Will.i.am Is Executive Producing Britney Spears’ Next Album & Everything Feels Hopeless

May 1st, 2013 // 11 Comments
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That anguished sob of despair you just heard coming out of Brazil? Yes, that was all of Britney Spears‘ stans reacting with unprecedented shock and dismay to the gut-punching horror show news bulletin that Spears’ next album will be executive produced by her “Scream & Shout” collaborator, abysmal club-pop gremlin Will.i.am.

Rolling Stone reports that Will says he’s “involved in, not producing and writing every song, but to be an executive producer on the songs.” (He also said that Britney “really liked Diplo” and that they’d had recent sessions which he described as “amazing,” which is more promising, but still, really, ugh — Will.i.am?)

Look: I’m not saying that Will.i.am is the worst thing that’s ever happened to the world of music, and he’s a capable producer as long as he doesn’t make the songs about him, but Spears — who has long been pop music’s secret avant-garde superstar, with a propensity for including groundbreaking sounds and influences that define the trends of mainstream radio — probably won’t benefit from having the king of bleepy-bloop chart pablum on her side. Does anyone actually like Will.i.am? Why is this happening? Also, even when her ballads have vacillated in quality, Spears’ uptempo tracks are consistently amazing, and (in my opinion) “Big Fat Bass” is maybe the only bad dancefloor banger she’s ever recorded.

Will.i.am continued to explain that he needed to have a lot of lunches with Spears in order to find out exactly who she was as a person and “what she’s excited about in life”; he said, “We can’t do another song about going on the dance floor. Really? Didn’t we see a bunch of Britney doing that already? Don’t we want to see something that comes from her heart?”

Will, nobody wants something that comes from Britney’s heart. We want big pop smashes. Also, what? This from the guy responsible for the soul-baring torch ballad “#thatpower”? Give my heart a break, Will.

Best case scenario: They assemble the best pop songs in the world and Will is a useful resource in curating which ones make the album. Worst case scenario: Lots and lots and lots of lines like the iconic “Big Fat Bass” lyric, “When it pounds it causes addiction / Y’all addicts better have a prescription.”

In a word: #Pray4Godney.

[via Rolling Stone]

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  1. Jay

    All I know is….Britney better not make an album’s worth of “Big Fat Bass” type of songs. I think Britney is smarter than that.

  2. mick

    Not to mention every single one of Will.i.am’s solo songs all are those EMD autotuned messes.

  3. Christie

    Noooooooooooooooooooooo !! Please say this isn’t happening, that mean she’ll sound more robotic than ever ! And here I thought maybe we could here some of the old britney on this record. I hate will.i.am

  4. Will.i.am.not

    Makes me want to scream…and shout…and let it all out….OHHH EEE OHHH EEEE OH-E-OHHHH

  5. danny

    Oh dear GODney. Team Britney needs to call someone that is FRESH and NEW and UPCOMING like Calvin Harris or something. Then add lots of duets from Rihanna, Chris, Lil Wayne, Nicki….people we want to hear from. In fact that would be the best thing ever. An entire album of hot duets.

  6. oh really? good producer? he just stole Mat Zo & Arty’s Rebound and use it for his let’s go..i think he is good at stealing from others

  7. gracie

    Oh, gawd. Just when I was hoping Brit would create a great new album to rival Blackout with maybe a great ballad as a twist. Guess we get ‘big fat bass’. I wonder if she went off her meds/

  8. Jus10

    I’m not religious but I’m going to pray for this album. Oh lord I will pray.

  9. Homonizer

    I WANT DANGER! Or at least take some chances with some unheard of producers ( i.e. The Outsyders – womanizer) I JUST WANT SOMETHING PHRESH! AKA NOT BIG FAT BASS

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