Nick Cannon Confirms Separation From Mariah Carey And Now We’re Whistle-Shrieking In Sadness

Love sometimes really is like a sucker-punch to the dick, isn’t it? I mean, if we can’t believe in the holy union that is(/was?) Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, then what in Mimi’s name is there left to place our hopes and dreams in?

Sigh. Love takes time. Vision of love. There can be miracles when you believe. We belong together. Bye bye. Don’t forget about us.

Mariah, 44, and Nick, 33, have reportedly been living apart for months now, according to People (“He’s been staying in hotels,” a source told the magazine. Depressing…). Cannon even confirmed the news to The Insider, notes ABC, with this statement: “There is trouble in paradise. We have been living in separate houses for a few months.”

The pair first met in 2008 on the set of Carey’s video for “Bye Bye,” the second single off her E=MC² album. They married not long after that, and in 2011 became the parents to twin kiddos Moroccan and Monroe, who are both now three years old.

And you know what — I’m blaming the split on Taylor Swift and her damn copping of the song title “Shake It Off.” The Elusive Chanteuse’s 2005 song of the same name is 10 times better, and Taylor had to just go and eff up the natural harmony of the Mariahverse, didn’t she now?

All we can do is hope for a nice, loving reconciliation for Mariah and Nick. But, you know — in all reality, they are probably never ever getting back together. Screw you, Taylor!!!

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