Well! There’s some splashy new cover stars for the September issue of GQ on the other side of the pond, and the boys of One Direction each got their own — and they sure look handsome! Yes, what handsome lads they are. It’s almost as if that’s a more central component of the secret to their success than the music. Weird!
But Louis, Harry, Zayn, Liam and Niall also have some things to say — about music, rumors and girls who put out. (You know how sexually empowered women are — can’t take ‘em home to Mom!)
Let’s put this front and center: Their new sound reportedly packs a little more rock wallop, although “Best Song Ever” certainly doesn’t suggest that. Says Niall: “It’ll be heavier. A bit rockier. A bit cooler.” Liam adds, “Consider this a warning: This is a new sound.”
As for their crushes, Niall admitted that his heart beats a little faster for Ellie Goulding (interesting!) while Harry was evasive-but-not-too-evasive on rumors that he’s bisexual and hooking up with DJ Nick Grimshaw: “Bisexual? Me? I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure I’m not.” Very convincing indeed.
Definitely my favorite quote, though, is Louis on the ease of access to groupies who will put out. When asked whether it’s hard to stay faithful to girlfriends, Louis said: “I don’t think it is. The type of girls that would sleep with you in a heartbeat aren’t the type of girls I’d want to take home anyway.” This is a nice counterpart to news a few months ago that Harry had broken up with Taylor Swift because she was “asexual” and “only ever talked about antiques.”
So remember, ladies: You have to know exactly the right moment to sleep with a member of One Direction to avoid looking like either a total slore who they’d be embarrassed to introduce to their mother, or a prude who’s boring because she won’t put out. Just gotta get right in that window if you want to lock it down.