‘Scream Queens’ Recap: Ariana Grande’s Ghost Haunts In ‘Beware Of Young Girls’

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After surviving the previous episode’s bloody slumber party, the girls of Kappa Kappa Tau are still on the hunt for whomever is slaughtering people on campus on Scream Queens, specifically those high-profile Greek life representatives.

Twice during this most recent episode, “Beware Of Young Girls,” a woman is placed behind bars for the mass killings, and both times, the police are dead wrong to think they’ve finally nabbed The Red Devil for good. Also, Ariana Grande returns to speak from the dead with some helpful clues and warnings for those Chanels still left alive.

Chanel Oberlin AKA Chanel No. 1 (Emma Roberts) kicks off Chanel No. 2’s (Ariana Grande) funeral with a bitchy eulogy that sounds much more like an airing of grievances than a fond remembrance. To her credit, No. 1 outfits No. 2’s body in a pale pink casket that No. 2 would die for, if she hadn’t already.

After the funeral, Chanels No. 3 (Billie Lourd), No. 5 (Abigail Breslin) and No. 6 AKA Hester (Lea Michele) come to No. 1’s room to comfort her as she’s sulking. They suggest contacting No. 2 with a Ouija board to lay to rest any unfinished business she left behind.

They are almost immediately in contact with No. 2, who spells out the message, “Chad is cheating on you.” Naturally, No. 1 freaks out and storms off.

At Gigi’s (Nasim Pedrad) apartment, she chaotically cooks in preparation of a romantic dinner with her boyfriend, Wes Gardner AKA Grace’s dad (Oliver Hudson). Her phone rings and she talks with who are obviously her fellow Red Devil murderers.

Gigi cautions whoever is on the phone, “We are not kidnappers, we are murderers.” She alludes to a years-long plan for revenge and murder before she’s interrupted by Wes’ arrival.

Grace (Skyler Samuels) shops with Gigi to presumably bring her into modern-day fashion as well as to pump her for information about whether or not her dad’s still mad at her. Gigi replies that he’s not angry, just concerned for her safety.

Gigi takes this opportunity of girlfriend/daughter bonding to turn the talk to Grace’s journalist boyfriend Pete (Diego Boneta) and his investigation into the murders. She hints that they should look into expelled Kappa sister, Feather McCarthy (Tavi Gevinson) as well as Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis).

Feather is eager to chat with Pete and Grace about her affair with Dr. Steve Munsch (Philip Casnoff ), her Beatles 101 professor. After becoming romantically involved, they told Dean Munsch, who (deservedly, I might add) loses her shit. She kicked him out and he subsequently moved into the Kappa house with Feather.

Feather then explains how Dean Munsch would show up dressed just like her and eventually got Feather kicked off campus. After the divorce, Feather moved in with Steve, and one night someone sneaked into the house and tried to kill her while she was taking a bath. After her chat with Grace and Pete, Feather arrives back at home to find Steven’s severed head floating in the aquarium.

Chanel storms into Chad’s bedroom to find him cuddling a goat. He denies cheating and confesses that he’s lactose intolerant and needs goat’s milk and that’s why he and the goat were getting snuggly. It’s all very weird and at this point, I prefer not to imagine what kind of weird sexual abuse trauma created his character.

Dean Munsch talks to Detective Chisholm (Jim Klock). After an awkward exchange in which we learn they’ve been boinking, he arrests her for her ex-husband’s murder takes her away in a straitjacket.

Pete and Grace feel content that the cops have the serial killer, Dean Munsch, behind bars and attribute all the murders to her. This, of course, calls for a murder-solving makeout sesh, which is unfortunately interrupted by an unknown caller on Grace’s phone. It’s Dean Munsch calling from a mental hospital. What?

At an old-timey mental hospital from the Victorian era, Dean Munsch sketches as she chats with Pete and Grace about how she believes Feather is the killer. She tells Grace to look into Feather in exchange for information about the bathtub baby.

Before Pete and Grace leave, Dean Munsch makes sure they see her explaining to a nurse that she can’t eat deli meats or she’ll go into anaphylactic shock. They also run into a weird patient who has painted them both on a canvas, which she hands to them on their way out of the hospital.

Back at the Kappa house, Grace and Pete review crime scene photos. They see a half-eaten bologna sandwich covered in bloody fingerprints and come to the conclusion that Dean Munsch didn’t kill her husband. They decide to get Feather’s toothbrush to test the DNA against that of the killer’s.

The Chanels regather for another Ouija board sesh to chat with Chanel No. 2. After some dillydallying, No. 1 asks, “Who’s killing everybody?” No. 2’s ghost points to Chanel No. 1. The three other Chanels freak out and meet in the bathroom, where No. 6 says they have to kill her to stop her.

They brainstorm how to kill her but can’t come to a consensus. Chanel No. 1 takes her Prunex liquid laxative and falls asleep. The other Chanels resolve to kill her in her sleep that night.

As a ghost, Chanel no. 2 appears to a sleeping No. 1 to apologize for having sex with Chad. She also tells No. 1 of the murder plot against her and tells her to be a leader.

Pete and Grace break in to steal Feather’s toothbrush, which turns out to be a perfect DNA match to the person who bit into the sandwich. Dean Munsch is releases as soon as Feather is arrested. Something about Feather being obsessed with bologna and lunch meat makes this super incriminating.

Grace corners Munsch for bathtub baby information, but Munsch puts her off till next week.

Chanel No. 1 sits the other three Chanels down to let them know she’s aware they wanted to kill her. They immediately fold and tell her they couldn’t decide how to do it and apologize immediately. She got them presents to buy back their friendship, ostensibly, of Nancy Drew hats and magnifying glasses to find the real killers, who No.1 says are Grace and Zayday (Keke Palmer).

Dean Munsch listens to “Beware Of Young Girls” by Dory Previn while drinking wine and dancing seductively by herself. She admits in a voiceover that she killed her husband and that she concocted her bologna plot years ago to pin murder on Feather.

Flimsy as it may be, apparently, this plot worked because the episode closes with a distraught Feather behind bars. Sounds like a bunch of baloney to me, but what do I know?