10 Flop Star Divas Time Forgot (But We Never Will)

Jonathan Riggs | July 4, 2014 6:00 am

Not everyone reaches the pinnacle of pop superstardom, kittens — there just ain’t room. And yet, for every sweet-faced starlet with massive chart-toppers, there are thousands of minor pop also-rans destined never to do better than a pity deep cut on Now, That’s What I Call Music! 48,901. Whether you chalk it up to bad timing, bad material, or bad luck, these underdog divas left only the briefest of impressions on the pop landscape, but we love them all the more for it. Pop divadom’s almost-wases and never-weres — we applaud your pluck!

Ali Lohan

Debut album: Lohan Holiday (2006)Best Single: “Christmas Magic”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: n/aHer Secret Weapon: The spirit of forgiveness and generosity pervasive to the holidaysHer Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “Think I saw her older sister doing a line of ‘snow’ in the background.”

Blu Cantrell

Debut album: So Blu (2001)Best Single: “Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops!)”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 2Her Secret Weapon: Solé and Mia on backupHer Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “I remember when I did this to my ex, but the damn card got declined. #oops!”

Hoku

Debut album: Hoku (2000)Best Single: “Another Dumb Blonde”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 27Her Secret Weapon: The unparalleled backing vocals of TheHokuBot©Her Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “OMG…I had this cassette. No, really, I still have this cassette.”

Cassie

Debut album: Cassie (2006)Best Single: “Me & U”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 3Her Secret Weapon: Prince-inspired spellingHer Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “In 7th grade this was the shit.”

Kim Zolciak

Debut album: n/aBest Single: “Google Me” (2011)US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: n/aHer Secret Weapon: One Weave to Rule Them AllHer Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “See, I ain’t even pressed play and am laughing… Chiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllllllldddddddddddddd.”

Brooke Hogan

Debut album: Undiscovered (2006)Best Single: “Everything to Me”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 97Her Secret Weapon: An unlimited supply of tear-away yellow Hulkamania! tank-topsHer Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “Why did she have a singing career again?”

Nicole

Debut album: Make It Hot (1998)Best Single: “Make It Hot”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 5Her Secret Weapon: Timbaland and Missy Elliott’s trademark horror-show-sound-effect production and an unparalleled bronze lipstick gameHer Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “My mom hates this song, but I love it. So there :P lol”

Tweet

Debut album: Southern Hummingbird (2002)Best Single: “Oops (Oh My)”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 7Her Secret Weapon: Timbaland and Missy Elliott’s trademark horror-show-sound-effect production and an unparalleled leather Kangol gameHer Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “EVERY woman should feel like this and think, ‘damn, I’m so gorgeous I just have to make love to me at 3 in the morning.’ Yup.”

Heidi Montag

Debut album: Superficial (2009)Best Single: “Higher”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: n/aHer Secret Weapon: The Hills (Heidi’s and the TV show)Her Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “Paris Hilton is better. Wow.”

Willa Ford

Debut album: Willa Was Here (2001)Best Single: “I Wanna Be Bad”US Billboard Hot 100 Peak: 22Her Secret Weapon: A bad case of the blink-and-she’s-BritneyHer Most Eloquent YouTube Defender: “When I was 12 and watched this, it turned me into the dignified ‘ass man’ you see today.”

Which of your fave pop flops did we leave out? Let us know below!

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