HP's blitz for this campaign is pretty huge—last night I saw what had to be a 30-foot video ad devoted to Gwen and her cutout charges in Times Square—but this whole campaign feels really misguided, if only because in The Year Of Live Earth Making People Care About The Planet (Kind Of), wasting paper on things like making the perfect Harajuku Girl version of yourself, instead of just posting it to your Flickr or MySpace page, seems just a tad crazily narcissistic. I'm just looking forward to the next phase of HP's campaign, which will include Chik-Fil-A style ads where overloaded Web 2.0 server farms hold up signs saying "WASTE MORE PAPER."

Gwen Stefani for you [hp.com]

"YouTube is a stream of marketing and promoting. It can have a huge benefit or be damaging. I love the concept, it's benefited me immensely."

This is, of course, in reference to the mass-forwarded video clip where Akon took a page from Next and got a little too close with a 14-year-old fan. And don't forget the one where he flung a another guy who presumably paid to see him offstage like a sack of potatoes. Wait, embarrassing videos posted online? Suddenly the identification with Pete Wentz makes so much more sense.

Akon To Work With Fall Out Boy? [NME]

I even liked Gwen's first solo album for what it was - a perfectly plastic homage to a plastic pop era, the one in which we both came of age. But I could tell I had ruffled Gwen's feathers when we spoke before the disc came out. It was the first time I took her to task for disingenuousness - for being ungodly rich yet still singing, "If I were a rich girl ... ."

"What do you mean by that?" she snapped. I said the song could be seen as absurd, even untrue. She explained its lyrics were about when she was just an Orange County girl - ah, that troubling phrase! - dreaming of such wealth.

Fair enough.

But then came "The Sweet Escape" - specifically, the song "Orange County Girl," in which Gwen, who now lives with husband Gavin Rossdale and son, Kingston, in London, had the gall to downplay her calculated popularity, her fame and fortune, and claim to be "just an Orange County girl living in an extraordinary world."

I found the notion offensive.

"At this point," I wrote, "sharing her time between L.A. and London while posting a reported $90 million via her clothing lines and selling 7 million copies of 'Love.Angel.Music.Baby,' she's no more 'just an Orange County girl' than Best Buy is just a shack that sells Commodore 64s."

To act as such - to still be drawing upon O.C. roots when you've largely left this place behind - is sickeningly phony. And to do about-faces regarding the future of No Doubt - this solo thing, initially just "a lark," could easily eclipse her past - well, I found that frustrating on behalf of disgruntled fans everywhere fed up with her bland pop ways.

If you think I was harsh, you're not alone; my wife and closest colleagues agree. "You got personal, dude," Desert Jeff told me after rereading it.

Sure, playing up her abandonment of her Orange County roots can be construed as "personal," but you have to imagine that a local paper's critic is going to at least play up any local angle he can find. Aside from an odd aside about Stefani's son, Kingston, getting into death metal solely to spite his mother, we didn't find the review too much more vitriolic than the pans it received in other outlets—if we were Gwen, we'd be a little more steamed at the New York Times' Jon Pareles, who accused her of "playing catchup with Fergie" on Escape. So what's going on here? Is there an incident that Wener isn't mentioning that set Stefani off? Or did she know that her show is a lemon, and that Wener wouldn't be fooled by her respiratory system's attempts to keep up with her songs?

Pop Life: A critic gets locked out [OC Register, via The Rap Up]

DUELING DONNAS: Melinda and Lakisha both took on Donna Summer, with Melinda belting her way through "Heaven Knows" and Lakisha taking on "Last Dance." Someone must have it in for Lakisha, because who puts "Last Dance" at the beginning of a show? We half-expected the lights to go on and a DJ to say "Thanks for coming" midway through her performance. ADVANTAGE: Melinda. (Of course.)

FOX PROMO DEPARTMENT VS. UNSANCTIONED PRODUCT PLACEMENT: Lakisha's co-workers brought signs branded with the name of their business, throwing the camera crew into a tizzy. Did they show that she'd brought people from home to support her or snub them because their sponsor hadn't ponied up Coca Cola-sized lumps of cash? In the end, her friends got a few seconds of camera time thrown their way—just enough to up that Q rating for their employer. Earn that bonus! ADVANTAGE: Provident Bank, although they're missing a prime opportunity by not having some sort of Idolpromo on their homepage.

POLICE STANDOFF: Chris Sligh and Phil picked songs by Sting and company, with Chris racing the band during "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" and Phil performing "Every Breath You Take" surprisingly well. "Every Little Thing" was just not a good choice for Chris—you could see the song running away from him as he tried to fix the disparity between his tempo and the band's. His haircut looked good, though. ADVANTAGE: Phil (!).

THE BIG BALLADS SLUG IT OUT: Gina and Haley went for the heartstrings, with Gina pretty much nailing the Pretenders' "I'll Stand By You" and Haley, in another micro-bottom, performing "True Colors" in a style that was more about vocally showing off than actually, you know, interpreting the song. ADVANTAGE: Gina, although we have to wonder if she'll shine as much next week, since we doubt whoever's hosting will be as high in her pantheon of personal heroes.

THE RACE TO IMPRESS THE TEACHER: Gwen Stefani seemed pretty much unimpressed by everyone except Melinda, and we were wondering how full-bodied her inner cringe was when she found out that Chris Richardson and Jordin had selected No Doubt songs that didn't really play to their strengths. Jordin sang "Hey Baby" and was almost sunk by the backing band—the backup singers sounded absolutely terrible, and the band's complete silence during the lower-end-of-the-range verses made us (and, we're guessing, the also-silent audience) feel terribly awkward. Still, it was at least watchable, unike Chris' take on "Don't Speak," which was so boring all we wrote down was "Meh." ADVANTAGE: Jordin (for effort).

PAULA VS. ANYONE WHO'S EVER BEEN SUBJECTED TO 311 IN A PUBLIC SETTING: First things first: Blake didn't beatbox. Hooray. But can someone sit the judges down and force them to listen to the 311 catalog—or at least, one of the band's songs—before next week's episode? We know that Paula is besotted with Blake, but calling his watery cover of 311's cover of the Cure's "Love Song" "modern" indicates that she must have completely blacked out during 2004. ADVANTAGE: 311, since they're getting more exposure than ever.

SANJAYA VS. OUR WILL TO LIVE: He made Gwen Stefani effectively throw up her hands. He forgot a few words of "Bathwater." He restyled his hair again. (Look for the Idol-branded Sanjaya Styling Head to hit stores by Christmas.) He got sassy with Simon. But you know what? After all these weeks of willing him to be voted off, we, too, have realized that we are powerless against what is essentially a series of televised performance art reminiscent of Puck's run on The Real World, except this time, he's live, and he probably isn't as self-aware as Puck was. Also: His hair gimmick is a lot more tolerable than Haley's hemline-slashing and Blake's incessant invocations of you-know-who. ADVANTAGE: Sanjaya.

As far as who's going home: Chris Sligh or Haley. Chris' performance was just a bungle, and the fact that he admitted as much probably sunk his ship; Haley's all-gloss, no-feeling version of "True Colors" was bad enough, but even worse was her outfit, which was proof that she'd realized the only thing keeping her alive last week was her willingness to show some skin.

Tonight: Gwen takes the Idol stage with Akon! We hope the camera cuts to Simon at least once during her performance, because we want to see if he'll be rolling his eyes, too.

American Idol [americanidol.com]
Earlier: Idolator's American Idolatry archives

"Sanjaya Malakar - He wanted to sing "Spoiler". She tried to get him to sing some 80's song. He said he was a big fan and he really wanted to do one of her songs. Gwen was upfront with him and told him she didn't think he could pull it off but gave him the benefit of the doubt. Today after seeing how rehearsals were going, she didnt' see any progress. She went to Nigel immediately and told him she does not want Sanjaya singing one of her songs whatsoever. Sanjaya didn't have many options at that point. He kind of got stuck with "Spoiler". This caused a big scene at the studio and was the talk all afternoon."

In case you were racking your brain about which No Doubt B-side "Spoiler" might be, don't—the Idol boards don't post forthcoming song titles. But if you want to find out just how, exactly, Gwen's going to be tortured this evening, after the jump, we have what reality rant claims is a partial list of songs for tonight. If you don't want to be spoiled, don't click.

Blake Lewis - "Love Song" by the Cure
Chris Richardson - "Don't Speak" by No Doubt
Chris Sligh - "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" by the Police
Gina Glocksen - Pretenders ballad
Haley Scarnato - "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper
Jordin Sparks - "Hey Baby" by No Doubt
Lakisha Jones - Donna Summers song
Melinda Doolittle - Donna Summers song
Phil Stacey - "Every Breath You Take" by the Police
Sanjaya Malakar - "Bathwater" by No Doubt

Well, at least Gwen can take heart in the fact that "Bathwater" probably won't be the worst performance of the evening. After all, it's pretty obvious that Blake is going to beatbox and mug his way through the 311 version of the Cure song, thus making us want to beatbox and mug our way out the nearest window.

UPDATE: Dlisted has a slightly different song order:

Blake Lewis - "Love Song" by the Cure
Chris Richardson - "Don't Speak" by No Doubt
Chris Sligh - "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" by the Police
Gina Glocksen - "Just Like a Pill" by Pink
Haley Scarnato - "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper
Jordin Sparks - "Hey Baby" by No Doubt
Lakisha Jones - "Love Has a Mind of Its Own" by Donna Summer
Melinda Doolittle - "Sunset People" by Donna Summer
Phil Stacey - "Every Breath You Take" by the Police
Sanjaya Malakar - "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5

Poor Maroon 5—after they got all that love today, this is the thanks they get?

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Looks like that Dlisted list is off—Lakisha did "Last Dance," and Gina sang the rumored Pretenders ballad. But Sanjaya is up next! The plot thickens!

THE FINAL UPDATE: Oh, man.

Simon Cowell, the bloody awful teenage rebel: an American Idol 6 thread [I Love Everything]
american midol [reality rant]

An article from today's New York Times looks at music videos' experimentation with 3-D:

A little past the two-minute mark, the music video for Gwen Stefani's recent single, "Wind It Up," finds her chained to a fence while a flurry of bubbles and snowflakes float by. Viewed from a certain perspective — that is, through 3-D glasses — it is a dreamlike moment in which the flurry seems close enough to touch.

The video begins with Ms. Stefani yodeling, a homage to "The Sound of Music," one of the her favorite films. But the idea of adding the bubbles and snow came from an unlikely source: James Cameron, the director behind effects-laden hits like "The Terminator" and "Titanic," who visited Ms. Stefani's set last October and shot a separate version of the video with 3-D equipment.

"I had mentioned to the director that any kind of atmospheric effects like snow or rain usually play in 3-D," Mr. Cameron recalled.

While "Wind It Up" was not initially planned as a 3-D video, Ms. Stefani probably won't be the last recording artist to follow Mr. Cameron's lead.

We rewatched the "Wind It Up" video with this bit of effects trickery in mind, and while it still didn't make much sense to us, we sort of understood why the bubbles/snow scene was there. One thought kept popping into our heads: Doesn't this seem like a lot of money to be spent on a video that, at this point, will probably only be watched via YouTube? Sure, the article goes on to say that the videos' 3-D effects will be seen in "specially equipped theaters," and that luring people into theaters to see them is basically an attempt to find a brand-new revenue stream for the ailing music industry. (Concert films were also mentioned as possible targets for the 3-D treatment.) But will it work? We highly doubt it—unless Cameron can somehow convince Panic! At The Disco to recreate Revenge Of The Creature for their next suite of videos.

A Comeback in 3-D, but Without Those Flimsy Glasses [NYT]
Gwen Stefani "Wind It Up" Video [YouTube]

[Photo: AP; Spotted at Pollstar]

Spandexed jailhouse fashions. Gold-plated barbells and buildings. A convenience store and a police department that share Gwen Stefani's "double-g, but not Gucci" branding. A song that sounds like it was shelved in 1991 after being written for Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat. Is the video for "The Sweet Escape" really Gwen's shrewd way of telling the world that she has way too much cash, and she has no idea what to do with herself anymore?

Gwen Stefani Ft.Akon - Sweet Escape (World Premiere) [YouTube, via Popbytes]

Gwen Stefani feat. Pharrell - Yummy [MP3, link removed]

Gwen Stefani - Wind It Up [MP3, link removed; via Discobelle]

Gwen Stefani - Wind It Up [MP3, link removed; via Discobelle]