Zayn Malik Admits He Didn’t Write His One Direction Exit Statement

Zayn Malik just exposed the pop music industry as an empty money-making endeavor run by a bunch of heartless executives. He did this by admitting to The Evening Standard that he didn’t actually write his One Direction departure statement, which was published last March and immediately tattooed onto this writer’s ribcage.

“My life with One Direction has been more than I could ever have imagined. But, after five years, I feel like it is now the right time for me to leave the band,” he *air-quotes* wrote. “I’d like to apologise to the fans if I’ve let anyone down, but I have to do what feels right in my heart. I am leaving because I want to be a normal 22-year-old who is able to relax and have some private time out of the spotlight. I know I have four friends for life in Louis, Liam, Harry and Niall. I know they will continue to be the best band in the world.”

But Zayn dropped the sick charade in a new interview with the Standard. After having that 1D exit note read back to him, he responded, “I’m going to ask you a question now — do you think I wrote that? Like, look how it’s worded. I’m not a 35-year-old lawyer. I don’t write like that.”

To recap: a thing a boy band member did was orchestrated by a some old men in suits.