In case you missed Wednesday night’s performances, the long and the short of it is that the ladies have been straight up dominating this season. After Lazaro Arbos failed to impress in either of the night’s two rounds of singing, my guess going into Thursday’s results show was that it’s going to be a ladies-only affair for the top five.
Two performances from American Idol winners of past seasons were on tap to pass the time on Thursday: country singer and winner of season 10, Scotty McCreery, as well as the very first winner EVER, Kelly Clarkson. There were also many montages to remind us how the contestants fared when they had to sing from the Burt Bacharach-Hal Davis catalog, as well as when they chose song selections that they wish they themselves had written.
Tonight, it’s Kevin Bacon in the audience and the entire studio can rejoice that they are currently within one degree of the star of The Following. I’m not currently watching it, but I am sure it’s amazing.
Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj are looking gorgeous, with the Pink Friday star decked out in royal blue and Mimi showing off her ladies in a ed gown with a plunging neckline. They both have amazing hair. Randy Jackson looks completely ridiculous in a black blazer with a white button up shirt with black polka dots. No, you didn’t misread that.
In keeping with the Burt Bacharach-Hal Davis catalog theme, the remaining six contestants open the episode with a medley of songs by the two composers. I would like to note that at this point, Kree Harrison is quite successfully rocking the side ponytail.
Lazaro’s bit starts off with him awkwardly lurking on a step. This poor guy has to know he’s going home tonight. Amber Holcomb and Candice Glover finish the group performance with sparkles and a duet.
We return from a commercial break for some product placement from Ford Fiesta. The contestants are playing a soccer game on a rooftop with giant soccer balls, goals and using Ford Fiestas to hit the balls into the goal. This looks like a total insurance nightmare, and, shockingly, no one gets run over.
Back to Ryan Seacrest sitting down the contestants to see highlights of performances from the night before. I hope it includes the train wreck that was Mimi’s critique. I do love Jimmy Iovine‘ assessment of Laz’s performance of being an “Ambien milkshake.”
After hearing this, Lazaro is pissed and can’t keep from visibly rolling his eyes. Ryan brings last week’s top three contestants to the stage — Angie Miller, Lazaro and Kree Harrison — before cutting to commercial break.
We return to see Ryan interviewing Kevin Bacon looking mad-handsome in his leather jacket.
Now it’s time for Scotty McCreery to perform his brand new single “See You tonight.” We get a montage to remind us of his own Idol journey. He wears all black and I’m shocked that someone who is a dead ringer for Alfred E. Neuman can have such a deep voice. He wraps it up with some banter from Ryan.
Now, we’ll hopefully get some results. Ryan dims the lights and shows us highlights from Janelle Arthur‘s performance. She is called to the stage to join the other three, followed by Candice and Angie.
Ryan pairs the remaining contestants up on stage and tells us the groups represent the top two, the bottom two and the middle two. Lazaro and Angie stand next to each other and my heart drops. Commercial break with a cliffhanger!
Then we get treated to some vintage Idol featuring some adorable banter between a young Ryan Seacrest and an even younger Kelly Clarkson. The original American Idol winner, Kelly, takes to the stage to sing “People Like Us.” They lower the lights and Miss Clarkson and her band are decked out in DayGlo outfits while the audience fist pump with glowsticks. I bet in person, the effect was very intimate, but on TV it just looks too dark. Whatever, though, she sounds great, as always.
When Kelly wraps up, Mariah comes to the stage to blow Kelly’s mind. They have a little love fest and we learn that Mariah told Kelly on Twitter that she is Hashtag Pow. Meanwhile, Mimi’s boobs are Hashtag Pow in that dress. I’m glad she had a chance to stand up and show ‘em off again.
OK, now we’re back to actual results. Ryan tells us that Kree and Candice are in the top two. No surprises there. Lazaro and Amber find out they are in the bottom two, meaning that Angie and Janelle are safe. Well, there’s no way that Amber is in any danger tonight, so I’m feeling pretty chill.
After the lights dim, we learn that Lazaro is singing for his save. They hug and Amber joins the other ladies. He saunters to the center stage to sing “Feeling Good.” It’s definitely better than he’s sounded in a long time, but there’s no way he’s staying. At least he’ll get to leave on a high note in his leather vest and tie.
Randy gives the same speech he’s given all season thus far, “You know we love you, but we’re not using the save.” And with that, we tell Lazaro adios. And my prediction comes true, meaning that no matter what, we’re getting a female winner this season. I am quite pleased.
Till next week!