The 10 Stages Of Breakup Grieving, As Told By Britney Spears

By: Jordan Miller / September 2, 2013

It’s Britney Spears day on Idolator, and we’re bringing you a full day’s worth of Britney-related content from a host of all-star contributors — and this one comes courtesy of Jordan Miller, host of the biggest and best Britney Spears fansite out there, BreatheHeavy.com. Read on!

If you’ve ever fallen in love, you remember how that time in your life was magical, inspiring and unpredictable! You could fly! You were like a ringleader! You called the shots! But then — it crashed and burned into a million pieces, and all you’re left with is a lump of coal where your heart used to be.

Okay — that’s a little dramatic because sure, you’ll find it again some day, but you’ve irrevocably gone through some shit — and if you could convey your breakup through Britney Spears songs, it probably went something like this.

Stage 1: The Messy Breakup














1. Shattered Glass

Album: Circus
Producers: 
Dr. Luke & Benny Blanco
You just realized your relationship is passed the point of repair, and it’s time to break up. It’s broken, and whatever you had shattered into a million damn pieces. One of you royally screwed up (him, obviously him) and all you can hope for is that he’s doing worse off than you are. No, you’re an adult and wish him well. LOL JK. Not really.
Choice Quote: “You’re gonna see me in your dreams tonight
My face is gonna haunt you all the time
I promise that you gon’ want me back
When your world falls apart like shattered glass”

2. Inside Out

Album: Femme Fatale
Producers: Dr. Luke, Max Martin & Billboard
You just can’t let go yet and reached out to your ex. Maybe you’ll get back together? Deep down, you know the end is imminent, but you want him to come over anyway — “just to talk.” Your conversation turns physical, and unfortunately it just feels so right.
Choice Quote: “Even though we couldn’t last forever, baby, you know what I want right now
Hit me one more time, it’s so amazing how you shook my world and flipped it upside down
You’re the only one who ever drove me crazy ’cause you know me inside out”

3. Showdown

Album: In The Zone
Producers: Bloodshy & Avant
It’s been two weeks without communication, and you miss him. Or you miss the drama. No, you miss him. Right? Suddenly, your phone lights up and he wants to come over, but you know there’s nothing left to say. Screw it — you want it, and you love to emotionally torture yourself. You’ll learn eventually.
Choice Quote: “Cause if we break up
Then we can make up
Shake my body all night
Here comes the showdown”

Stage 2: The Blackout Era

4. Telephone

Producer: Rodney Jerkins
Time to get a little messy. This time you’ve got your friends to back you up and take you out. Nothing a little vodka can’t take care of. And if he tries to call you? Don’t answer, you’re kind of busy. Now, party your face off!
“Hello, baby, you called
I can’t hear a thing
I have got no service in the club you see
What did you say? Huh? You’re breaking up on me
Sorry, I cannot hear you I’m kinda busy”

5. Dramatic

Album: Unreleased
Producers: Unknown
Now you’re just bitter. And hungover. It’s ok! Embrace it; hate him all you want! Hate the cologne his mom gave him, hate his XBOX, roommates, friends and his general demeanor. Good riddance! Now, back to texting your rebound…
Choice Quote: “No, no, no, no, you’re not the one I thought you were
Now there’s another ringing my bell
I’m under his spell
You’re too dramatic
Understand it’s over”

6. Lonely

Album: Britney
Producers: Rodney Jerkins
In between the nightclubs, bar crawls and junk food consumption are something called weekdays. This is the time to clear your head from what the hell you’re running from and realize that you’re better off without him — and you know it. Take off those rose colored glasses for good. (And maybe lay off the vodka cranberry. Seriously.)
Choice Quote: “I think of all the time that I wasted
Think of all the times that I took you back
Ain’t no way I’ll be lonely
I don’t wanna let you back in”

Stage 3: Acceptance

7. Mannequin

Album: Circus
Producers: Harvey Mason & Rob Knox
You’re simply tired of it all. Tired of thinking about him, about what happened, where it went wrong, and how it could’ve been different. It’s exhausting, and it’s just easier not to go there anymore. You’re not ready to be happy for him, but you don’t wish him ill will, either.
Choice Quote: “You can cry your eyes out of your head,
Baby, baby,
I don’t care, I don’t care,
I don’t care, I don’t care,
You can cry(-cry-cry) again(-gain-gain),
My face like a mannequin”

8. Let Go

Album: Unreleased
Producers: Unknown
Go ahead with that one last cry then let it go. All of it. You put your heart and soul into something and it just wasn’t meant to be. It’s okay to feel hurt, but it’s not okay to let that control you any more. Be happy — for yourself, your journey and for him, too. Just let it all go.
Choice Quote: “The feeling of going down way too deep
Holding on so you wont lose your feet
Sometimes you just gotta trust
You gotta take that leap
And let go
You gotta let go”

Stage 4: Moving On

9. Amnesia

Album: Circus
Producers: Fernando Garibay
There’s more than one fish in the sea. You’re not doomed to walk this Earth alone no matter how much it may feel like that sometimes. Wait. Who is that guy over there? He’s so cute! And he’s lookin’ over here! Ex-boyfriend who?
Choice Quote: “I get amnesia when I’m standin’ next to you
He’s been with me for several years I know this much is true
Didn’t know it was over til you came on over
And told me that you just, just can’t forget about me”

10. Stronger

Album: Oops!… I Did It Again
Producers: Max Martin
Congratulations, you’ve learned one of the most important lessons of your entire life: Heartbreak is one of the most painful feelings we can experience, and you survived. You can stand on your own two feet knowing that in order to be happy with someone again, you need to be happy on your own, too. You got this!
Choice Quote: “Stronger, than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My loneliness ain’t killing me no more
I’m stronger”

For more from Jordan, hit up BreatheHeavy.com