‘Glee’ Recap: ‘Child Star’ Introduces 13-Year-Old Boy Diva Myron Muskovitz
Gold sparkly costumes? Check. A hysterical child soiling his pants in fear? Check. Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) physically attacking multiple people? Check, check, check! This week’s episode of Glee (“Child Star”) truly has it all, including a pint-sized, Jewish diva who makes Rachel Berry (Lea Michele) look like a low-maintenance wallflower.
We open with Sue yelling at male students in the McKinley High gymnasium during the Presidential Physical Fitness Challenge. Spencer (Marshall Williams) pulls himself to the top of the rope climb test with ease, making googly eyes at a fellow male student with a ponytail.
Self-described fat kid and glee club member, Roderick (Noah Guthrie), fails spectacularly as he tries to make it up the rope and Sue is ruthless with her insults. Spencer seems to alternate between feeling bad and feeling disgusted with Roderick’s plight.
But when he sees that Roderick is friends with Spencer’s long-haired crush, Allister (Finneas O’Connell), the football player quickly introduces himself to them both as Roderick’s trainer. He even shows off his biceps in an attempt to woo his Allister. It comes off as obnoxious as it sounds.
Sue walks through the halls with Superintendent Bob Harris (Christopher Cousins) bragging about how much McKinley has improved since she took over as principal. She talks about how before, the students were “dumber than Alabama first graders.” I laugh and then remember that I attended first grade in Alabama. Ha! I love Sue even when she’s burning me.
Sue tells Bob she’s nominated herself for National Principal Of The Year and asks him for a letter of recommendation. He agrees, but on the condition that she do him a mysterious favor.
Suddenly, we see Sue introduce the glee club to Bob’s nephew, Myron Muskovitz (J.J. Totah), who wants the glee club to critique the performance he has planned for his upcoming bar mitzvah. In a flash, baby boy busts out with Destiny Child’s “Lose My Breath” with dancers dressed in gold lame and fringe. It’s the perfect reminder that a bar mitzvah is the ancient celebration of when a young boy finally becomes Beyoncé.
At the end of a flawless performance, Myron practically begs the glee club for criticism because he wants it to be perfect. They grudgingly say the dancers could smile more and he immediately fires them all. At this point, he convinces the glee club to be a his opening act and secures the auditorium for the use of his party.
In the hall, Mason (Billy Lewis Jr.) tries to ask Jane (Samantha Ware) out, but gets totally cock-blocked by his clingy twin sister, Madison (Laura Drefuss). After this, Mason asks Spencer and Roderick for help on how to get his sister out of the way, suggesting Roderick ask her out, but no dice.
Fellow New Directions coaches Will (Matthew Morrison) and Rachel talk and it becomes clear she has no idea who the kids in glee club are because every week she’s been dragging out former members and talking over everyone. Will gently advises her to actually listen to the kids.
Rachel and Will then announce to glee club that they’re performing at the bar mitzvah for Myron. Mason looks to sing with Jane, but again, his sister gets in the way.
Coach Bieste (Dot Jones) destroys some fried chicken in the teacher’s lounge, much to the disgust of everyone watching. Sue is a disaster, as she hasn’t slept in days because she’s been run ragged by little Myron. After Sue smashes a coffee cup in a daze, she tells Sam (Chord Overstreet), Will, Coach Bieste and Rachel that they are now to be Myron’s new backup dancers. To this, Coach Bieste says, “My knees have been shot since my bull ridin’ days.”
Mason finally manages to ask Jane out. She seems into it. Who knew these kids had opinions? Or voices? Not Rachel. In the gymnasium, Spencer yells at Roderick, who’s trying to climb up the rope. Roderick storms off.
Mason tells Roderick and his sister that they’re switching partners for the next performance and Madison completely loses her shit over it. The angry 30-something in line behind them is not having any of it.
Allister brushes past Spencer, who bursts into his version of “Friday I’m In Love” by The Cure. His wooden, awkward dancing is definitely helping to sell the whole “I’m not stereotypically gay” vibe. At the end of the song, Will suggests that Spencer and Roderick sing together. They bicker.
Myron emerges to the stage of his bar mitzvah in a sparkly silver tux to announce the performance of Mason singing Queen‘s “I Want T o Break Free.” He alternates between throwing side-eye at his twin, Madison, and sexy winks at his crush, Jane. All the tween girls at the party rush the stage.
Mason rushes off the stage at the end of his performance to hug Jane. Backstage, Madison gives him a speech about how she’s happy for him and promises to give him more space. But not before she calls Jane a “total stage hog.”
Backstage, Myron is trapped in a “stage pod” suspended from the ceiling. Suddenly, it’s up to Roderick to climb the rope and free the screaming tween. Spencer gives him words of encouragement and Roderick manages to summon the upper body strength to make it to the top. He resets the rope in the pulley and they are finally able to unleash the tiny Jewish demon.
Myron claims to have pooped himself during the ordeal and the glee club is charged with distracting the crowd while he cleans himself up. New Directions launches into a flashy rendition of “Uptown Funk” from Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars with Jane, Roderick and Mason taking center stage. An impromptu breakdancing display even happens on the stage.
Will rehearses the choreography with new backup dancers, Sue, Rachel, Coach Bieste and Sam. Sue is over it and rips into Will. For once, Will fights back and calls her “Suzy Q.” However, when Will suggests they take it “from the top,” Sue throws her body at Will in a full-on attack, wrestling him to the ground. Superintendent Harris pops his head in to see the action and Sue covers by telling him it’s just a dance rehearsal.
Allister plucks on his ukelele in the rehearsal room when Spencer walks in, wearing a big smile and a sparkly blue vest. They flirt and Allister actually says the words, “I like to jam out on my uke sometimes.” If that’s not a invite for sex, then I don’t know what is. Spencer tells him to join glee club and seals the suggestion with a kiss.
For the grand finale on stage, Myron is joined by New Directions to perform Ariana Grande‘s “Break Free.” Rachel finally gets to pull out all the stops during this big show stopper. Myron’s eyebrows are almost as amazing as Sue’s sequined tracksuit and Coach Bieste is absolutely adorable.
Roderick asks Spencer for some dieting tips and thanks him for his support. They talk about Spencer’s upcoming first date with Allister. Myron shows up with Sue to tell Will and Rachel that the demon spawn Myron has been enrolled as a new student and is joining glee club. Yay! And just like that, glee club has two new members. And Kitty has a new ally.
With glee club totaling eight, Sue and Will are now back at war. Sue storms off and I have to say, Sue harassing kids in the hallway in slow motion will never get old for me. She even slaps a girl outright at one point. She leaves McKinley at the end of the day to return to her hurt locker and ponder revenge. If this show ends with her straight-up murdering the glee club, that would be epic.
The final glee club song performance is “Cool Kids” by Echosmith. I think it’s supposed to be ironic, but I’m never sure with this show.