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the hell is going on here

Fat Joe Reviews the Helio Ocean


In Brief

FROM DEADSPIN.COM:

The 7 best fat kids in sports movies. Persuasive thesis: "Every single group of people needs a fat kid or guy in it." [Joe Sports Fan]


The low first-week sales totals of Fat Joe's Elephant In The Room can mean only one thing: 50 Cent finally has someone to razz about crummy SoundScan numbers. [XXL]

Fat Joe has decided to drop his Diddy Sean John-assisted cover of Eddie Murphy's "Party All The Time" from his forthcoming album, no doubt because he realized that you just don't mess with success. [MTV; HT Al Shipley]

mp3

Leak Of The Day: Fat Joe Senses A Change In The Weather

Notes from a Different Kitchen has the new remix of Fat Joe's "Make It Rain," featuring guest turns from R. Kelly, Lil Wayne, T.I., Rick Ross and Baby. It's ripped from YouTube, but we'll give our no-rips policy a rest on this one, because it actually doesn't sound that bad, and because Kelly references both "Roxanne" and a Damon Wayans movie in the first minute. More »

def jam: icon

Fat Joe Talks Def Jam

FROM KOTAKU.COM:

I had a chance to speak with rapper Fat Joe over the phone during his recent publicity stop in Atlanta to promote upcoming brawler Def Jam: Icon.

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tv

Joe Shlemiel

FROM GAWKER.COM:

Perhaps the first reality show with a little reality, "Average Joe" pits one female former cheerleader against 16 normal guys. The Daily News writes: "'The casting was a little complicated,' said executive producer Stuart Krasnow. 'Part of our show was wanting to find guys who didn't look like - how do I say this politically correct? - who weren't hot guys.'

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vows

Rapper Papoose To Marry Remy Ma in Jail, Punch Fat Joe in the Face (Again)


Papoose, vocally reminiscent of Jay-Z and physically reminiscent of an emaciated Panthro, swears he will marry troubled rapper Remy Ma, despite her assault conviction last Thursday, which could potentially put her in jail for the next 25 years. "We always wanted to keep our personal lives personal, so that's why we never went public with our relationship," said Papoose. "Right now, I just feel like she gotta live through me. Yes, we were scheduled to be married on a yacht April 27th. But due to circumstances beyond our control, we are now making arrangements to be married in prison." if this wasn't enough chaos, Papoose is still dealing with the fallout of punching Fat Joe in the face. Something the rapper, whose long-delayed debut album has yet to be released, is willing to do again. More »

wtf

FROM GAWKER.COM:


There is now a Christmas video by all-bear, all-Dutch pop outfit BearForce1. It is remarkably remarkable. Also? They are getting thinner and thinner. Stupid bears can't even stay fat anymore! [via Joe. My. God.]


clips

Videodrone: Fat Joe Combines Several Of Our Obsessions At Once

At this point, you probably think that any new clip featuring Lil Wayne, R. Kelly, or T.I. automatically gets our attention—and, to be honest, you're pretty much spot-on. But what are we supposed to do when confronted by a video in which Kels lounges around a blindingly white money-bed, and where T.I. hangs around Wall Street with a suitcase that just happens to be overflowing with cash, and where that hook keeps looping for infinity? We're only human, people. More »

day note

Day Note: I Feel Sick

FROM KOTAKU.COM:

From: Crecente
To: Ashcraft
Subject: Uuuugh.

My wife and son spent the day making Valentine's Day cookies and then left the house for quite awhile. When I went into the kitchen I discovered: Three cookie sheets filled with cookies, a pot half-filled with melted chocolate, and four boxes of recently delivered Girl Scout Cookies. I thought: Lunch! I don't feel so good.

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to do

To Do: Get Chastened, Get Fat, Or Galifianakis

FROM GAWKER.COM:

  • Two days ago, Dawn Eden scared several of you via YouTube. Today she shares her chastening thoughts with the untouched masses live and in the flesh. [Borders]
  • Crumbs attempts to knock Magnolia off its throne. For one day only their Village location is offering free miniature cupcakes until midnight. [NYMag]
  • The self-proclaimed "funniest publication in the United States" puts the self-proclaimed "funniest comedians in New York" on one stage at the same time. Free tickets to anyone who can pronounce Zach Galifianakis. (Not really). [Joe's Pub]

  • More »

    mp3

    Ending On A Good Note: Tuesday's MP3 Roundup

    PICK TO CLICK: Fat Joe feat. R. Kelly, Lil' Wayne, T.I., Rick Ross & Baby - Make It Rain (Remix) [more info]
    Beauty Pill - Lifeguard In Wintertime [more info]
    Miles - Pretty Day / Sonic 3000 / We Need More Closeups [more info]

    jon lieber? is that you?

    Surprisingly, Alcohol May Have Been Involved

    FROM DEADSPIN.COM:


    If it wasn't for those screens in the outfield at Wrigley, fat drunken Cubs fans would be flopping onto the warning track like tuna on the deck of a Japanese fishing boat. "We caught another one, Lou!" I loved it when they used the gaffe hook to haul him back in.

    More »

    joe epstein

    Russ & Daughters

    FROM GAWKER.COM:

    Joe Epstein of the Times Magazine profiles the Lower East Side shrine to smoked fish. Here's some trivia to impress your friends at Sunday brunch. Nova Scotia indicates only the method of preparation of smoked salmon: the best New York Nova is caught in the Pacific or Baltic, and made in Brooklyn. New herring is caught in late spring in Holland; the day of its arrival is a sacred solstice to a fishmonger. And fat herring, eated directly from the brine, is known as schmaltz.
    Lox, Stock and Barrels [NYT Magazine]
    Russ & Daughters


    stalker

    Daily Gawker Stalker: Al Pacino for All Your Housekeeping Needs

    FROM GAWKER.COM:

    Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

    More »

    making it rain

    This Should Just About End The 'Making It Rain' Fad

    FROM DEADSPIN.COM:

    Clay Travis of Sportsline's SPiN on Sports is really embracing the "Making it Rain" phenomenon ... so much so that he's spread the act to his dad and to the hoes at Home Depot. I think this is exactly what Fat Joe had in mind when he recorded the song.

    More »

    suggested chat questions

    We Have To Ask ...

    FROM DEADSPIN.COM:

    Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
    11:15 a.m. Baseball with Joe Morgan: I'm having trouble sleeping; could you explain the strike zone one more time?
    2 p.m. NASCAR with Terry Blount: What would Jesus endorse?
    4 p.m. Pro Football Weekly: Warren Sapp's fat ... where did it go?


    leftovers

    Leftovers: Yeah, Fire The Bum

    FROM DEADSPIN.COM:

    • Joe Girardi, obviously a horrible manager who deserved to be fired. [ABC News]
    • Pete Rose is fat. There, we said it. [Fox Sports]
    • Brett Favre is Cal Ripken, that's all. [Awful Announcing]
    • This Illini locker room celebration after their victory made us very happy ... [CSTV]
    • ... but this news about an Illini shooting guard getting a DUI did not. [Mark Tupper Blog]


    videodrone

    DJ Khaled Convenes (Another) Battle Royale Of Sheer Annoyingness


    It has come to our attention that DJ Khaled is screaming over giant, Jeep-ready beats that have lots of names and almost nothing else of any merit going for them. Again. Now and, apparently, forever, but instead of "We Takin' Over" the name of the new album is We Global Now, continuing the least talented man in hip-hop's impressive streak of meaningless megalomania. Oh wait—"forever" is just how long it feels like listening to this clown wrench the words "We the best!" over and over again. It's hard to decide what the worst part of this video is: Akon declaring, "I'm-a stay me" (must you?) or the fact that Fat Joe keeps popping up in the clip despite not having a single verse in the song. Does this make him the Jon Lovitz of rap videos? [OnSmash]

    liner notes

    Liner Notes: Eminem Prepares For New Role As Wacky Landlord

    - Eminem is negotiating to buy Detroit's legendary St. Andrew's Hall, which he'll use as a storage space for his collection of more than 1,200 vintage hooded sweatshirts. [NME]
    - Bob Dylan will kick off a summer tour in Atlantic City in June. The 22-date jaunt has already been described as "revitalizing" and "the best tour of his career" by Rolling Stone. [Billboard]
    - Fat Joe on the whether the Imus controversy will prompt criticism of hip-hop: "I don't know how a 60-year-old white dude has any relation to hip-hop music." M.C. Rove is not gonna like this! [MTV]

    prince

    The Super Bowl Halftime Show: Prince Shows Fat Joe And Co. How To Really Make It Rain

    Surely we weren't the only people who wished that Prince's straight-up incredible halftime show last night would have been extended by, oh, another two hours or so. (Game? What game?) The feedback-filled guitar freakout, the downpour-enhanced danger, "Baby I'm A Star"—it was even better than we could have imagined, even without the Billy Graham cameo. More »

    news

    Cadillac Seeks Street Cred, Creates YouTube Channel

    FROM JALOPNIK.COM:

    Looks like the luxe brand at the General's looking to gain some street cred by enlisting help from the wonderful world of web 2.0. They've enlisted the marketing mavens at Modernista! to create some kind of pseudo-YouTube channel and custom website to highlight their attempt to use the new CTS (photo gallery below) to bring Caddy to the masses. Will it work? Despite hiring Joan Jett (in front of CBGB, even!), Tiki Barber, Travis Barker and Fat Joe, we're going to have to go with "probably not." But bully for Caddy on the attempt!

    More »

    media

    Media Bubble: Llonely Lloyd

    FROM GAWKER.COM:

    · Lloyd Grove — who easily made it into the top 20 on NY Press's Most Loathed New Yorkers list this week — won't discuss the circulating rumors that he's been left by long-time lover Amy Holmes. (Holmes, incidentally, should not be confused with A.M. "Amy" Homes, the author and alleged woman-lover.) We hear that Lloyd's being left by his assistant in gossip, too, one Elisa Lipsky-Karasz. [Richard Leiby]
    · Two more Omnimedia staffers abandon Martha for less troubled publications. [Keith Kelly]
    · Editor-in-chief Joe Dolce explains the ethos of the Star: "If we were a tabloid, we would have just done, 'Look at how fat Kirstie Alley is,'" Dolce said. "Instead, we found friends trying to help her, we talked about this is what led to her problem, this is how she s trying to solve it. We added a level of depth. We could have just said, She s a fat pig.'" Keep telling yourself that, Joe. [AP]


    she lets her hair down

    Diddy's Latest Sample: Genius Or Horrifying?


    Diddy's long history of plundering the most obvious pop hits from years past is apparently continuing, as MTV reports that he's working with Fat Joe on a song based around Eddie Murphy's "Party All The Time." When I told Jess about this news, he just typed "no." over and over again into his IM window—even though the prospect of a Ma$e remix is high! But his reaction prompted me to let all of you know something: I don't think "Party All The Time," which was a Z100 staple back in the station's earliest days, is all that bad. Sure, Eddie Murphy can't really sing and the whole song sounds like it's been coated in an inch-thick layer of blow, but Murphy's crap voice makes it sort of fun (and easy!) to sing along with. Not to mention that Ted Leo covered it on the street and it made him more money than any other song from Blender's worst-songs-ever list. So I throw it to you, readers: Is "Party All The Time" a secret smash, or does it deserve to be swept into history's dustbin? Poll after the jump. More »

    mp3

    The Soundtrack of Our Lives: "Grindhouse" Reminds Us of the Smooveness of Joe Tex

    Sure, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's geek-fest ode to crappy quality, sticky-floored shlock was a bomb at movie theaters, but it's been a hit on our iPods—particuarly the soundtrack to Tarantino's half, Death Proof. Those who stuck around long enough for the film's closing-credits sequence have no doubt already bubble-gum popped their eardrums out with April March's "Chick Habit"; but the real musical highlight comes courtesy of our man Joe Tex, an underrated Southern soul singer if ever there was one. Before he joined the Nation of Islam and when he wasn't clowning around on late career tracks like "Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)" or laying down the spoken-word, storytelling bricks that would later influence rap, he was pumping out sublime late 60's slow dancers like "The Love You Save (May Be Your Own)." Smooth ain't the word. More »

    gnarls barkley

    Gnarls Barkley: Crazy For Oversized Condoms, Twizzlers


    The Smoking Gun has posted Gnarls Barkley's tour rider, and along with the usual backstage accoutrements—Jack Daniels, blunts, and a "Gag of Twizzlers," whatever that is—there's a request for a pack of Magnum extra-big condoms. This out-jimmies similar requests from 50 Cent and Busta Rhymes (both of whom merely required regular Rough Riders) and Fat Joe (who requires extra-big condiments). The duo also asked for 22 hotel rooms, which are likely used to house their numerous goofy outfits. More »

    stalker

    Daily Gawker Stalker: Culkin, Portman Share Child Star Horror Stories

    FROM GAWKER.COM:

    Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Maps. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.

    More »

    stalker

    Daily Gawker Stalker: Julianna Margulies' Bag Way Cute; Outfit Leaves Something to be Desired

    FROM GAWKER.COM:

    Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

    More »

    baseball

    David Wright Needs Your Help In Choosing A New Theme So

    FROM DEADSPIN.COM:

    In case you haven't heard, David Wright is retiring his theme music: the Beastie Boys' Brass Monkey, which blared over the Shea Stadium loudspeakers each time he stepped to the plate last season. According to New York Mets Blog, Wright is looking for a new tune, and he needs your help. The Mets' season may depend on it!

    More »