Madonna’s ‘Hard Candy’ Turns 5: Stan & Deliver

Bradley Stern | April 24, 2013 5:30 am

Name: Bradley Stern | Location: New York, NY | Twitter: @muumuse

7. Incredible: Okay, let’s be real: “Incredible” is a misnomer — but it does have a moment.

The Neptunes-produced midtempo is a disjointed combination of staggering drums, skittering sounds, lovely piano playing and some, uh, dodgy lyricism that plays like a sexually frustrated, half-baked demo: “I felt it / It thrilled me / I want it to fill me.” Gee, I wonder what’s she talking about? Can’t get my head around it! Suddenly, the track dives into a rocky, guitar-led bridge: “I started to breathe! I wanted to cry!” she yelps.

Before it’s too late, the brilliance finally arrives: “It’s time to put your hands up! It’s time to get your body moving!” Madonna monotones above a blast of shimmering synthesizers and stomping beats — a proper call to the dance floor. It’s just not her strongest offering on the album, is it? If only the entire song was like that brief, glittering explosion of joy! Now that would truly be incredible.