Ketchup: Ubiquitous, generally well-liked.
Key characteristics: Universally accepted as great background music; can be played at a party frequented by many different-minded souls with minimal complaint; informal surveys of friends will reveal that most people own at least one of their "essential" albums, but rarely own their entire discography.
Sample artists: Weezer, Air, Kelly Clarkson.
When they're past their sell-by date: When they're liked by almost too many people. (Think Dave Matthews.)

Mustard: Popular in its original form, but also available in spicy variations.
Key characteristics:Masters of reinvention; have found mainstream success with one genre of music, but can’t wait to go all Dijon and become something entirely different; tend to find success in most everything they do, to the chagrin of safe-but-steady ketchup bands.
Sample artists: Damon Albarn, Ne-Yo, Justin Timberlake.
When they're past their sell-by date: When they take it one step too far and become children’s book authors.

Ranch Dressing: It's kind of gross, and did you know it has, like, 1,000 calories? Eww—wait, is that a Sam's Club-sized bottle of ranch in your fridge? Busted.
Key characteristics: The aural equivalent of a band that turns your fancy baby spinach and endive salad into a cheeseburger; few people will admit to liking them, yet singalongs to their music are commonplace; classic bands of this ilk are popular sources for ironic T-shirt wearing.
Sample artists: Ultravox, Cobra Starship, Carrie Underwood.
When they're past their sell-by date: When a snoopy friend discovers their songs in your iTunes library. (This is why I keep such acts in a secret folder known as “Hidden Valley.”)

Pesto: Are you going to buy it on your own? No. Do you enjoy it on a $20 sandwich at a restaurant? Yes.
Key characteristics: Highbrow critics swear by them; they are cited as an influence by many mainstream musicians; their sections at your local record store are accompanied by breathless two-index-card treatises on their genius; someone in the band has been rumored to be mentally unstable, resulting in long gaps between releases.
Sample artists: Scott Walker (Scott 4 through The Drift), Patti Smith, My Bloody Valentine.
When they're past their sell-by date: The inevitable reunion tour, which is risky, and could turn them into a creamier pesto… a sort of ranch, some might say.

Wish-Bone Salad Spritzers: That new spray-on salad dressing looks totally cool, and it's only 10 calories per squirt. I should try it…one day.
Key characteristics: Frequently cited as “brilliant” and “life-changing”; it’s a burden on your life that you have never tried to get into them; when dropped into a conversation, you say you’ve "heard of them but haven’t heard them."
Sample artists:Death Cab For Cutie, Bright Eyes, The Shins.
When they're past their sell-by date: When you get called out for faking affection toward them.

Newman’s Own: The critics and masses alike adored him, and he's versatile enough to have put out a whole line of his own condiments.
Ingredients: Think ketchup, but with fans that think they are the bombolina because they possess a rare combination of talent and success.
Sample artists: Radiohead, The Roots, Bjork.
When they're past their sell-by date: When they reach a little too far in trying to have it both ways, and do things like collaborate with with Timbaland. (I’m looking at you, Bjork.)

One commenter thought that Newman's Own bands should also include musicians who perform various charitable acts. But if a band or musician has become famous enough to really make a difference in the world through charity work, the possibility for backlash is inevitable. Which brings me to my final pop condiment classification.

Miracle Whip: Sure, its name makes it sound impressive. But is it really capable of anything close to a miracle?
Ingredients: Overexposure; less time devoted to music because of meetings with various world leaders about peace; incipient God complex; wire stories about "political" asides at concerts; tendencies toward writing "messages" on own skin with Sharpies.
Sample artists: Coldplay, U2, Kanye West.
When they're past their sell-by date: Miracle Whip bands have got that gooey stuff around the lid and everything, and you should probably throw them out. But they’ll stay in the fridge door of popular opinion forever.

I'M NOT SHALLOW, BUT I HAVE TO SAY...
• "Another clear example of how women are so much more shallow than men. No way does a guy who looks like Marty get this hottie unless he is famous. Just disgusting."

OBLIGATORY ZACH BRAFF JOKES (THAT ARE FUNNIER THAN ANYTHING ON SCRUBS) (WHICH ADMITTEDLY ISN'T SAYING MUCH)
• "So The Shins WILL change your life. THROUGH A BLITZKRIEG OF VIOLENCE."
• "Wasn't your mom in "Garden State"? No, wait, I remember now: I *did* your mom in the Garden State."

LOOK, AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ARTISTIC GROWTH
• "He shouldn't be fired just because he's in a band that plays fluffy, non-threatening music. If anything it should give the band a much needed rougher edge. Just think of him as the bad boy of the group. Every boy band needs one."

PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BREAK UP THE BAND
• "Sounds like a wild party! Unfortunately this makes the whole band look band. Hope they can ditch him and keep on making good music. I say good, because good < awesome. /end"
• "It's too bad that the only band member who actually talks to the audience will have to be replaced. What an idiot."

THE LONE VOICE OF REASON (OR MAYBE JUST HAVING A MOMENT OF INEBRIATED CLARITY)
"I'm going to judge the shit out of both of them (which correlates in no way to be me being home, alone, and on the internet at 3:00 AM on a Saturday night). I can publicly make insane assumptions about people based on scant information whenever I want—I use the internet!"

Shins member Martin Crandall arrested for domestic violence against America's Next Top Model Elyse Sewell [BrooklynVegan]
Top Model Elyse Sewell And Dorky Indie Rock Boyfriend Arrested For Domestic Violence [Jezebel]

Anyhoo, the group has just released a new import-only EP for "Australia," and it's B/W a mellow (but not too snoozy) remix of "Sleeping Lessons." So consider this the first Shins song in months that has not been shoved into your ears, and be prepared to be sick of it within three weeks or so:

The Shins - Sleeping Lessons (The Rac Mix) [MP3, link expired]
RAC [Official Site]

Some purists are griping that the Shins aren't truly an indie band since media giant Time Warner owns a minority stake in Sub Pop.

Wait. Whositgripingwhatnow? Not to counter one half-assed anecdotal observation with another, but we highly doubt that there's a sizable group of Shins fans out there saying, "Yeah, Wincing is good, but you can totally hear Dick Parsons whispering in the background."

While many reviews of the new record are positive, some critics have complained that the band played it too safe in a bid for sales.

Right. Like in the New York Times review that praised the melodies for being "pleasingly indirect"? Or the Chicago Sun-Times write-up that noted Wincing is more "mysterious" and "moody" than its predecessors? Hell, even the backlash baristas at Pitchfork thought the band sounded edgier than before.

...So the pressure is on and the knives are out: Will a group that formed in 1997 in Albuquerque, New Mexico, end up going Hollywood? Will the band be able to live up to the heavy promotion and retain its indie charm?

Nirvana faced some of the same kinds of questions when they released their third studio album, "In Utero," in 1993. Nirvana's 1989 debut album, "Bleach," was an underground hit for Sub Pop, and the cries of "sell out!" from fans and critics began around its release, and only got louder as the band's popularity grew.

So, in summary: A band that released one Sub Pop album nearly twenty years ago is somehow comparable to band that's put out three Sub Pop albums since 2001—despite the fact that the groups' musical styles are entirely different, and that one of them actually made it big when they signed on to one of the most powerful major labels in the world. Next week on "Face The Music": Can the Scissor Sisters become the next Statler Brothers?

Following in Cobain's Footsteps [WSJ]

At the risk of being buried under hundreds of jewel cases, we have taken the sage advice of gonzo rock writer Richard Meltzer to heart. Meltzer, ever the curmudgeon, considered promo albums precious commodities—provided you didn't break the shrink wrap on 'em, as doing so reduced their resale value. After the click-through, Andy Beta fords the Waterworld that is the Information Age with his eyes rather than his ears.

PICK—Deerhunter: Cryptograms (Kranky)
Deerhunter anticipates the day when RISD students design the next Big Buck Hunter Pro, all squiggles and mesmeric color theory, knowing the party is out of bounds when pretentious art-fucks and NASCAR/Nuge fans alike swill Pabst Blue Ribbon in psychoactive amounts. The printed lyrics present a heart of dark-ambient that namechecks Joseph Conrad and the B-52s and songs about "angels who forced me to jack them off." This surely occurred in the bedroom, where the narrator listened to the Butthole Surfers. Less obsessed with being psychotic like Christopher Walken, this Deerhunter seeks to be a big trophy Animal Collector. A-

Sophe Lux: Waking the Mystics (Zarathustra Records)
At war with being at war with the Mystics, this Portland quintet is on the side of the Decemberists, and they man up by disguising themselves as flapper, Southern-belle cheerleader, and one-eyed French cat circa WWI, thus spanking Zarathustra while heralding our beloved president with flamer lips. Best portrait is the guy with the fake bald cap but real waxed handlebar moustache, though the title "God Doesn't Take American Express" is as pedantic as Nietzsche's dramatic lyrics: "Oh to redeem the American dream!" Yeah, I'd feign sleep if I was being touched by a giant half-baked rabbit, too. B+

Bunny Rabbit: Lovers and Crypts (Voodoo-EROS)
Back when Bunny Rabbit and Black Cracker (the producer in Bunny's locket) were but young boodaggas, dreaming of munching L'Trimm, they mistook the long Jheri curls and nasal adenoidal 'ho boasts of Eazy-E and misheard his first name as Erica. A lifelong crush developed—as did a habit of mis-hearing "home movie" for "homie"— but they still unfurl the blue-carpet treatment for "Crypts." Life-changing moment: singing with the girls "We wanna fuck you Eazy," and, despite gnosis that he did indeed have a pair, they projected a queer response on E: "I wanna fuck U2." B

DUD—The Shins: Wincing the Night Away (Sub Pop)
Whether said life-changing event occurs in the backseat of a car, in a Cineplex on acid for Dead Man's Chest, or as your BFF Leia's MILF hips you to indie rock, the arduous part of enlightenment is always returning back to white bread life. Swearing to twist each night away, tedium rules this upside-down world. The quotidian—the line at the Jersey DMV, fifth-period biology—is boooring. Yet shooting for halcyon times via psychedelic blastula doodles sprouting palm trees on graph paper and a concept album about peg-legged pirates ("Phantom Limb," "Sealegs," "Girl Sailor") is way too narrow. B-

Building Album Sales Chart [Hits]

Eric Levin at [Atlanta's] Criminal Records says he hasn't opened at midnight since the 2004 release of the Beastie Boys' "To the 5 Boroughs."

"I wouldn't blame it on the Beastie Boys," Levin jokes of abandoning the practice. "When you go anywhere online and hear any record, you don't have the need to go out at midnight. But I felt like there was a need for January 23. There's the Shins, there's Deerhoof, there's Of Montreal, and there's Menomena."

So how did it do? With little advertising outside of his store's mailing list, Levin says about 40 people showed up, and the store did $500 worth of business...Levin says it wasn't just the drawing power of the Portland, Ore.-based indie pop act. He points to the recent closure of Tower Records, a chain that was known for its weekly midnight sales, as having a slight impact on his reasoning.

"There was some post-Tower mentality to our decision," he says. "But to come back to midnight sales after going away from them was kind of a no-brainer. Let's give it a shot. It's how a lot of stores now look at vinyl. Vinyl went away, and now it's this wonderful new trend."

We're all for any practice that gets people in the stores, especially when it brings back our own fond memories of lining up to buy Use Your Illusion II, Pinkerton, and Tha Doggfather (not all in one night, thank god). But we were shocked to find that one Shins-shilling retailer used to the midnight sale to move nearly $2,300 of merchandise in just one hour. That must have been part of a very special "Buy the Shins, get a free shiv" promotion.

New Shins album prompts return of midnight sales [Billboard via Reuters]

Pretty Ricky, Late Night Special
The artist: Four dudes, four sets of six-pack abs, thousands of screaming girls.
The sound: What happens if you feed four boys a diet consisting solely of R. Kelly records. Also, there's a song called "Personal Trainer."
The first in line: Well, someone's been keeping them in the 106 & Park top 10 all these weeks.

The Good, The Bad, and The Queen
The artist: Damon Albarn's collection of NME-approved Superfriends.
The sound: World-weary laments that evoke "Help The Aged."
The first in line: Select readers of yesteryear.

Saliva, Blood Stained Love Story
The artist: Nu-metal holdovers who have somehow stuck around.
The sound: All you need to know: "The outfit has been finding inspiration from contemporary groups such as the Foo Fighters, My Chemical Romance and Jet."
The first in line: People who are still bitter about being made fun of in high school.

The Shins, Wincing The Night Away
The artist: Sub Pop's shining beacon of hope.
The sound: Shimmering pop with a definite Morrissey fetish—and without those transcoded scratches.
The first in line: About half of the people reading this sentence.

On The CD Front [Pause & Play]

Sunday's Chicago Tribune piece on leaks of unreleased albums canvassed indie-label employees about their thoughts on leaks, including a rep from Sub Pop:

"I don't think we're plagued with the same problems that major labels are as far as the dangers of leaking, nor do I necessarily agree with their view or tactics," says Tony Kiewel, head of A&R at Sub Pop Records, a veteran label whose laid-back approach and grounded, non-commercial attitude helped usher in the hands-off, artist-friendly tactics now commonplace in the indie sector. The Seattle imprint sends discs to journalists months before release dates in hopes of generating buzz.

Kiewel is aware that some choose to sell their copies or digitally post them but doesn't think costly initiatives that diminish playback options are the answer, particularly when his bands depend on word-of-mouth exposure.

"We're sending the writer a CD in hopes that [they] will play it and listen to it in whatever capacity they're most likely to enjoy it. So making it super-limited only seems to hurt their experience and probably hurt the artist's ability to get a good review, which we're not eager to see happen," he explains. "I'm not really concerned about [music leaking] pinching sales. I don't necessarily believe that's what happens when music leaks early."

Not mentioned in this article is the mini-uproar from a few months ago, when a low-bitrate version of Wincing The Night Away, the forthcoming album by the Shins, made its way around the Internet; promotional copies of that CD were watermarked, a first for Sub Pop. And when those MP3s made their way around blogs, Sub Pop turned to the UK copyright enforcers at Web Sheriff to have them taken down. Perhaps Kiewel mentioned this incident to Tribune reporter Bob Gendron, but he neglected to mention it—which seems curious to us, especially given that the tactics Sub Pop took with the Shins, one of the few bands on the label that are high-profile enough to snag a Saturday Night Live slot, directly contradict Kiewel's "hands-off" spin. Has Sub Pop decided, after October's tempest, to let leaks flow more freely?

Leaks of new songs difficult to plug — and some in industry don't care [Chicago Tribune]
Earlier: The Shins Hit The Fans, Sub Pop Calls In The Sheriff

Yet despite Sub Pop's efforts, the album—in the form of low-bitrate MP3s—made its way around peer-to-peer sites and MP3 blogs.

The leak puts Sub Pop in an admittedly awkward position—how can it stoke the hype for Wincing while still clamping down on MP3-swapping? First, they put the Web Sheriff, a UK-based company that touts itself as "Europe's leading Internet policing specialist," on the case. Web Sheriff serves as an intermediary between copyright holders and copyright-busters, and it also cracks down on paparazzi shots and nasty rumors. (Thepunkguy posted the pre-emptive missive sent to bloggers by Web Sheriff, and it looks like pretty standard stuff, if a little laden with thanks and regards.)

The watermarked advances also help explain the leak's subpar audio quality. The files are likely transcodes—the digital equivalent of recording a file, then recording that recording, in an attempt to strip any identifying details, like a watermark. So the MP3s that did get out were grainy—and we suspect that most Shins fans are rabid enough that they'll hold out for higher-bitrate versions of the tracks. This could be, in a way, a case for watermarking records—although betting that all fans of every band are FLAC devotees seems like a bit of a large bet to make, and watermarking-gone-wrong can result in a reviewer's CD only being playable on a boom box from 1991.

The most obvious way that Sub Pop can minimize the leak's effect is also the least practical one, at least from a financial standpoint—closing the window between promo-dissemination and retail availability by moving up the album's release date. Since Wincing is coming out in the first quarter of 2007, and that begins in January, rearranging the label's schedule to release it earlier would be a pain in the ass. But as we watch more and more pre-releases make their way into the BitTorrent netherworld, we're starting to wonder if the whole promo-release cycle shouldn't be shortened considerably—even if it means that magazines, which have much longer lead times than, say, Pitchfork, get the shorter end of the stick. Whether or not 150 words and a few stars from Blender are too much of a sacrifice for labels to make, though, may prove to be the sticking point that keeps leaks like this sprouting for a while.

Wincing The Night Away Watercooler [Stereogum]
Previously: The Shins Hit The Fans...Sort Of

Our suggestion: If you want to listen to the Shins this weekend, root around the BitTorrent sites, or just go to any bar that caters to twentysomething and thirtysomething yuppies.

Track Review: The Shins - "A Comet Appears" [Prefix]

"The Shins ask fans to film gig" [NME]