1. Lick her teeth provocatively
2. Thrust her pelvis
3. Sing half-heartedly to a backing track
Here’s a list of things she did not do:
Yes, the #UNALOPOGETIC songstress was very very late to a very important date. Some fans speculated that perhaps her recent split from Chris Brown, an R&B superstar who moonlights as the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, meant that she needed some extra time backstage to, I dunno, grieve or whatever. (Did they split? Are they together? Were they ever? Does anyone know what’s going on there? Does anyone care? I certainly don’t.) Other fans suggested that perhaps she was watching a basketball game, which seems like a pretty good reason to keep thousands of people who have paid money to see you waiting for several hours. And then, to add insult to injury, she didn’t even apologize, which had many fans up in arms.
Here’s the thing: If you buy into Rihanna’s brand, you’re not buying into her as a responsible performer who’s committed to her professionalism; you’re buying into her brand as a magnetically apathetic and selfish pop superstar who has zero consideration for you or your time, someone so averse to apologizing that she literally titled her album Unapologetic. Which is awesome! Rihanna’s a badass, and she doesn’t care what anyone thinks about her. Good for Rihanna.
But it also means that the world has trained her to believe that if she acts like a ratchet monster, people will love her anyway, and let her get away with it. Like the many poor souls who lost their lives (well, just their dignity, but still) on board the 777 Tour, this Boston faction of the Rihanna Navy are just the latest collateral damage along Rihanna’s Tour of Fuckslessness.
So Boston, if you want someone who’s going to be nice to you, there’s a Taylor Swift show tonight in Louisville. Otherwise, next time there’s a Rihanna concert, bring a good book.
[via The Daily Mail]