted for a charcoal grey and black combo tonight. He again wins me over with some nervous final instructions to the band leader before taking to the stage for his victory song, “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” It’s not his best performance, but now that I’m seeing the contestants being shoved onto stage moments after receiving the news, I’m just impressed nobody loses consciousness.
Then, the rest of the contestants are brought to the stage to tell America goodbye. Aww, we’ll miss you guys.
Now, it’s time for the ladies to find out who of the remaining five received America’s votes to continue in the competition. Montage of the ladies singing and I’m reminded how annoying I find Tenna Torres’ nasal shrieking and how awesome Kree Harrison is. Need a closer look?
Ryan steps backstage to let Janelle Arthur know she is the first girl to make the top ten on this third audition of hers for American Idol. Her victory song choice is “Home” by Dierks Bentley. Is it just me, or is that stage distracting? I feel like we see some of the early season Janelle in her performance. Nicki calls tonight’s performance her best of the season.
The second girl to join the highest ranks is Candice Glover. Yay! Her breathlessness is pretty endearing as Ryan tries to talk her down before the doors open. Her victory song is the classic jam “I’m Going Down” by Mary J. Blige. In her red jeans, Candice serves it. Keith loves it and so do I.
Curly girl, Angie Miller, is the next to make it through. As she gets emotional, I realize how much I love seeing people lose their shit. It’s sweet! She sings Beyonce‘s “I Was Here.” She should always come to the stage that raw. Keith gets teary-eared and I reach through the TV and wipe away his tears.
Amber Holcomb is the next one to go through and also one of my favorites. Girl, don’t hyperventilate! Ryan steadies her through the doors to her victory rendition of “I’m Every Woman.” This girl needs to come out with an album tomorrow and I’m so digging her fashion sense.
Next, the amazing Kree Harrison is brought to the stage for her big reveal as the final top contestant. And, with her triumphant entrance, all the wrongs in the universe have been righted. Kree gets super sassy with a sexy rendition of “Evidence” and it’s so good, it makes me want Kree to be cheated on just so I can experience the glory that will be her breakup album. Then, I quickly take it back because I would never truly wish that on my beloved Kree.
We say goodbye to the remaining ladies, which includes my girl, Zoanette. This is me pouring out a little something (Pirate’s Booty from a bowl) onto the floor out of respect.
And the remaining Top 10 will see you after they’ve had a weekend to CELEBRATE IN LAS VEGAS, Y’ALL! Till next week!