‘Glee’ Recap: Santana’s Proposal, Coach Bieste’s Announcement & Becky’s Boyfriend

In this extra special, emotionally charged episode of Glee, entitled “Jagged Little Tapestry,” the writers worked overtime to jam in as many socially conscious moments as possible. Without giving away too much at the top, let’s just say there were three pretty big bombs dropped during the episode, all done to the tunes of some particular ’70s and ’90s classics.

We start with an awkward moment between recently disengaged pair Blaine (Darren Criss) and Kurt (Chris Colfer), who run into each other in the local sheet music store in Lima, Ohio. It’s made even more awkward by the presence Blaine’s new beau, David Karofsky (Max Adler). The two former flames then launch into Carole King‘s “It’s Too Late,” complete with furtive glances and whimsical romantic flashbacks in slow motion.

Next thing you know, Kurt is telling Rachel (Lea Michele) all about it in the practice room. After a tedious but thankfully brief discussion about what to sing that week, they decide to do a mashup of Carole King’s Tapestries versus Alanis Morissette‘s Jagged Little Pill, with the cheery theme being “breakups.”

From there, we venture into the football team locker room where Coach Bieste (Dot Jones) and Sam (Chord Overstreet) chat sports stuff while Sam inexplicably irons jock straps. In between sneaking sniffs of the banana hammocks, Sam casually tells Coach Bieste that he would love to take over for her after she retires. Way to hitch your wagon to a star, kid. In the midst of Coach Bieste very guiltily telling Sam about her supposed upcoming knee surgery, in walks gay football player Spencer Porter (Marshall Williams), to complain about football stuff. I’d be more specific, but I’m not a sports person. In any case, you get the sense he’s not happy with Coach Bieste’s methods.

With the alumni lingering for yet another week after homecoming, the glee club meeting commences with Kurt and Rachel announcing this week’s theme, “Jagged Little Tapestry.” The two warring glee club co-coaches bicker until they devolve into a full-on whisper fight, which is finally broken up when Santana (Naya Rivera) and Brittany (Heather Morris) volunteer to team up for the first song.

Then, because McKinley High truly is the Bermuda Triangle of the Midwest, Becky Jackson (Lauren Potter) returns to the school and runs into Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) and Quinn (Dianna Agron). She tells them she’s in town visiting her parents but is at the high school because her new boyfriend, Darryl, is interested in seeing it. (Red flag number one about this guy.) She also tells the ladies that she lied about being in every club in school, including glee club, in order to impress Darryl. That seductive little joiner!

In bed, Santana and Brittany enjoy some post-scissoring champagne while trying to decide which mashup to sing. During this little convo and cuddle sesh, Santana suggests they live in New York together. #LesbiansinLove

Becky introduces a very skeptical Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) to her boyfriend, Darryl, who, unlike Becky, doesn’t have Down Syndrome.  Sue is immediately wildly suspicious of the tall, blonde drink of water and gives him her trademark stink-eye.

Santana and Brittany sing their mashup of “Hand In My Pocket” and “I Feel The Earth Move.” It’s nice, but I want more Brittany dancing. Then again, I always want more Brittany dancing. Immediately after their performance, Santana proposes to Brittany, who immediately says yes. Abrupt much? This prompts a horrified Kurt to say, “Did you learn nothing from me and Blaine?” Despite his egomania, he has a point, but is quickly drowned out by everyone’s congratulations.

Spencer surreptitiously meets with Sue Sylvester to urge her to fire Coach Bieste. He talks about seeing Coach Bieste taking a bunch of pills and dangles a football championship in front of Sue’s face to encourage the award-hungry principal to instate jock-strap sniffing Sam as the new football coach.

In the school hallway, Santana approaches Kurt to deliver a monologue that basically says Blaine and he split not because they were too young but because Kurt is awful. I’d say both theories are about right. We see Kurt experience a little reality check.

Becky practices dancing with Tina and Quinn but quits after ten minutes. #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

Kurt and Brittany chat and then she drops the bomb that Dave Karofsky and Blaine are moving in together. She gives him some love advice that involves a metaphor of Mounds bars and poop that is just so typically Brittany.

In Sue Sylvester’s office, Coach Roz (NeNe Leakes), Sue and Tina grill Becky’s boyfriend, Darryl. Sue is the one who finally asks, “You having sex with Becky?” To this, Darryl replies, “Not yet.” He then admonishes the women for being narrow-minded and claims to have called the National Association of Down Syndrome to find out if it’s OK to have sex with Becky and was apparently given the green light. Is that how that works?

At glee club practice, new members Jane and Mason sing their mashup of “Will You Love Me Tomorrow” and “Head Over Feet.” Listening to them, a tortured Kurt relives flashbacks of his relationship with Blaine, and boy, do they have a lot of footage of those two being in love and/or crying. A bitter Kurt gives them harsh notes while Rachel’s skirt grows smaller as her annoyance with him grows larger. She sends him home for the rest of practice.

Principal Sue Sylvester approaches Coach Bieste, and in her roundabout way asks her if she has cancer. Sue then aggressively promises to help Coach Bieste in any way she can.

Becky readies for her trio with Quinn and Tina of Carole King’s “So Far Away” but she runs off, scared to perform for Darryl in the audience. The glee ladies lecture Becky and tell her to just be honest. “You’re mostly stupid bitches, but you’re pretty cool too,” Becky tells them warmly. Somewhere on Etsy, a genius is needlepointing that very phrase onto throw pillows and making a killing.

Kurt comes back to class and apologizes to Rachel, but she tells him that the students actually crave his brand of tough love so they can win at sectionals, which I’m just now realizing sounds like a competition for L-shaped couches.

Coach Bieste, Sue and Sam meet in Sue’s office to tell him she has cancer, but then Coach Bieste drops the bomb that she doesn’t actually have cancer.  She (or he, I should now say) hands Sue a letter from her psychiatrist that explains that Coach Bieste has gender dysphorphia and is going to start treatments to transition into a gay man. It’s tearful and Coach Bieste needs Sam to take over football coaching for now. Despite this out-of-nowhere news, Sue is still able to throw in some trademark zingers.

At a restaurant, Becky admits to Darryl over milkshakes that she has Down Syndrome and that she lied about being in so many clubs. I have to say, I get that he’s supposed to just be a nice guy, but his reactions to everything are so perfect and PC that in real life, he would definitely be a serial killer. He even laughs bemusedly at her violent outbursts.

Kurt and Rachel announce to the glee club that they’re ready for the road to sectionals. To reiterate their point, the whole gang sings a mashup of “You Learn” and “You’ve Got a Friend.”

So there you have it: a marriage proposal, an announcement that someone is starting gender reassignment surgery and a Becky gets a boyfriend who is suspiciously perfect. I can only imagine what’s in store for next week.

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