Here’s the story of Carly Rae Jepsen‘s “Tonight I’m Getting Over You”: Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom called Canada, a princess named Carly Rae Jepsen wrote a really great song called “Call Me Maybe,” and a handsome prince named Justin Bieber who was prone to temper tantrums (he was raised by his pet monkey, you see) heard it and loved it and called his Uncle Scar (Scooter Braun) to help make it a huge hit, and then it was, and everyone laughed and sang and made “Call Me Maybe” memes all summer long.
And so Carly Rae went into the studio to make her album, and she wrote great songs — songs that were as good as “Call Me Maybe”! Electro smashes that sound like forgotten J-pop classics and midtempo ballads with lightly strummed guitars and songs so delicate they sound like they were woven from gossamer in space and blasted down to earth to destroy pop radio, and she released her great album Kiss and her great single “This Kiss” and waited for the accolades to roll in — and nobody cared. They’d forgotten all about Carly Rae Jepsen.
Because, well, there was a prince from another faraway land, a prince named PSY who had a big dumb song with a big dumb dance called “Gangnam Style,” and her Uncle Scar (Scooter Braun) seemed terribly distracted trying to do complicated spells like “negotiating the xenophobia of mainstream American audiences,” and Justin Bieber had a lot on his plate, too, because he was just trying to keep his pet monkey from throwing shit against the wall. So she decided to try another song — a song called “Tonight I’m Getting Over You,” a diamond of a pop song so peerlessly perfect that it might even be better than “Call Me Maybe.” (Yes — I said it.) And she released it, and still nobody cared.
And so, exasperated, run-down from all this trying, Carly Rae did what she had to do: She dragged her Uncle Scar (Scooter Braun) out of a meeting and went to go visit the Empress of Rent-A-Rappers, Nicki Minaj, to lend a hand.
Seated atop her throne, Nicki Minaj cackled, running her long fingernails up and down her golden scepter. “Me?” she asked, pressing her cold hand against Carly Rae’s alabaster cheek. “You want me to do a guest feature on your song?”
Carly Rae waited, breathless.
“Well,” Nicki said. “Alright.” And so she did.
And so then there was a Nicki Minaj radio remix of “Tonight I’m Getting Over You,” and Carly Rae felt a little twinge of sadness about it, sort of, even though she was happy, because she didn’t want to have to go visit the Empress of Rent-A-Rappers, not really, and it felt so unfair that she had been able to nab a #1 with “Call Me Maybe” without ever having to bring a sacrifice to the Evil Trifeca of Rent-A-Rap — Pitbull, Flo.Rida and Will.i.am (who feast on the hearts of former Pussycat Dolls). She’d been able to do it then. Why did she need a Nicki Minaj radio remix now?
But then, she realized, it didn’t really matter, because in order to be a queen in this kingdom, she had to play by their rules. And if radio would play “Tonight I’m Getting Over You” with Nicki Minaj and wouldn’t play it without her, then it was worth doing. Because at the end of the day, good songs deserve to be heard. And after all, she smiled to herself as she gazed out over the kingdom — at least it wasn’t a Pitbull remix.
Listen to Nicki Minaj and Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Tonight I’m Getting Over You” below.
Carly Rae Jepsen — Tonight I’m Getting Over You (feat. Nicki Minaj)