The Summer 2014 Idolator Video Floppy Awards: Alison Gold, Farrah Abraham, Avril Lavigne, Lady Gaga & More Sweep The Floppys!

Jonathan Riggs | August 21, 2014 7:37 am

Face it, kids: the MTV VMAs are hopelessly out of touch. I mean, Paris Hilton hasn’t even been nominated!

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That’s why we here at Idolator have decided to right the music industry’s wrongs by celebrating its TRUE triumphs via our very first Video Floppy Awards. #sorrynotsorry all other award shows — you ain’t NOTHING next to Idolator’s Floppys!

Below you’ll find the snubbed videos that we felt were most worthy of being singled out in at least some category or other. Oh, and just FYI, we’ll be hauling the Floppys out whenever we damn well please. Why wait a whole year when the cycle of floptitude is constantly twirling around us at any given moment?

You’ve been warned.

WORST AXE-BODY-SPRAY-SCENTED DESPERATION: Robin Thicke, “Get Her Back —Straight up, Robin, Paula’s not gonna love you forever. And apparently, neither are the people who downloaded “Blurred Lines” by the millions last summer.

WORST ASSAULT ON ASIAN CULTURE: Alison Gold, “Chinese Food” & Avril Lavigne, “Hello Kitty” (tie) — Not since the era of Love. Angel. Music. Baby. have North American pop stars so aggressively objectified Asian culture and people as props.

BEST BEYONCE APPEARANCE: Michelle Williams, “Say Yes”And Michelle is so happy Bey said yes!

BEST BEYONCE APPEARANCE IN A VIDEO NOT BY MICHELLE WILLIAMS: “Elevator Oopsie! At The Met Gala (featuring Solange & Jay Z)” — Reality as we know it.

THIRSTIEST TWEET (THE ARTIST, THAT IS) IMPERSONATOR: Keyshia Cole, “She” — Self love is so 2002. Oops! Oh my!

WORST REMINDER THAT NONE OF THE NOISE, GLITTER AND DECADENCE OF POP MUSIC WILL STAVE OFF YOUR INEVITABLE MORTALITY: Austin Mahone featuring Pitbull, “Mmmm Yeah” — Mr. Worldwide, Mr. 305, Mr. Existential Dread. Dale!

BEST BATHHOUSE LATE-NIGHT LOOP PLAYING TO AN EMPTY, SLOWLY MILDEWING SEX DUNGEON: Cher, “Take It Like A Man (7th Heaven Remix)” — [Insert Cher tongue motion here]

BEST TRIBUTE TO THE DOCUMENTARY BLACKFISH: Mariah Carey, “You’re Mine (Eternal)” — Fun fact: The Elusive Chanteuse required an industrial-size vat of body glitter, 20,000 pounds of herring and 13 marine biologists to be on set at all times.

WORST SELF-IMMOLATION OF A ONCE-FLAWLESS CAREER: Lady Gaga, “Do What U Want” & “G.U.Y.” (tie) — Thankfully, Little Monsters still reeling from the ARTPOPalypse can access services via the Born This Way Foundation. Er…right?

LEGENDS WE LOST: Floyd Cyrus & Lauren Bacall

WILLA FORD BASICBLAZER AWARD: Farrah Abraham, “Blowin” — Yes, we lost some legends this year. But thankfully a new one was waiting in the wings.

Did any of your faves get snubbed by The Floppys? Let us know which ones we overlooked below, and fret not — we could be bringing this trash out again at any given moment!