7:46 p.m. A Carson Daly-hosted break during America's Next Top Model reveals that Times Square is actually crowded! Well, actually, it's not that crowded; half the crowd was just forced to stand in front of the Foot Locker across the street from 1515 Broadway so as to give the illusion of a New Year's Eve-like (or even Obama win-esque) atmosphere.

7:51 p.m. Speaking of outside, apparently Fall Out Boy's performance will be out in the Times Square chill. Any NYC Idolator readers want to head down there? (I'd go, but I'm pretty ensconsed up here on the Official Liveblogging Couch Of Late 2008, which, in case you're wondering, is green and could probably fit three people. But I'm all alone, aw. Oh well, more egg nog for me!)

7:54 p.m. Has anyone ever commented on the anti-grammatical stance of Tyra Banks on ANTM? "You're still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model?" It just sounds so nightmarish to me, even layered over the Siobhan Donaghy record (which I am listening to in order to steel myself for the next three hours).

7:59 p.m. This eliminated girl's clavicles could cut hair.

8:00 p.m. Aw, Carson Daly looked so pinchable in the old days. You know, when Times Square was all edgy and stuff?

8:01 p.m. I guess the show is opening with a countdown of top 10 TRL moments? And one of them includes... Britney performing "Me Against The Music." And another is Stevie Wonder freestyling on the harmonica? This is very strange.

8:02 p.m. Beyonce is No. 1. Well, I guess we're setting a "TRL's countdown never meant anything anyway" pattern early....

8:02 p.m. Ah, and of course, Beyonce is No. 1 because she's the guest with the closest album-release date. But why is she not doing "Single Ladies"? This is the same error she made on last night's SNL and on her album—leading with the balladry. It's never a good idea. Every hard rock band in the late '80s/early '90s knew this, B.

8:04 p.m. This song is OK. But it works better in a "brooding in one's room" context than a "surrounded by freaking-out teenagers and people who were teenagers around the time of TRL's debut" context. Although I will say that her band is pretty great.

8:05 p.m. And now "Single Ladies." Alas, Sasha Fierce's Krugerhand does not spontaneously generate when the two booty dancers show up.

8:06 p.m. Hey MTV director, chill out and just show the dancers, will you? Fosse-biting aside, this dance is one of the best bits of choreography we're likely to see on a mass level in 2008.

8:07 p.m. This song is so, so good. Straight up.

8:08 p.m. And on to "Crazy In Love," with a piped-in Jay-Z! But Beyonce is dancing her ass off and the MTV directors just can't. Stop. Cutting. I could make a really crass self-mutilation joke here but I won't. (I have to save something big for the last half-hour, right?)

8:09 p.m. Sway's intro of Damien Fahey and Carson Daly just repeated itself before stopping, and now neither of the hosts microphones are on... Oh, this is kind of a mess already. So, um, who's in the Sky Suite, guys?

8:10 p.m. Carson is waxing philosophical about how TRL is for the people. I guess "the people" includes "the label-employed street teams," at least on an abstract level.

8:12 p.m. There are a lot of A-listers backstage, you guys! And a countdown of "10 videos that defined music videos and pop culture." Because if there's one thing that American music needs more of, it's lists! Here's No. 10 while Carson and Damien bro-hug: "Hey Ya!"

10. OutKast, "Hey Ya!"

8:13 p.m. "Importance" doesn't mean that the whole video will be played and won't be talked over, just FYI.

8:14 p.m. Overexposure at every public place in the early part of this decade aside, this song still owns. Hey, here are two of the chick VJs with Taylor Swift!

8:15 p.m. Taylor Swift has appointed herself Official Annoying Person Who Forces Everyone To Sign Her Yearbook of the TRL finale.

8:16 p.m. Thanks, Carson Daly, for reminding me once again that I'm old. Oh, but wait, the Backstreet Boys are too! Hooray.

8:17 p.m. The minute-by-minute breakdown of what's coming up sure makes it easy for me to time bathroom breaks. (Also, it's so bad local news—did TRL come up with this practice?)

8:19 p.m. This Drew Barrymore mascara ad is reminding me of this crazy eyelash-decoration technique that I saw in the new issue of Elle earlier today while I was getting my hair done (NB haircuts are the only time I read "girl" magazines, because I inevitably run out of stuff to read). It involved—wait for it—turning the mascara wand to a 90-degree angle and forcing your eyelashes to clump together in points. It was an homage to Antonioni's Blow Up. No, really. Who says fashion can't be about culture?

8:22 p.m. BREAKING: MILEY CYRUS ISN'T DEAD. SHE'S IN THE TRL PHOTOBOOTH. And making that dumb cheeks-sucked-in face.

8:22 p.m. And, um, here's Travis Barker in his first post-plane-crash interview. (That's kind of a weird coincidence, no?) He's playing his drums again, which is nice.

8:23 p.m. I wonder if the people outside Foot Locker can hear Travis? I wonder if anyone has bought anything at Foot Locker?

8:24 p.m. Hey it's No. 9! This one's for Kate!

9. Blink-182, "What's My Age Again"

8:25 p.m. Diddy's Greatest Moments = Bathroom Breaks' Greatest Opportunities?

8:26 p.m. Ah, the days of the World Premiere Video. I got sort of nostalgic the other day when catching that Matthew Sweet clip that incorporated the world premiere of "Ugly Truth Rock," remembering all the times I'd set the VCR for post-drama club watching.

8:28 p.m. Diddy is crying. Or acting-crying. He is also wearing a leather coat that seems to have been excavated from Wilson's Leather ca. 1993.

8:29 p.m. One thing's for sure: MySpace Music is getting a lot of free ad time tonight.

8:30 p.m. Carson Daly: "There's so much more show." Yes. Yes, there is.

8:31 p.m. "A-Punk" selling Paris Hilton? I guess there have been weirder culture clashes this year. Maybe. Ah, whatever, they're all rich, right?

8:35 p.m. Ben Stiller's whole "I'm an arrogant asshole" schtick works a lot better when it's couched in a Bono impersonation.

8:36 p.m. Carson is taking us into the guts of the MTV studios! Lots of running around is ensuing. Since everyone's being self-indulgent, I will take a moment to let you all know that I have had my makeup done in one of these rooms. (I know, right?)

8:37 p.m. Vanessa Minillo is wearing a dress that looks to be fashioned from old American flags. And La La is there, too! Wow, they really brought out the big guns for tonight.

8:38 p.m. I don't know about you, but I don't remember "Yeah!" because of its lyrics.

8. Usher ft. Ludacris and Lil Jon, "Yeah!"

8:40 p.m. YAY IT'S DAVE HOLMES AND JESSE CAMP

8:40 p.m. Jesse is sad that he didn't get to serve as one of Sasha Fierce's backup dancers, and I think that's a sentiment that we all can agree on.

8:41 p.m. Ah, 1998: When one geek's capacity to wreak havoc on the Internet for the purpose of bringing the lulz was still relatively unplumbed.

8:42 p.m. One thing about tonight: It's really kind of tame compared to other MTV bacchanalia. Everyone is very reverent. Christina Aguilera is talking about "thank[ing] God for the start of many things." She is via satellite, but still, it's all kind of... sedate? Maybe it's the cultural moment seeping in.

8:44 p.m. "Amazing," "energy," "bask in it." Blah blah blah.

8:47 p.m. Really hating these Secret ads about BO ruining the mood on a wedding night. I'm sure there are like 5,000 other things leading up to that moment that could be dealbreakers, for serious.

8:49 p.m. Vampire Weekend are showing the world that some people actually learn to ride a bike in college.

7. Beyonce ft. Jay-Z, "Crazy In Love"

8:50 p.m. There is a room with free booze? I am drinking cold coffee that I French pressed this morning. And people are mugging for the camera in the background. The life of a blogger, guys. It's glamorous.

8:52 p.m. The "traffic jam" montage, which is probably causing many a cab driver to raise his hands and cheer this day.

8:54 p.m. Dave Holmes: "That was weirder than it looked."

8:54 p.m. Fall Out Boy minus Wentz! Also, nice Fuck City stickers on the drums, Andy.

8:56 p.m. The band is on the lit-up bed of a truck, which I suppose is meant to replace the light-up guitars?

8:57 p.m. Whoops there they are! Uh, sorry, unfocused.

8:58 p.m. I am kind of jealous of Patrick Stump's skin.

8:59 p.m. And Vanessa's coat.

8:59 p.m. And anyone who got to hear songs from JC Chasez's Kate that weren't "Until Yesterday" or the song David Archuleta covered.

9:01 p.m. BURNING QUESTION: What will the recession do to the market for things like Neutrogena's Vibrator For Your Face?

9:02 p.m. Jess, who is not watching TRL but who is concerned about my general mental well-being, checks in:

jessdolator: so do you get to do something else for a living now that this is all over?
mauraatidolator: maybe i'll get to write tampon ads
mauraatidolator: since this one sucks
jessdolator: i'm thinking talk show
mauraatidolator: yeah?
mauraatidolator: but who would talk to me
jessdolator: in keeping with the grand post-trl tradition
mauraatidolator: i could be the nu-donahue
mauraatidolator: and say lots of things that the guests don't understand
mauraatidolator: (yes i watched 'to die for' last night)

9:04 p.m. Only "thousands" are outside in Times Square. Not even "tens of"? Times are tough, everybody.

9:04 p.m. 50 Cent is as of now a no-show? Oh, Curtis, you stay classy.

9:05 p.m. A montage of "good" live performances from years past is making me realize that this show is woefully Clarkson-deficient.

9:07 p.m. It's Justin and JC! And they're coming out to "Pop," which I still pretty much totally love. Celebrity is a pretty OK pop record when you get right down to it.

9:07 p.m. Wow, an old shot of Justin dressed like the "Dick In A Box" dude for real.

9:09 p.m. Also getting a lot of free airtime: Planters peanuts. Hey, I'm hungry!

9:09 p.m. Hey Carson, it may be best to not bring up MTV-masterminded Super Bowls to Justin. Ahem.

9:10 p.m. More meetings of The Olds: Dave Holmes with Jonathan Davis! Jonathan Davis is wearing this hoodie that looks like it's a black-and-white Magic Eye. The whole effect is very Sage Wizened Guy At The Comic Book Store.

9:12 p.m. Thinking of Korn, Kid Rock, and Limp Bizkit hanging out is making me think of what happened when Kid Rock hung out with Scott Stapp. Ick ick ick ick ickkkkk brb throwing up

9:14 p.m. Taking a break from the dry-heaving to commemorate possibly the final time that "violence" will be swapped out in favor of "Primus" on MTV.

9:17 p.m. Kid Rock is smoking and drinking indoors! Because he is such a fucking rebel! You guys!

9:18 p.m. And now he's drawing attention to the fact that he won't put his guitar out. What a fucking yutz. Sorry.

9:18 p.m. No wait, I'm not sorry! Because I can be a badass too. So there, everybody. So fucking there.

6. Kid Rock, "Bawitdaba"

9:20 p.m. And now, Kid Rock is pontificating on the relative diversity of music in 1998. And how we can all get along no matter what our individual tastes. Ah, Kid, you've convinced me. Maybe I won't think you're a yutz after all, you know? Let's say that it's in the spirit of "holding on for dear life as the ship that is 'popular music' finally capsizes."

9:21 p.m. Everyone's pilgrimages to the window are reminding me of reading about Catholic shrines during my childhood.

9:22 p.m. The MTV News contingent stops by: Sway with hat, Suchin with pretty dress, John with hairpiece. Oh, and it's time for another in-show listicle! The Top Five MTV News Moments! Five—AJ goes to rehab; Four—Blink-182 breaks up; Three—Nick Carter gets popped by the po' po; Two—Britney Spears files for divorce; One—Obama. I guess those other four were all there to set up for the Big Happy Sorta Optimistic Finish?

9:24 p.m. 9/11 gets its own special mention, complete with "Remember when Rudy Giuliani was only sorta creepy" video clip.

9:28 p.m. I should really know the name of this Frenchy song that's airing under the anti-HPV ad, no?

9:30 p.m. Miley Cyrus is back in the photobooth. Instead of pulling up her shirt and showing her underwear, she is posing in sunglasses and chains in an effort to be like Snoop Dogg, I guess since these photos aren't for her MySpace page.

9:32 p.m. "Diddy promotes himself"? I'm sorry, this is different from "Diddy speaks" how?

9:34 p.m. Diddy is now talking about his new fragrance. (It's available at Macy's!) And saving energy. Rock and roll, guys.

9:35 p.m. Here's Ludacris. He also has an album coming out, you know. (He also has one of my favorite voices ever—it's the way he rolls his rs in part, I think.)

9:37 p.m. And yet the incoherent editing and awful sound and somewhat anemic crowd response are kind of swallowing the proceedings.

9:37 p.m. Oh, poor Nelly, he has to lead with "Hot In Herre" so people remember who he is.

9:38 p.m. There was a six-month period in 2003 when my outgoing answering machine message was just my roommate at the time and me screaming "I WAS LIKE...." to any telemarketers who might be phoning.

9:39 p.m. No second song for Nelly; now it's Snoop's turn. He is totally Dropping It Like It Is Hot. Can a medley that ends with all three people singing one song really be considered "historic"? Is the hyperbolization of every second-rate bit in an effort to drive up ratings for shows like this part of the reason that culture seems so empty and people seem so worn out these days?

9:41 p.m. Carson: "That was something." Translation: "They really haven't figured out how to film a scene in a crowd since the 2007 VMAs, huh?"

9:44 p.m. Vampire Weekend: They hook up on the bus, just like the proles!

9:46 p.m. OK seriously I must have this HPV song on a French pop CD somewhere. Help me out guys!

9:47 p.m. So did they just dispense with this whole "top videos ever" countdown? We haven't had an entry in about half an hour, and there are only about 43 minutes left...

9:49 p.m. For those of you who missed the ice-cream-cart-aided beginning of Mariah Carey's early-decade breakdown, here it is! Because pop music has been all about chronicling the mental breakdowns of its biggest stars for much, much longer than Britney and Celebrity Rehab.

9:52 p.m. Hilary Duff still looks—and sounds—like she is about 15.

9:53 p.m. I think part of me knew that Christina Aguilera had a kid, but Carson Daly just saying to her "as a mom..." made me have a "whoa, old!" moment. (Also, she should can the red lipstick and go for the blush-gloss look more often.) Hey, speaking of coming of age:

5. Christina Aguilera, "Dirrty"

She was 21 years old when she made this, everybody. Just remember that the next time you think about having a daughter.

9:58 p.m. The countdown is coming fast and furious! Because there isn't much time left!

4. N*Sync, "Bye Bye Bye"

9:59 p.m. And now we get to see what happens when it's like when celebrities meet their celebrity crushes. Spoiler: It's somehow more awkward than what happens when normal people meet their celebrity crushes. (Ahem.) Although that could be the whole "presence of cameras" thing. And the whole "both parties are mutually assured of their relative importance" thing.

10:00 p.m. Justin's still tearing up (his heart) though.

10:01 p.m. Hey it's Fall Out Boy again, along with Pete Wentz on a sorta-spazzy phone connection. Ashlee hasn't had the baby yet, contrary to what the Internet might tell us. You guys all know that the Internet is wrong a lot, yes? Yes. It is. Trust me on this, please.

10:03 p.m. Patrick voted for one of the winners (hey they both won, right?) in that 1998 VJ contest. But I think he wasn't the hacker... I think?

10:03 p.m. Hey Dan Gibson, FNMTV is coming back! And now Quddus is using the opportunity to promote some artist he's producing? I guess everyone has to eat in the post-TRL landscape.

10:05 p.m. OK YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THIS FRENCH SONG. Shazam doesn't recognize it. The lyrics are un-Googleable. This is going to drive me crazy.

3. Backstreet Boys, "I Want It That Way"

10:09 p.m. OK everyone, let's sing along.

10:10 p.m. OMG CARSON IS EDGY FOR SAYING 'MOTHERFUCKER' ON SEVEN SECOND DELAYED TV. Also, Samuel L. Jackson introducing... the Backstreet Boys? Um.

10:10 p.m. The whole crowd is singing along. TRL is really about the fans, you guys!

10:12 p.m. This song may be one of five ever to get away with the "fire / desire" rhyme scheme.

10:13 p.m. "I Want It That Way" really did define that whole era, didn't it? Also ha ha at Nick Carter for claiming he remembers some of the people in the audience from The Old Days.

10:15 p.m. This is kind of sweet. I don't think it'll sell them any records, but it's nice.

10:16 p.m. Carson is back in the bowels of the studio again! The Maddens are there, and apparently will be worth being talked to. They do have a remix record coming out, after all.

10:18 p.m. "Apologize" actually sounds much better in string-quartet form. Added bonus: No Timbaland "eh"-ing!

10:18 p.m. So is Pepsi the only company left with any advertising money? This "What Is Love" ad has been on every freaking break. And it's old, so even they are hurting.

10:20 p.m. Seriously though, the ad breaks on this have been very interesting, in a "so this is who's left" way. The many house ads (the Vampire Weekend spots, the OneRepublic ads, those HPV commercials that I still don't know the song behind) and the repeated spots are enough to make one wonder what the ad landscape is going to be like once the holiday rush is over, and what the decline in ad budgets across the board will mean not just for channels like MTV, but all those extra ad-supported channels in the far reaches of the digital-cable universe. Ah, nothing like a little light Sunday-night pontificating, right?

10:22 p.m. I think Miley Cyrus grew fangs.

10:23 p.m. Eminem: Calling Carson Daly "buddy," making an "I'm crushing your head" joke. He sounds pretty happy to be alive!

10:25 p.m. Eminem's next album is coming out early next year! You heard it here, um, second.

10:25 p.m. The inspiration for this album is secret, too, unless you can deduce the multiple meanings of the word "relapse" that are in Em's head.

2. Eminem, "The Real Slim Shady"

10:27 p.m. The date may be different, the time may be different, but the excited girls are all the same.

10:27 p.m. Hold up—Kathy Griffin was in this video??

10:28 p.m. Oh here's 50 Cent, here to let people know that he has a single out. People didn't care the first, second, or eighth time, Curtis.

10:29 p.m. Here is where I would ruminate on how Curtis' brand of anti-charismatic "capitalism over everything else" personality was perfectly paired with the emptiness of this decade, but my hatred for dude's lazy-ass flow is overriding my urge to think.

10:30 p.m. At the very least, this two-song montage pretty much proves why Scott Storch is currently having "issues" and Dr. Dre is just working on records.

10:33 p.m. Hahahha Carson Daly just referred to "Tony Banks." Oh he is so dead.

10:33 p.m. 50 Cent is mourning the loss of "a platform to market and promote ourselves." Never let it be said that dude isn't a sentimentalist!

10:37 p.m. Ad break, ad break, ad break. Lots of video game and "personal care" ads. No ads for Viagra, Cialis, or anything that might get you drunk.

10:38 p.m. One reason I'm thinking about ads: I'm trying to be as much of a sentimentalist as Curtis. Another: This New York Times piece on how the cutback in sponsorship is affecting sports. I guarantee that reading that piece will enrich you much more than listening to the Madden brothers' latest attempt at marketing themselves.

10:39 p.m. Madden On The Right is talking about how life is different after having kids. It really is like a high school reunion!

10:41 p.m. Justin looks sort of dazed—perhaps because he's standing with YouTube sensation Esmee Denters! Although I love that he's making fun of the brain-dead Australian girl, who just asked an inane question about "Internet ah-tists," one last time. Do it for all of us, Justin.

10:43 p.m. And thanks to the wonders of YouTube and Justin Timberlake, you can see the difference between a girl in her bedroom and a girl in a studio.

10:43 p.m. Oh, Australian girl. I really think now is not the time to joke about layoffs at Viacom.

10:45 p.m. Sean Combs took up his page in the yearbook with every single one of his names. NB: It doesn't look like he used "Robert Plant fill-in."

10:46 p.m. Vampire Weekend: They're Just Like Us!, Part XVI: They Also Like To Try And Recreate The Opening Of Ghostbusters!

10:48 p.m. The Googlers Of The World Demand Answers:

Oh, kids. I could talk your ear off about it. Maybe tomorrow? (Also, it's worth noting that "Jesse Camp" is currently right behind "Miley Cyrus Dead" on Google's current hit parade. Jesse, to borrow a phrase from another show, this is your now!)

10:51 p.m. Damien thinks Kid Rock's cigar-wielding ways are "cool." Hmm...

10:52 p.m. Aw, no Britney appearance. But that means more time for a big ol' retrospective of all her videos! You know, "Drive Me Crazy" was crazy underrated. (Also, it should be noted that "Gimme More" is nowhere to be found.)

1. Britney Spears, "...Baby One More Time"

Really, she looks so... well, sort of innocent here. Even with the big basketball between her legs.

10:56 p.m. Well, there's another anticlimactic finish to another MTV show. Everyone there has champagne (wait, does Taylor Swift have champagne?? SCANDAL!). Me, I still have my cold coffee and Carson's doing a toast. Complete with LFO dis (me-ow!). I just tried calling 1-800-DIAL-MTV and the line was busy. Everyone's waving at the window. It's over! Jesse Camp has somehow transformed into a slightly older William Beckett! Good night, TRL. Good night, moon. Good night, sales of sparkly paint at stores in the greater New York City metropolitan era.

Last week, when I wrote about listicles, I forgot a non-print, but still big and obvious, agent of the format’s spread: cable television. The televised countdown goes back to the ’50s, when longstanding radio favorite Your Hit Parade counted down the Top 7 or Top 10 (depending on the season) songs of the week, as performed by an in-house band and singers. Then rock and roll happened, and bye-bye house bands. This begat the record hop (e.g. American Bandstand and Soul Train and, in the U.K., Top of the Pops), followed by video, which just before MTV led to the syndicated America’s Top 10 and Solid Gold, each using different chart data and methodology to deliver the week’s Top 10. MTV did some of that, too. It also spawned VH1, which started out MOR but soon found its footing when it adopted a campier, retro approach, becoming Nick at Nite to MTV’s Nickelodeon. Which mean, wouldn’t you know, tons and tons of countdowns of the all-time Top 100 thisses or thats.

The one the channel ran last week actually had me a little bit excited, in part because I had no real idea how it would shake out: 100 Greatest Hip-Hop Songs, which ran in five installments. Maybe I would have figured the outcome had I allowed myself to guess, but between having absolutely no time to myself lately and wanting to keep my responses fresh, I watched all of it cold.

VH1’s 10 Greatest Hip-Hop Songs (as aired Friday, October 3)
1. Public Enemy, “Fight the Power” (Def Jam, 1989)
2. Sugarhill Gang, “Rapper’s Delight” (Sugarhill, 1979)
3. Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Doggy Dogg, “Nuthin’ But a ‘G’ Thang” (Death Row, 1993)
4. Run-D.M.C., “Walk This Way” (Profile, 1986)
5. Grandmaster Flash & the Furious 5, “The Message” (Sugarhill, 1982)
6. N.W.A., “Straight Outta Compton” (Ruthless, 1988)
7. The Notorious B.I.G., “Juicy” (Bad Boy, 1994)
8. Snoop Doggy Dogg, “Gin and Juice” (Death Row, 1993)
9. Salt-n-Pepa, “Push It” (Next Plateau, 1986)
10. Kurtis Blow, “The Breaks” (Mercury, 1980)

(You can find the entire list at Stereogum.)

That’s a Top 10 I would never have guessed—“The Breaks” at No. 10? “Push It” at No. 9?—-and yet, reading it, I'm not surprised at all. Of course Public Enemy is No. 1: watching in order, I kept expecting “911 Is Joke” to pop up somewhere on the chart’s bottom half. That was the big one on MTV, right? That seemed to determine a few selections: No. 6, with its Symbolic Video; No. 38, Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise,” which makes every part of my body cringe; and No. 25, MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This,” whose talking-head segments seemed the most genuinely strained, as opposed to I-can’t-think-of-anything-to-say-help times 20 strained.

My guesses for the Top 10 mostly took place as the show reached the 30s. That’s one pleasure of this sort of thing: you get to play along. The game was tipped at the top of the final episode when its first selection, Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx’s “Gold Digger,” prompted the arrival of Chuck D, almost nowhere to be seen in four prior episodes despite his obvious place as one of the most historically attuned rap pros. Surely he could be quotable about Hammer—whom Chuck D has always paid respect to in interviews—and his old tour-mates the Beastie Boys. Their entry—No. 27, “Hold It Now, Hit It”—was not a big hit at the time but has remained an enduring cult favorite, something the producers clearly did a lot of to balance out all that MTV.

Me, I’d wondered if the Beasties might not appear on the second episode, when 3rd Bass and House of Pain placed 70th (“Pop Goes the Weasel”) and 66th (“Jump Around”), respectively. If that sounds overly cynical, I’ll just say I figured they might make the list twice, along with others of their golden-era Def Jam ilk and maybe Jay-Z. (“Hard Knock Life” at No. 11?! Not “Big Pimpin’” or “99 Problems” or even “Izzo”? Come on!) The first episode made me especially suspicious of the way the numbers were running. The list was advertised as having been voted for by viewers, who must have been voting in very controlled patterns to place together three consecutive house/disco-inflected jams: Jungle Brothers’ “What ‘U’ Waitin’ ‘4’,” Wyclef Jean ft. Refugee All Stars', “We Tryin’ to Stay Alive,” and Heavy D. & the Boyz’ “Now That We’ve Found Love," Nos. 88 to 86. Come on, guys.

Aside from the usual wan jokes and “hey, I know the words of this very popular chorus too!” talking-head stuff, the clips and artist bios were rather more endearing here than on most of VH1’s 100-best-whatever fare. And more poignant: if you’re looking for a drinking game, wait till VH1 runs this as a marathon and swallow one shot for each time announcer Fab 5 Freddy mentions “the hip-hop nostalgia circuit.” You don’t even have to know the list to figure out who’s on it: Sir Mix-a-Lot (No. 17, “Baby Got Back”); Young MC (No. 47, “Bust a Move”); Tone-Loc (No. 39, “Wild Thing”); Arrested Development (No. 78, “Tennessee”); P.M. Dawn (No. 81, “Set Adrift on Memory Bliss”); Digital Underground (No. 29, “The Humpty Dance”); and 2 Live Crew (No. 83, “Me So Horny”), for starters.

It’s the old school, though, that got to me. (“Old school” has acquired too many meanings for its own good, so let me state clearly that I’m talking about artists who preceded Run-D.M.C.) Spoonie Gee (No. 65, “Love Rap”) walking around New York, head shaved, with a splendid orange-and-brown button-down, or J.J. Fad (No. 72, “Supersonic”) reminiscing about their younger selves, were somehow more poignant than their constantly touring descendants. And of course the Funky 4 + 1, creators of No. 41 (see what they did there?), “That’s the Joint,” still my favorite single of all time. Knowing that Sha Rock, the group’s female MC, does hip-hop bus tours—as does Grandmaster Caz of the Cold Crush Brothers (No. 77, “Cold Crush Brothers at the Dixie")—makes me want to do something touristy for once in my life. And hearing the group discuss their disappointment at never having made an album gave a little gravity to a show that needed it.

Potential guest stars, based on previous reports.

According to Scott Storch in 2004:
• Eminem (undoubtedly still the case)
• 50 Cent (one would assume)
• Snoop Dogg (but of course)
• Knoc-Turn'Al (if Dre is so inclined)
• Lloyd Banks (he and Tony Yayo will certainly be happy if they are, but they currently are unsure)
• Guvner (Nah, they broke up ages ago)
• The Game (maybe if your mother pulls her cameo)

Artists who have claimed to be appearing on the album:
• Busta Rhymes (Signed to Aftermath, so certainly)
• Jay-Z (would seem mutually beneficial)
• Mary J. Blige (likewise)
• RZA (ehh...)
• Devin The Dude (maybe an iTunes bonus track?)
• Warren G (I don't know, are their parents alive, and liable to guilt trip if he's not?)
• The D.O.C. (Dr. Dre wouldn't have anything to rap otherwise)

It's not yet been announced if Dre's going to pull in some fresher firepower than G-Unit (yes, it's been that long), but I'm sure there are some Lils and Youngs (and Yungs) that would be happy to drop a verse on this.

Snoop Confirms Detox; Dre Producing Upcoming Album [AllHipHop]

As Dan Gibson noted in an IM to me, it's hard to not at least appreciate the effort; surely every reader of this site has made the "lol, MTV doesn't show videos anymore" joke at least once in the past five years. The live-performance aspect of the show was also noble, and having Snoop Dogg and Panic at the Disco collaborate on "Gin And Juice" at the show's end was fine (as a bonus, it made me dig up Sissy Bar's MySpace page).

I wasn't surprised that only 30 seconds were allotted to each of the "vintage" videos that aired on the broadcast, which included Idolator pick "Bastards of Young." More irritating than that, really, was the fact that for a show that was supposed to be about the music and its associated videos, FNMTV sure felt like it had to remind viewers over and over that, yes, the people on screen were famous, solo-album flops be damned. The filler ranged from a NBC Summer Olympics-reminiscent look at the "rise" of Flo Rida to an awkward interview between Wentz and the Pussycat Dolls, and recaps of the featured clips were provided by both an instant text-message poll of the crowd (the cell-phone era equivalent of "it has a beat and you can dance to it," I guess) and a video review panel that featured MTV News' James Montgomery and the Gym Class Heroes' Travis McCoy spouting reasons why each video may have been worthy of "instant classic" status. The extra padding and the fact that commercial interruptions were limited dragged the show out, and I was left to wonder why some of these bits weren't cut in favor of another Panic performance, or maybe—gasp!—another video?

It seems odd that the attention-span-challenged youth of today really need six minutes of filler and an invitation to make their own video responses in order to properly process a clip attached to a four-minute pop song, even one as shitty as the one accompanying the Pussycat Dolls' unintentional ode to the end of the 21st-century gilded age, "When I Grow Up."

If you fast forward to the end, you can see Scherzherface making a series of increasingly crazy faces (and miss most of the song, to boot).

I suspect that week two of the show will reveal some tweaks—apparently in addition to the four new clips (including one by Vampire Weekend, oh boy) we're going to see live performances by both Lil Wayne and Duffy. Here's hoping they team up for a performance, just for the sake of making her a bit interesting.

FNMTV Premieres [mtv.com]

The Home Office's appeal against that earlier decision was dismissed yesterday, paving the way for the rapper to re-enter the UK.

It was not Snoop that provoked the fight, a DVD film of the incident showed. In fact, the 36-year-old had been pushed twice by a police officer but did not retaliate. At the time, Judge Warr agreed, the former pimp had been doing no more than "entertaining children".

Judge Bird noted: "The appellant's behaviour on the DVD showed him interacting with the public. The children were laughing and generally enjoying either dancing or singing or playing music."

The phrase "former pimp" gets thrown at Snoop Dogg in the media a lot lately, but people forget that pimping wasn't a pre-fame source of income for him, but a labour of love from 2003-2004, over a decade into a successful multi-million dollar career. A second vocation that he left because he "had enough. That pimping shit was cool 'cause I needed to do it — it's in me; but I'm into the family, I'm into this now."

From the Rolling Stone article "America's Most Lovable Pimp":

"I made sure my bitch would never talk shit to me. She always got all the money upfront, she never looked in another pimp's eyes, she kept her head down. But I wasn't a gorilla pimp where I was beatin' the girls up. I was more finesse with it, just givin' you a comfort zone and providing you with opportunity 'cause I know so many motherfuckers who like buyin' it, so if you come fuck with me, it's not as much of a risk as bein' with a gorilla pimp. He gon' be hard on you and rush you, as opposed to a nigga like me who's gonna relax and let you go get it. And if you don't go get it you just gon' be replaced."

"Former pimp" just doesn't seem to capture the essence of a successful entertainer and AOL spokesperson moonlighting in this proud profession. "Former amateur pimp," maybe? "Unrepentant scumbag?" I just feel they should announce right before we have him talk to kids about how gangs are bad.

Snoop Dogg welcome back to Britain, judge rules [Times Online]
America's Most Lovable Pimp [Rolling Stone]

According the HITS Daily Double's occasionally accurate chart projections based on first day sales, Rick Ross will take the top spot with around 180,000 units sold, with NOW 27 close behind at 170,000. Snoop Dogg disappoints perhaps no else else but me with a projected third place finish. ack Johson and Alan Jackson will likely fight it out for fourth and fifth, with some combination of Fat Joe, the Thriller reissue, and Idolator fave Sara Bareilles in sixth through eighth with around 40,000 sold. However, if Now That's What I Call The 80's and its "You've never heard THESE songs in THIS order" tracklisting knocks the Erykah Badu disc out of the top ten, you'll see a tiny tear roll down my cheek on chart day.

Rumor Mill [HITS Daily Double]

• "For periods of 'Ego Trippin',' Snoop does sound focused. The first half is chocked with bangers, including a wistful look back at his career, 'Neva Have 2 Worry,' and the bass-heavy, Neptunes-helmed, 'Sets Up.' But two-thirds in, it's clear that Snoop has trouble editing himself as he crams in odes to a range of musical influences. 'Cool' is an average remake of The Time's synth-funk party-starter. 'Staxxx In My Jeans' meekly mimics the trunk-rattling Southern rap sound and contains an inane, slo-mo hook: 'My pockets look like Re-Run's/ your pockets look like Raj.' Snoop even goes country-western on the Everlast-produced 'My Medicine.' However, that track, like most of the disc, is an undeniable good time, and further proof Snoop's still not wasting his breath." [San Francisco Chronicle]

• "'Ego Trippin'' isn't bad, but it is disjointed and a bit jarring for the normally savvy Snoop to trot out so haphazardly. Maybe pushing up the release date to accommodate the success of the single wasn't the best idea." [Newsday}

• "Overall, the new CD is redundant and much too long. Studded with a few duds, the CD still offers several cuts that showcase Snoop's peerless skills on the mike. Refreshing dashes of humor surface here and there. But Ego Trippin mostly comes off as a confused character study. The rapper clearly wants to continue selling the over-the-top gangsta-pimp image. But he wants to show more of the aging hip-hop superstar who's settling into family life. One side has long been repackaged over and over again; the other seen on Father Hood is still evolving. But on Ego Trippin, he hasn't quite figured out how to reconcile the two." [Baltimore Sun]

• "Helped by old-school R&B producer Teddy Riley and other guests, Snoop doesn't skimp on variety; technologically nostalgic bump-and-grind numbers such as 'Sexual Eruption' sit alongside party jams such as a cover of the Time's 'Cool' and one honest-to-goodness country-fried effort titled 'My Medicine.' But despite loading the disc's second half with eccentric gems — 'Why Did You Leave Me' and 'Can't Say Goodbye,' with the latter featuring the Gap Band's Charlie Wilson — Snoop doesn't sustain the inspired glitter across the album's span." [Dallas Morning News]

Snoop Dogg [Official Site]

Ugh. Ugh. It's not the song, which I thought was fine on first listen, but the fact that a remix—released just as the Rakamonie EP is hitting stores—in which Robyn is effectively reduced to "cute background singer" seems to be the first foot being put forward here. And for an artist with such a singularly awesome persona and vision, this is not good—I mean, people, c'mon, this is Robyn, not Ashanti. Her songs have stood on their own in other countries; can't that happen here? Or is Universal so scared that Robyn's outre persona and twisty interpretations of the "pop music" concept might turn off American audiences that they feel she has to be paired up—and effectively neutered—by an established male star?

Snoop + Robyn [Discobelle]

From last night's Critics' Choice Awards. Jess: "Imagine if they mated? I don't think the planet could take a child with a face that long and angular."

[Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic.com]

Now in its fifth week atop Billboard's Hot 100, Alicia Keys' "No One" is as unmovable as sticky toffee pudding—as is most of the Top 10. But there are songs percolating further down the chart, and they give a hint of what might burst into the winner's circle when the year-end logjam breaks.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and Snoop Was Horny: Here's a quick rundown of the biggest movers in this, the final week Billboard credits to 2007. (Next week's chart will be dated Jan. 5.)

• Hope you haven't OD'd on Keys, because she's already got her followup lined up: "Like You'll Never See Me Again" is just outside the Top 10 on the Hot 100 and already No. 2 on the R&B/Hip-Hop chart, right behind... um, "No One." With that song still tops in airplay on the overall radio panel and "Like" moving to the tenth-most-played position, Keys now has two of the 10 biggest radio hits in the country.

• "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles (no, not a Cure cover) is the latest beneficiary of TV exposure and resulting iTunes sales. Leaping 56 spots to No. 16, the song is the fifth-biggest digital seller of the week, thanks to its appearance in holiday ads for Rhapsody and TiVo. As usual with a TV-fueled hit, radio airplay is as yet nonexistent; we'll see if it picks up stations after the holidays or is doomed to a quick burn a la Feist's "1-2-3-4."

• We've already enjoyed its genius/hideous ode-to-Rick-James-and-Prince video, and now Snoop Dogg's "Sensual Seduction" makes a big move into the Top 40, up 14 spots to No. 37. That's notable, because while this isn't the first song to feature Snoop singing, it's definitely the fastest to break—especially at radio, where he's already ranked in the Top 20. He hasn't had a serious pop crossover hit since late 2004's immortal "Drop It Like It's Hot" (his 2005 single with Justin Timberlake, "Signs," was a surprising flop).

• Doing even better in airplay, Kanye West's awesome "Flashing Lights" is right behind Snoop in the Top 40 (No. 39, up 11 spots). His previous hit, "Good Life," has been hovering in the lower half of the Top 10 for months now, but it'll be interesting to see if the Idolator flophouse's favorite track from his album—a seemingly less radio-friendly track—emerges as a comparably large hit.

• Up 20 spots and just outside the Top 40, Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music" topped Billboard's dance chart (Club Play) months ago but is finally crossing over to radio. Club-oriented hits—"Don't Stop" sounds almost like Cascada-style Eurodance—are harder to break at anything but pure Top 40 stations (even R&B radio often turns up its nose at them), so Def Jam probably has its work cut out for it.

Schlockin' Around the Christmas Tree: With just days to go till Santa Day, I took a peek at a little-seen chart, Hot Holiday Songs. If ever there were a chart that didn't warrant Billboard's overused "Hot" moniker, it's this one. It only appears online, and while new holiday hits are theoretically eligible for this airplay-oriented list it mostly tracks songs that are decades old. Surprisingly, the chart is only a few years old (presumably started when enough radio stations went all-Christmas this decade), and it's 30 positions long. Here's the current week's Top 10:

1. "The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas To You)," Nat King Cole
2. "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree," Brenda Lee
3. "Jingle Bell Rock," Bobby Helms
4. "Please Come Home For Christmas," Eagles
5. "All I Want For Christmas Is You," Mariah Carey
6. "A Holly Jolly Christmas," Burl Ives
7. "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)," John Lennon & Yoko Ono
8. "Feliz Navidad," Jose Feliciano
9. "White Christmas," Bing Crosby
10. "Merry Christmas Darling," The Carpenters

Like all of its charts, Billboard includes a "Weeks on" column. But I haven't included it here, because none of these tunes is less than 31 weeks old. That's remarkable—and becomes even more so, when you consider that chart only runs about 8-10 weeks each year; which means most of these songs have had repeat runs every year the chart has appeared.

Theoretically, Hot Holiday Songs should exhibit some overlap with Hot Adult Contemporary, since at this time of year most AC stations flip to all-Christmas formats. But there's actually no overlap at all, even though the No. 1 song on the AC chart this week is (natch) Josh Groban's Oprah-endorsed "I'll Be Home for Christmas."

Why? For one thing, the AC chart doesn't allow anything older than two years to chart; so Burl Ives, Brenda Lee et al. aren't eligible to appear there, even though they're clearly receiving tons of current AC airplay. And second, no matter how hot Groban is with the Christmas-record-buying set this year, his No. 1 AC track is clearly getting played less than even the lowest-ranked Hot Holiday hit (this week, Leroy Anderson's "Sleigh Ride" at No. 30); otherwise he'd be on the list somewhere.

One last tidbit: there are only two tracks on the whole Hot Holiday list that are 40 weeks old, which suggests (I can't be sure) they've been on the list every week the chart has been in existence. One is Burl Ives' "A Holly Jolly Christmas": unsurprising, as that song is often cited as radio's cumulatively most-played Christmas song year after year. And the other? At No. 14 this week, it's Wham!'s "Last Christmas."

I don't know about you, but nothing says "Christmas" to me like Sam the Snowman and a closeted gay pinup from 1984. Happy holidays!

The top 20, with last week's position and total weeks charted in parentheses:
1. Alicia Keys, "No One" (LW No. 1, 15 weeks)
2. Flo Rida feat. T-Pain, "Low" (LW No. 3, 8 weeks)
3. Timbaland feat. OneRepublic, "Apologize" (LW No. 2, 20 weeks)
4. Chris Brown feat. T-Pain, "Kiss Kiss" (LW No. 4, 14 weeks)
5. Fergie, "Clumsy" (LW No. 5, 10 weeks)
6. Colbie Caillat, "Bubbly" (LW No. 6, 25 weeks)
7. Finger Eleven, "Paralyzer" (LW No. 8, 28 weeks)
8. Jordin Sparks, "Tattoo" (LW No. 10, 12 weeks)
9. Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo, "Hate That I Love You" (LW No. 7, 16 weeks)
10. Kanye West feat. T-Pain, "Good Life" (LW No. 9, 14 weeks)
11. Soulja Boy, "Crank That (Soulja Boy), Soulja Boy Tell'em" (LW No. 11, 23 weeks)
12. Baby Bash feat. T-Pain, "Cyclone" (LW No. 12, 21 weeks)
13. Alicia Keys, "Like You'll Never See Me Again" (LW No. 19, 6 weeks)
14. Plies feat. Akon, "Hypnotized" (LW No. 16, 12 weeks)
15. Trey Songs, "Can't Help But Wait" (LW No. 14, 13 weeks)
16. Sara Bareilles, "Love Song" (LW No. 72, 7 weeks)
17. Kanye West, "Stronger" (LW No. 13, 21 weeks)
18. Sean Kingston, "Take You There" (LW No. 21, 7 weeks)
19. Natasha Bedingfield feat. Sean Kingston, "Love Like This" (LW No. 18, 9 weeks)
20. Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E., "The Way I Are" (LW No. 17, 29 weeks)

Rooting around the I Love Music message board for something else entirely, I got completely sidetracked by the new clip for Snoop's "Sensual Seduction". Frankly I don't even want to say too much about it. Except: Flying beds! Don Cornelius duds! "When Doves Cry" quotations! And what is that watery synth hook (best heard at the very beginning) sampled from anyway? It sounds right off a Derrick May record.

Snoop Dogg - "Sensual Seduction" [Daily Motion]

Broadus was ordered to serve 160 hours of community service but is restricted from working with gangs, children or his nonprofit youth football league "because the spirit of the community service offer is for him to do the work in a manner in which he isn't glorified in the eyes of children," Manssourian told the court. Broadus also agreed to donate $10,000 to the Orange County charity Right Trak, which helps troubled children, and to pay more than $1,000 in a fine and court fees.

Sadly the location of Snoop's personal Jellystone is being kept a secret "to prevent disruptions," other than the usual unpredictable comedy geysers and crossdressing bears.

Snoop Dogg To Serve Time In O.C. Park [L.A. Times; HT: Ned Raggett]

There's very little about this AP story that isn't funny, intentionally or otherwise, from the pokerfaced headline to the lengths that the AP will go to add a little color to an otherwise two-paragraph lawsuit update to the fact that I'm imagining this all as a scene from Picket Fences. But mostly I'm posting it because I seriously think that might be one of the greatest AP file photos in history, which I have to believe was 95% of why this was published: "Stoned man enjoys oversized novelty steak." That, and it can't be all rubbernecking for "Gimme More" and RIAA scumbag reports, I guess.

Judge Realizes Case Involves Snoop Dogg [AP]
[Photo: AP]

*Sorry. We're saving our good R.E.M. jokes for tonight.

Snoop (and Dre) jack [Parliament's] beats, then get Snoop's cousin, or whoever "drew" it, to "bless" his debut's cover. But wait, there's more! The liner notes feature a comic by the cover-artist, which is also awful, but somehow endearing. And the comic introduced me to the term "hocus pocus," meaning weed-bullshit. It has far greater meaning and usage, though. Say you're running late for work and the bus pulls away as you reach the door. That's hocus pocus, nawimean?

We naw! And we remember thinking that Doggystyle was possibly the ugliest CD in our collection—like if R. Crumb met R. Kelly, and they decided to start an airbrush T-shirt company that specialized in gaudy drawings of horny animals. And speaking of comic-inspired covers, how could they forget this recent gem? That's a first-rate Will Eisner tribute if we ever saw one.

Comic Inspired [Formatmag.com]

Snoop Dogg Rolls Up and Smokes Rolling Stone Cover [Rolling Stone]
Previously: BREAKING: Snoop Dogg Has Not Yet Been Arrested Today

UPDATE: It's 12:30 PM EST, and still no word on whether Snoop has been arrested today. That said, a spy tells us that a copy of Soul Plane came "dangerously close" to being rented at an Irvine, Ca. video store this morning.

UPDATE:: According to wire reports, Snoop Dogg has not been arrested as of 3:25 PM EST. However, we have it on good info that his Crank Yankers puppet is the subject of a multi-plaintiff paternity suit, stemming from a recent set to the visit of Fraggle Rock. More info soon.

Snoop Dogg arrested on handgun, drug charges [AP via theglobeandmail.com]

For anyone who's ever wondered what would happen if an issue of King magazine came to life, well, here you go. But why so sad, Snoop? You look like someone just borrowed your custom-engraved "DOGG" stem without asking permission!

Akon & Snoop Dogg - "I Wanna Love You" [YouTube]

After the jump, we look at new releases by Snoop Dogg, Il Divo, and Daughtry, as well as the Ramones tribute Brats On The Beat.

Snoop Dogg, The Blue Carpet Treatment
The artist: Dr. Dre protege turned elder statesman.
The sound: Snoop's trademark pinched delivery, backed by sun-drenched beats from Dre and the Neptunes.
The first in line: Shoppers who spotted the CD while waiting to pay for Kingdom Come.

Il Divo, Siempre
The artist: Pop-opera heartthrobs who are opening for Streisand.
The sound: Schmaltz-laden four-part harmonies and delicate guitar, including over-the-top Italian-language covers of "Nights in White Satin" and "Without You."
The first in line: People who can't, for the life of them, figure out what to get their grandmothers for the holidays.

Daughtry
The artist: Bald American Idol castoff who made waves when he covered Live's cover of "I Walk The Line."
The sound: Let's just say that there's a reason every write-up of this dude mentions Nickelback somewhere.
The first in line: Idol completists, frustrated Fuel fans, people who wore out their copy of the Hinder record.

Various Artists, Brats on the Beat
The artists: Josie Cotton, Nick Oliveri, Britt Anderson of the Donnas and other grown-up punkers do kid-friendly Ramones covers.
The sound: Pretty faithful to the originals, although the gutter grime's been scraped off.
The first in line: Self-proclaimed "cool" aunts and uncles who feel a little weird about letting their nieces and nephews hear "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue."

On The CD Front [Pause and Play]

Rap artist "Snoop Dogg" was arrested and booked for being a felon in possession of a firearm and transportation of a controlled substance at a California airport Thursday, according to the Burbank Police Department. ...

"An investigation revealed Calvin Broadus to be in possession of marijuana and a firearm," a police statement said.

Marijuana and guns? Color us shocked.

'Snoop Dogg' faces gun, drug accusation [AP via CNN]

For no good reason—other than the fact that Snoop turns 35 today—we close out the week with the classic "Dre Day" clip. Ah, those halcyon days of MTV, when you could vilify your enemies on television, and make thinly veiled references to gunning down record executives.

In August, the creative team set up a giveaway booth at the trendy MTV Video Music Awards... The members of Panic! At the Disco, who won an MTV award for "Video of the Year," loved the line. So did Fallout Boy, whose members wanted to send them to their family.

"I expected some people to be too cool for greeting cards," [a Hallmark employee] said. "Even Snoop Dogg, we handed him some cards and he goes, 'I love Hallmark cards,' you know?"

The inevitable Snoop-Hallmark collaboration can't be far behind—we look forward to the day when we receive a charmingly designed baby-announcement card sent by a certain "Deez Nuts"—and frankly, they could use his help: According to Hallmark.com, their current line-up includes trendier selections from artists such as Wang Chung, Hanson and Smash Mouth," meaning they haven't moved past the first first three volumes of Now That's What I Call Music!. Any suggestions?

Hallmark Unveils Tuneful Cards [AP]