I have to say, tonight’s episode left me quite disenchanted with the entire democratic process. While all’s well that ends well, as in none of my favorites went home, it was enough of a scare for me to commit to voting next week. Fox is going to be looking quite suspiciously at my IP address, I tell you what. I don’t care if I have to hit up every Starbucks within a five mile radius. All right, well, enough with politics. Let’s get back to the show!
Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey both look lovely in their dresses, with Mimi in simple black and Nicki poppin’ in pink. Randy Jackson and Keith Urban again bring the lovely ladies to their seats.
Jimmy Iovine gives his reprisal of the last show, claiming that the judges were too soft with most of the contestants. I heartily enjoy Jimmy judging the judges. The only thing that could make this better would be Judge Judy coming on after to judge Jimmy. He also tells us how annoyed he is that many of these contestants don’t know these Beatles songs. He gives us the most obvious assessment that Lazaro Arbos’ performance was the worst. I think we can all agree. (I find out later, I am wrong.)
Candice Glover and Amber Holcomb get kudos from Jimmy. His assessment of Paul Jolley is pretty dead on, saying he has “a good voice, but he’s not ready for primetime.” I also agree with his summary of Angie Miller’s performance as being “too dramatic.” Lovely but forgettable, Devin Velez, is dubbed “the middle of the pack.” Of Janelle Arthur, he says that it was a great song choice and he loves her restraint, calling her “my dark horse.” I love how much Jimmy sounds like an Atlantic City bookie. Place your bets, everyone!
Amber is the first to be called to hear some results. We see some adorable footage of her practicing for Wednesday night’s performance and she has some sweet moments in which she is swallowed up by the smoke machine. Ryan Seacrest teases her with a cliffhanger before commercial break. Lame.
We return for a rendition the remaining four guys singing “Got To Get You Into My Life.” It’s pretty boring and I can’t wait until Beatles week is over. I’m realizing how the only good, interesting male singer left is Burnell Taylor. Poor Lazaro has to know he’s going home. The men all take a seat, except Paul Jolley, who is pulled aside from Ryan. He gets the news that he gets his own day from his hometown Dresden, Tennessee. His joy is short lived as Ryan then informs him that Paul is in the bottom three. Way to bury the lead, Seacrest. They really do love torturing those contestants at every turn.
Casey Abrams, season 10 Idol contestant, returns for a performance of “I Saw Her Standing There.” Question: Has anyone seen The Hobbit and is Casey in it? If not, then, well, talk about a missed casting opportunity. Surely, there must have been some scene in a jazz club that could have employed Casey’s unique talent of scatting and growing massive amounts of curly facial hair.
Back from commercial break, the ladies bring us back to the show with a group performance of “Here, There And Everywhere.” Interestingly enough, they’re all rocking the soft waves in their hair except Angie, who has since discovered the flat iron and will be straightening her hair for the duration of the competition, thankyouvermuch.
They finish and Devin Velez is called to stand by Ryan. He finds out that he is in the bottom three along with Paul Jolley. Save some room for Lazaro, boys. He’s the next prompted to rise from his seat. And we find out, shockingly, that he is not in the bottom three. Say WHAT? This is ridiculous. If he winds up in the finale, I will quit. (I won’t really. I really need the money, y’all.)
Back from commercial break, Ryan Seacrest reintroduces us to last season’s Idol runner up as an intro to her performance of “Tonight,” her single with Ne-Yo, who joins her on stage. Jessica is giving us serious Nicole Scherzinger with that bare midriff and flowing locks. It’s a fun, summer dance jam. And can we all agree that a wind machine really does make everything better? Ooh, but Jessica needs to not sing live while dancing. Leave that to Beyonce Knowles, sweetie. Still, she’s very cute.
The contestants find out that Kree Harrison is safe. Damn skippy. Candice Glover is the next to learn that she’s staying. I’m super bummed to find out that Angie Miller is the final to join the top three. Amber Holcomb better be safe, y’all. If she gets tossed, I might cut a bitch.
Janelle is the next to learn she’s safe. I’m so mad that Amber and Burnell are the last two left. I literally blurt at the TV, “Are you kidding me?” when I learn that Amber will be joining the final three. I am beyond pissed with you, America. This is just irresponsible.
Nicki agrees that something was off with Amber but does not agree with her being in the bottom three. The lights then dim for us to find out who will be singing for the save. When Paul Jolley is selected, I at least think this makes more sense.
His song choice is “Alone” by Heart and I think it’s a good fit for Paul. If he gets to stay, he really needs to go the power ballad route and take a page from Adam Lambert‘s career. Do the judges use their save for Paul tonight? Randy announces it was not a unanimous decision and Paul is going home. But don’t be too sad, because pretty Paul Jolley has had a taste of Hollywood. He’s off the farm, folks!
His memories montage is quite sweet and we all remember Paul’s journey that started with a pair of white pants. Adieu, Mr. Jolley.
And then there were eight. See younext week!