Rumors began circulating this morning that British boy band and Twitter snipers The Wanted have shot a video for their new single, reportedly titled “She Walks Like Rihanna.” According to sources on the set of the clip, the chorus goes like this: “She can’t sing / She can’t dance / But who cares / She walks like Rihanna.”
There are a few problems with this (not the least of which is the notion that a talent-free lady-friend gets a pass for having a gait that resembles a famous person’s), but the biggest issue is that Rihanna isn’t really known for walking, necessarily. Pelvic gyrations? Sure. Licking her teeth provocatively? Absolutely. Shining bright like a diamond? Often, and with impunity! But walking? It’s just not an act we associate with the Bajan banger. “Prowling,” maybe, would be a better verb, if we’re choosing to keep her in motion. Whatever. The whole thing is just weird, and embarrassing, so here are ten titles about other pop divas that would be way better than this one.
1. “She Twerks Like Miley”
2. “She Throws A Body Party Like Ciara”
3. “She Buys Kisses Down Low On iTunes Like Kelly”
4. “She Fails To Release Actual Singles Like Beyonce”
5. “She Falls Asleep Judging The X Factor Like Britney”
6. “She Falls Asleep Judging American Idol Like Mariah”
7. “She Rises Up Like Christina (Rise Up, Lotus, Rise Up)”
8. “She Has Hands That Are Small She Knows But They’re Not Yours They Are Her Own Like Jewel”
9. “She Spontaneously Bursts Into Flames Like Alicia”
10. “She Is A Plastic Bag Like Katy”
Mail the royalty checks directly to us, please.